I don't like my in laws and I'm finally at peace with it
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Anonymous
| OP this is all on you. Also, you’re the first daughter in law I’ve ever heard of who wants her in laws in the house to “help” right after having a baby. No new mother wants that! |
Anonymous
Ok, troll. |
Anonymous
| They sound pretty awful, but so do you for expecting financial help from them. You are a grown-ass adult, and if you can’t afford kids, don’t have them. If you can’t afford to live in an expensive area, don’t. Stop whining. Maybe they decided you were a greedy, entitled woman after their money and that’s why they never warmed to you. |
Anonymous
| Here we go, the usual DCurbanmom pile on. Of course everything must be my fault! I'm stupid, greedy, entitled etc |
Anonymous
|
You had my sympathy until you asked them for $$.
But the advice is the same, don't expect, don't give, and you won't be disappointed. |
Anonymous
| I don’t like my in-laws but I also don’t ask them for anything. |
Anonymous
| I realized I didn't like them before we were even engaged. They had a different spouse in mind for him and made no secret of it. I actually dislike them enough that I overtly did NOT want their support, financial or otherwise. I don't interfere with their relationship with my DCs, but I do keep my emotional distance. |
Anonymous
Don’t forget selfish and histrionic. |
Anonymous
| You have a husband problem. |
Anonymous
|
If you’re truly at peace with it then you’ll let your husband know he is welcome to take the kids and spend time with them but you’re not going to interact with them anymore. You’ll also let him know you will not accept any financial help from them. It’s kind of hypocritical to accept money from people you don’t like and with this dynamic the money would have strings attached.
Also seems like you have a bit of a husband problem. Why isn’t he speaking to his parents about how they treat you and why would he allow you to be cooking and cleaning so soon after a c-section. Lots of this continued dynamic is on him. |
Anonymous
| I don't know how people ever make peace with having people toxic to them in their lives. I'd have to cut out my in-laws 100% to be at peace, but it would cause a lot of grief to my dh so I cannot do that. So I manage. It does get to me and I don't see how it will ever stop getting to me because it feels like a burden and anxiety-inducing. During the times I don't have to deal with them at all I notice that I am MUCH happier. |
Anonymous
If you feel entitled to their money and are complaining about it, then you deserve hearing the truth. |
Anonymous
| The financial situation is difficult since you mention they help other kids a lot and are wealthy. Parents have to be very mindful of not creating resentments and treating kids like they matter less when things are so uneven. It's often the most responsible kid who gets less which feels doubly injust and like a punishment for being too functional. So in a perfect world they'd dispense money to all kids or to none at all. Both are 100% fine and fair. Now I also think asking for money is in poor taste. They might hate that you guys are asking and feel used. It's very complicated and I actually don't think you can feel at peace with it. |
Anonymous
|
Yes totally different situation but I just accepted we'd never be close and I'd never feel welcomed by them. Once I accepted this it became easier to set healthy boundaries and communicate them, especially to my husband. I think for a time he tried to force a familial level of intimacy with his family in me, but finally I "dropped the rope" on my end and explained to him why that would never happen (his dad was openly misogynist in ways that were hurtful to me, for starters). To DH's credit, he listened and understood and didn't take it personally (I get his dad is just from another generation and doesn't really get what is harmful about his attitude, but also he truly does not respect me and that makes it impossible for me to have any kind of real relationship with him).
Now it's easier. I do one holiday a year with them, otherwise I largely avoid them. DH is in charge of his relationship with them. I am not expected to go the extra mile with them because they don't go the extra mile with me. The end. It works. |
Anonymous
| Do you know why they never liked you? Different race, religion, or something you could discuss and move forward? |