I don't like my in laws and I'm finally at peace with it

[Anonymous]

Has anyone ever realised they just don't like their in laws and accepted it and dropped the rope?

for context my husband and I have been together for 14 years. Married nine. Just had our second child together. his parents never really welcomed me. They didn't acknowledge me for the first year of our relationship and didn't even say congratulations when we got engaged.

After the second baby was born they've offered the bare minimum of help. They stayed with us after the baby was born and I was up cooking and cleaning for them five days post c section while they sat on the couch and watched tv. any request for help (physical childcare or financial help) was met with a response of "it's your responsibility". Eventually they agreed to give us some financial help (bear in mind these people are worth tens of millions of dollars).

We both have good jobs but the cost of childcare around here is astronomical. We've never asked them for money until now and it's just a short term request for help. It's just the attitude behind it is so bad!

Also my FIL refers to me as "the mother" when talking about the children. Apparently I don't even have a name!

anyway I'm just at the point where I'm done with them. My husband can facilitate the relationship with them. I can't even be bothered to answer their FaceTime calls. Maybe this is poor DIL behaviour but when people treat you so indifferently and disrespectfully for so many years- it's hard to muster up the energy to care anymore.

[Anonymous]

Is this made up? These stories get so tiring.

Just ignore them, OP. You don't need anyone's permission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this made up? These stories get so tiring.

Just ignore them, OP. You don't need anyone's permission.

+1, and don't have kids you cannnot afford.

[Anonymous]

They are different. Maybe even special. You can't change it really. There's not right or wrong.
Mine are on spectrum which makes them strange to me and I'm strange to them. I just keep my distance.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you have had a second child if you couldn’t afford it?

[Anonymous]

You only have yourself to blame. Able bodied adults sitting on the couch after you gave birth and won’t do anything? You simply don’t wait on them. This isn’t that difficult.

[Anonymous]

We can afford the second child. It would just be nice if they were able to offer some financial help to make this time a bit easier for us, given they are multi millionaires and they provide financial support to their other unemployed children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You only have yourself to blame. Able bodied adults sitting on the couch after you gave birth and won’t do anything? You simply don’t wait on them. This isn’t that difficult.

You're right. It will not happen again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are different. Maybe even special. You can't change it really. There's not right or wrong.
Mine are on spectrum which makes them strange to me and I'm strange to them. I just keep my distance.

I think this is wise advice, thank you

[Anonymous]

I dropped the rope on mine. But when you’re making asks for childcare assistance and financial assistance you have an obligation. I think you’re quite entitled to expect or even ask for money but not answer FaceTime calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You only have yourself to blame. Able bodied adults sitting on the couch after you gave birth and won’t do anything? You simply don’t wait on them. This isn’t that difficult.

+1. You stay in your room and revover. They ask you for something- you say you cannot help and tell them to Google takeout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We can afford the second child. It would just be nice if they were able to offer some financial help to make this time a bit easier for us, given they are multi millionaires and they provide financial support to their other unemployed children.

You sound entitled to their money and you’re not even their daughter. They are right to treat you coolly.

[Anonymous]

Why wasn't your husband cooking and waiting on his parents after you had a C-section? Not sure they the husband gets a pass here.

[Anonymous]

Well you didn't marry well. Sorry. Now look where you are. You marry someone's whole family. I wish more people could see this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dropped the rope on mine. But when you’re making asks for childcare assistance and financial assistance you have an obligation. I think you’re quite entitled to expect or even ask for money but not answer FaceTime calls.

This. My in-laws are fine but not the warm fuzzy type. They are very wealthy but I would never ask them for money. We did long ago ask if they wanted to babysit for us to have a date night, but when it was clear they only said yes grudgingly, we stopped asking.

But they haven’t don’t anything abusive or evil (and it doesn’t seem yours have either) so I see no reason not to be polite even though I keep them at arms length. I don’t take it personally.