Why do relationships not happen for me?

[Anonymous]

Seriously, I feel like the monster Demi Moore turns into in The Substance.
I'm unapproachable. People tell me it's fine and such but that is no help.

I just want to know what the problem is. I'm not on apps and at this moment I go to work and come home.
A couple years ago I went out more with friends, but nothing happened.

I am outside of my home for 12 hours a day. It's just not happening for me or maybe I am doing things wrong?
No man has shown interest in me ever.

Everyone I know is engaged or married

[Anonymous]

You need to go where the men are - bars, gyms, sporting events. Dress well and be light + approachable. It's a numbers game too, so you just have two keep at it.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried online dating?

[Anonymous]

You sound very passive here:
"I'm unapproachable"
"I'm not on apps"
"I went out more with friends, but nothing happened"
"It's just not happening for me"
"No man has shown interest in me ever"

You want a relationship to "happen," but what are you doing actively in that area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound very passive here:
"I'm unapproachable"
"I'm not on apps"
"I went out more with friends, but nothing happened"
"It's just not happening for me"
"No man has shown interest in me ever"

You want a relationship to "happen," but what are you doing actively in that area?

3 of my friends just met their husbands out and about / social settings

[Anonymous]

Try the apps -

[Anonymous]

It's mathematical, OP. You aren't putting yourself out there, so you're not finding anyone. Therefore, you are the prime candidate for apps. And those are a special kind of hell, but one that you can't do without, given you can't seem to get your act together. You will have to weed through a ton of people on the apps, and treat it like a JOB: put in the time and effort to meet potential dates, see if you click, find out if they can go the distance, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound very passive here:
"I'm unapproachable"
"I'm not on apps"
"I went out more with friends, but nothing happened"
"It's just not happening for me"
"No man has shown interest in me ever"

You want a relationship to "happen," but what are you doing actively in that area?

3 of my friends just met their husbands out and about / social settings

And what are you doing out and about in social settings? You said "at this moment I go to work and come home."

[Anonymous]

I am someone who didn't have trouble meeting guys when I was in school. But when I entered the work world, that all changed. These days, you need to do the apps if you want to meet someone.

I'm with somebody amazing now, years after my divorce. He and I joke about how we are are perfect for one another, but would never have met if we hadn't been on the apps. We have totally different social and work life circles. And even then, we didn't meet until the week when each of us expanded our geographic reach far beyond what we initially thought would be ideal. We drive almost an hour and a half each way to see one another many times a week. He's absolutely worth it, and he feels the same about me.

I met my ex-H on the apps over 20 years ago. We later found one connection through which we might have met without the app. But we were both grateful we took the chance and met online because that connection might have never been made otherwise.

The only other advice I'd give is to ask yourself whether you'd date you. Are you doing everything to develop yourself into the best version of you that you could be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound very passive here:
"I'm unapproachable"
"I'm not on apps"
"I went out more with friends, but nothing happened"
"It's just not happening for me"
"No man has shown interest in me ever"

You want a relationship to "happen," but what are you doing actively in that area?

3 of my friends just met their husbands out and about / social settings

And what are you doing out and about in social settings? You said "at this moment I go to work and come home."

Right, but I also said that I used to be social and yet nothing happened. Hence me asking the question, am I the problem here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Seriously, I feel like the monster Demi Moore turns into in The Substance.
I'm unapproachable. People tell me it's fine and such but that is no help.

I just want to know what the problem is. I'm not on apps and at this moment I go to work and come home.
A couple years ago I went out more with friends, but nothing happened.

I am outside of my home for 12 hours a day. It's just not happening for me or maybe I am doing things wrong?
No man has shown interest in me ever.

Everyone I know is engaged or married

I am engaged and 33. If I were single and we match I would give you a chance. I think it's a matter of luck to be honest. I'll say we men have it a bit easier especially after 30 because most women I have come across genuinely want a relationship. So when we are ready we know eventually there will be someone out there. For women perhaps it's a bit more challenging because sorting out the serious ones from the losers is not always easy and/or is time consuming. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to go where the men are - bars, gyms, sporting events. Dress well and be light + approachable. It's a numbers game too, so you just have two keep at it.

Gross quality there.
Alumni gatherings, reunions, volunteer events.

[Anonymous]

OP is not your fault and I say this as a man. I think men have lost the art of approaching women. Either they are too scared or shy about it. I think OLD has been a disaster for mens confidence. Men are at their best when they naturally approach a woman. Even men who are very shy and introverted, if they randomly come across their ideal match in a public setting if they tell you they were shy you have never believed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is not your fault and I say this as a man. I think men have lost the art of approaching women. Either they are too scared or shy about it. I think OLD has been a disaster for mens confidence. Men are at their best when they naturally approach a woman. Even men who are very shy and introverted, if they randomly come across their ideal match in a public setting if they tell you they were shy you have never believed it.

Thank you and thanks to everyone

[Anonymous]

Also, don't forget your circle of friends. Those new husbands of your friends must have single guy friends. Do any of them throw parties or invite others for a night out? My now husband was a friend of a friend that I met at a barbecue.