Why do relationships not happen for me?

[Anonymous]

I'd seek therapy for help with this. Is it your looks/how you do (or don't) take care of yourself? Is your behavior awkward or offputting? Are you avoiding conversation due to social anxiety? Could be any number of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried online dating?

Have you tried therapy?

You are asking us to answer questions that we can’t help you with…but a therapist could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Seriously, I feel like the monster Demi Moore turns into in The Substance.
I'm unapproachable. People tell me it's fine and such but that is no help.

I just want to know what the problem is. I'm not on apps and at this moment I go to work and come home.
A couple years ago I went out more with friends, but nothing happened.

I am outside of my home for 12 hours a day. It's just not happening for me or maybe I am doing things wrong?
No man has shown interest in me ever.

Everyone I know is engaged or married

I don't know how old you are, but I know that if I was still in my thirties and looking to meet someone, I would do the dating apps. You can probably meet a lot of people- it only takes one right person.

Otherwise it's random- meet someone through a mutual friend, church, social group, etc. A long time ago I joined a hiking club to get in shape and meet people. I went on one or two dates. I met my DH when we both took a night class together.

[Anonymous]

BTDT and sometimes it takes throwing caution to the wind. LOL.

As a a joke, a few girlfriends set me up with a sandwich board saying "Hoochie-Mama" on the front and "Want Some?" on the back. Just to show them, I have twice worn it in public, both on Wilson Blvd and have been pleasantly surprised by the reactions. Yes, a lot of cat calls and honked horns and people pointing and laughing at me but also some nice conversations with interesting guys. Have got three dates right there on Wilson so far. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like a catch. I hope she finds someone who will appreciate her and give her a chance. Just look out for the incels lol. I am 45 and I don't think when I was younger we were so negative towards women the way some of the younger men are today. But in fairness I don't blame them. They are just victim of algorithms. Since they spend a lot of time online they are targeted by videos after videos of nonsense about women. When I was younger we played soccer outside and would get excited every time a girl with a nice butt passed by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTDT and sometimes it takes throwing caution to the wind. LOL.

As a a joke, a few girlfriends set me up with a sandwich board saying "Hoochie-Mama" on the front and "Want Some?" on the back. Just to show them, I have twice worn it in public, both on Wilson Blvd and have been pleasantly surprised by the reactions. Yes, a lot of cat calls and honked horns and people pointing and laughing at me but also some nice conversations with interesting guys. Have got three dates right there on Wilson so far. YMMV.

This is perfect lol. I am very attractive and tall but shy. But that would def get my attention and I would approach you. It's a great ice breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTDT and sometimes it takes throwing caution to the wind. LOL.

As a a joke, a few girlfriends set me up with a sandwich board saying "Hoochie-Mama" on the front and "Want Some?" on the back. Just to show them, I have twice worn it in public, both on Wilson Blvd and have been pleasantly surprised by the reactions. Yes, a lot of cat calls and honked horns and people pointing and laughing at me but also some nice conversations with interesting guys. Have got three dates right there on Wilson so far. YMMV.

Wow. You have spunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is not your fault and I say this as a man. I think men have lost the art of approaching women. Either they are too scared or shy about it. I think OLD has been a disaster for mens confidence. Men are at their best when they naturally approach a woman. Even men who are very shy and introverted, if they randomly come across their ideal match in a public setting if they tell you they were shy you have never believed it.

THIS!

Men are too scared to approach women nowadays.
The MeToo movement is a contributing factor. Many men are now unsure about how to approach women without potentially violating their boundaries.
They fear that their attempt to approach a woman will be misinterpreted as harassment, leading them to avoid all interactions.

Fewer men attempt to approach women at work for that reason. The workplace use to be a place where many relationships started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound very passive here:
"I'm unapproachable"
"I'm not on apps"
"I went out more with friends, but nothing happened"
"It's just not happening for me"
"No man has shown interest in me ever"

You want a relationship to "happen," but what are you doing actively in that area?

3 of my friends just met their husbands out and about / social settings

And what are you doing out and about in social settings? You said "at this moment I go to work and come home."

Right, but I also said that I used to be social and yet nothing happened. Hence me asking the question, am I the problem here?

Maybe. How would we know? Are you in therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not your fault and I say this as a man. I think men have lost the art of approaching women. Either they are too scared or shy about it. I think OLD has been a disaster for mens confidence. Men are at their best when they naturally approach a woman. Even men who are very shy and introverted, if they randomly come across their ideal match in a public setting if they tell you they were shy you have never believed it.

THIS!

Men are too scared to approach women nowadays.
The MeToo movement is a contributing factor. Many men are now unsure about how to approach women without potentially violating their boundaries.
They fear that their attempt to approach a woman will be misinterpreted as harassment, leading them to avoid all interactions.

Fewer men attempt to approach women at work for that reason. The workplace use to be a place where many relationships started.

This is SO lame. Here’s an easy primer:

Don’t be a dick
Don’t send dick pics unless requested
Don’t hit on subordinates
Don’t stalk

It’s pretty easy, really. Act like women are fellow humans & you’ll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not your fault and I say this as a man. I think men have lost the art of approaching women. Either they are too scared or shy about it. I think OLD has been a disaster for mens confidence. Men are at their best when they naturally approach a woman. Even men who are very shy and introverted, if they randomly come across their ideal match in a public setting if they tell you they were shy you have never believed it.

THIS!

Men are too scared to approach women nowadays.
The MeToo movement is a contributing factor. Many men are now unsure about how to approach women without potentially violating their boundaries.
They fear that their attempt to approach a woman will be misinterpreted as harassment, leading them to avoid all interactions.

Fewer men attempt to approach women at work for that reason. The workplace use to be a place where many relationships started.

This is SO lame. Here’s an easy primer:

Don’t be a dick
Don’t send dick pics unless requested
Don’t hit on subordinates
Don’t stalk

It’s pretty easy, really. Act like women are fellow humans & you’ll be fine.

Yes, but the risk of being misinterpreted and fired is so much higher. Why take that risk when OLD is safer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Seriously, I feel like the monster Demi Moore turns into in The Substance.
I'm unapproachable. People tell me it's fine and such but that is no help.

I just want to know what the problem is. I'm not on apps and at this moment I go to work and come home.
A couple years ago I went out more with friends, but nothing happened.

I am outside of my home for 12 hours a day. It's just not happening for me or maybe I am doing things wrong?
No man has shown interest in me ever.

Everyone I know is engaged or married

Three points: 1. Are there things about your physical appearance that might be disincentivizing men from approaching you? I ask that without judgment, but if so, it’s a different kind of problem that likely calls from different kinds of solutions, and if you’re serious about finding someone, its best to be truthful with yourself about that. 2. Assuming the answer to 1 is “no,” you need to treat this as a networking problem. Do you have casual acquaintances you can mention “hey, I’m looking to meet someone, keep your ear out”? 3. You might have to steel yourself to approaching men rather than waiting for them to approach you. Doesn’t have to be anything major, even saying something like “hey, that’s a cool shirt/watch/hat/whatever” is enough to put it in play and any guy worth your time who is available will take it from there in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Ask your friends to set you up

[Anonymous]

Have you tried talking to a man and asking one out?

[Anonymous]

I think this situation is why OLD was invented, OP. If you're not meeting people in real life while at work, running errands, through friends, etc. then OLD provides you so many opportunities to connect. At work, four us met our partners through dating apps, and I married mine. It is a means to a wonderful end.