Teen didn't do anything for Mother's Day

[Anonymous]

Normal. My father always gave me directions if I did anything.

[Anonymous]

Does your DC love making cards? Since they are no longer in preschool or elementary that seems like an unrealistic expectation. You are lucky--and likely in the minority--that you got them for the past several years. Mine are 13 & 15 and it's been AGES since I got a handmade card.

Unless you are in an area where kids can do independent shopping/card purchase I don't think you can expect them to do something else without the support of another parent/adult.

It seems like your DH tried and did nice things, so if it's not exactly what you wanted why not tell him to "coach" DC.

Years ago we came up with the perfect (for me) mother's Day, a simple bfast that DH / kids make, small/fun or practical gifts, and just hanging out, a walk/hike if weather cooperates. Over the years, I think I figured out my favorite ways to celebrate and I've been honest.

[Anonymous]

Mothers day is an artificial holiday designed to support the flower/Hallmark business. Maybe your child sees that? I wish mine did!

[Anonymous]

We didn't do anything special for MD, and yet, it was a joyous day.

I was happy. Kids have turned out good, they are hard working and kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set expectations.

I don’t want cards so I don’t get them.

I expect my son to go to a grocery store and get flowers and/or spend time with me. If it’s nice I expect them to go for a hike or help me in my garden.

My other son lives away so he will call. For my birthday he sent Uber eats sushi which I appreciate since it was a Wednesday and I celebrated my birthday on a Saturday.

I like spending time together and don’t care about gifts.

My kids know this because I tell them

This is good advice. And it definitely falls to H to facilitate. It's normal for a 15 year old to space it, but H should have gotten a card and stuck it in front of him to sign at a minimum if you are card people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh did nothing. Then when I asked if we had plans he said 'oh I was going to take you out for lunch', at a fast food restaurant. My 9 year old ran up stairs and scribbled a picture of flowers in 5 min. My 15 year old wasn't even out of bed yet. She then came down after hearing the conversation telling me that her and DH had discussed this all in advance. Then she put my card on my bathroom vanity telling me she had made it days ago. She didn't hand it to me, she just told me it was upstairs. I'm so sad.

Your elementary school kid drew you a picture, your high schooler bought a card and discussed taking you out to eat in advance with your husband, and you're . . . so sad? Having a Mother's Day card left for you to find when you wake up instead of pressed into your hand is enough to ruin the day? You seem like you're looking for a problem.

You misread the entire post. Good job.
1. I asked of anything was planned. Dh said 'no'
2. Dh says let's go out to eat at a crappy restaurant that you don't like.
3. I say no thanks.
4. Younger child goes up stairs and scribbles a card. (It was a nice gesture) and brings it to me 5 min later.
5. Older daughter comes downstairs after hearing everything and lies to me that she and her father planned everything in advance and that her younger sister made the card with her the day before.
6. I question reality and ask the younger one when she made the card. 'Just now' she says.

You're right I have nothing to be upset about. My family did nothing and lied to my face. Oh, and I got to make dinner for everyone and do all the clean up. They literally did nothing - except the younger one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mothers day is an artificial holiday designed to support the flower/Hallmark business. Maybe your child sees that? I wish mine did!

Actually making dinner or washing your car costs nothing. A nice gesture is a nice gesture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your DC love making cards? Since they are no longer in preschool or elementary that seems like an unrealistic expectation. You are lucky--and likely in the minority--that you got them for the past several years. Mine are 13 & 15 and it's been AGES since I got a handmade card.

Unless you are in an area where kids can do independent shopping/card purchase I don't think you can expect them to do something else without the support of another parent/adult.

It seems like your DH tried and did nice things, so if it's not exactly what you wanted why not tell him to "coach" DC.

Years ago we came up with the perfect (for me) mother's Day, a simple bfast that DH / kids make, small/fun or practical gifts, and just hanging out, a walk/hike if weather cooperates. Over the years, I think I figured out my favorite ways to celebrate and I've been honest.

I'd be happy if they planned to stay in and play games together. Or just make a simple meal and clean up after it.

I got to go to the grocery store, make all the food and clean all the mess. Again. Every day for the last 20 years. I also plan all the holidays, vacations, birthdays (including mine), then whe someone doesn't like it I'm the one they complain to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mothers day is an artificial holiday designed to support the flower/Hallmark business. Maybe your child sees that? I wish mine did!

Please accept the flowers your children got you without complaint. My mother always said stuff like you did and it felt like she was rejecting my overtures of love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh did nothing. Then when I asked if we had plans he said 'oh I was going to take you out for lunch', at a fast food restaurant. My 9 year old ran up stairs and scribbled a picture of flowers in 5 min. My 15 year old wasn't even out of bed yet. She then came down after hearing the conversation telling me that her and DH had discussed this all in advance. Then she put my card on my bathroom vanity telling me she had made it days ago. She didn't hand it to me, she just told me it was upstairs. I'm so sad.

Your elementary school kid drew you a picture, your high schooler bought a card and discussed taking you out to eat in advance with your husband, and you're . . . so sad? Having a Mother's Day card left for you to find when you wake up instead of pressed into your hand is enough to ruin the day? You seem like you're looking for a problem.

You misread the entire post. Good job.
1. I asked of anything was planned. Dh said 'no'
2. Dh says let's go out to eat at a crappy restaurant that you don't like.
3. I say no thanks.
4. Younger child goes up stairs and scribbles a card. (It was a nice gesture) and brings it to me 5 min later.
5. Older daughter comes downstairs after hearing everything and lies to me that she and her father planned everything in advance and that her younger sister made the card with her the day before.
6. I question reality and ask the younger one when she made the card. 'Just now' she says.

You're right I have nothing to be upset about. My family did nothing and lied to my face. Oh, and I got to make dinner for everyone and do all the clean up. They literally did nothing - except the younger one.

Why did ask the younger one when she made the card? Why not allow your family to save face that they were planning for you. I think you get off on stories about being forgotten by your family. Why not clearly express what you want each year and then hold firm to it?

[Anonymous]

Normal. Mine was stressed over AP exams.

[Anonymous]

My teens wished me HMD but did not make/buy cards for me. But I'm not a card person, so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me this is normal. My husband sent flowers and made dinner reservations for the 3 of us, but for the first time ever my 15 year old didn't even make me a card. Is this normal self-absorbed teen behavior?

Are you kidding?

You expect a 15 YO to MAKE you a card? Your poor kids.

Let them grow up OP. You don't have kindergarteners anymore, in case you haven't noticed.

[Anonymous]

My 20 yr old DS (who is just home from college) ran out in the evening to get a card and some flowers and chocolate. I pretended to not know where he was going. The card was not cheesy, he wrote a very thoughtful message on it which I liked. He also spent the day playing golf with me. Older son came for dinner with his live in girlfriend and made dinner for me. I enjoyed it all. Perfect? Don't know. Worked for me, I was happy. No complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 20 yr old DS (who is just home from college) ran out in the evening to get a card and some flowers and chocolate. I pretended to not know where he was going. The card was not cheesy, he wrote a very thoughtful message on it which I liked. He also spent the day playing golf with me. Older son came for dinner with his live in girlfriend and made dinner for me. I enjoyed it all. Perfect? Don't know. Worked for me, I was happy. No complaints.

PS. I've never expected them to get gifts, and always said I just want them to either spend some time together or do something nice. Which they did.