Slim picking dating in your fifties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apps is not the place to go.

Oh god, does this mean we all need to start playing pickleball?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My newly divorced friend showed me her options on the dating apps. These older men she is matching with are not physically attractive or the ones who are don’t seem interested or obviously only want sex. I guess all the good ones are taken or prefer a younger woman.

My friend was beautiful in her twenties and thirties. She now looks like an average middle aged woman. She looks great for her age but she is still in her fifties.

I am 50, divorced, attractive, full set of hair, and interested in a genuine connection. However I am broke. Yes I have enough means to support myself, but my divorce set me back for retirement and I have freshman twins in college. I haven't gone on OLD yet. The reason I am still on the sideline is my assumption that most women my age probably want someone younger and are very skeptical about men my age. I am not interested in a younger women because younger women are a terrible match for men in their 50s. While I still have energy and I am passionate I am not delusional in thinking that I can keep up with a woman in her 30s. I am just being honest. Women in their 50s can date younger men because women are just more passionate than men. They always want to do stuff whereas most men my age are just fine being home or going out occasionally.

Your friend isn't playing her cards properly because our society is different now. It's not taboo for women in their 50s to date men in their 30s and 40s. So she should take advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can agree date younger? I'm 50 but date 35 yo and up

Genuine question. At 50, what can you offer a man who is only 35? Aren't you concerned that a 35 years old can't find a woman his age and has to date someone 35 years older? What makes you so different from a 35 years old woman.

I find this trend of women advocating for dating younger men interesting. We men hear all the time from women that we are immature, we are man-child etc. So suddenly when you are 50, the 35 years old man is not immature or a man-child anymore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. According to DCUM, if a women divorces at any age, there is a stack of men lined up ready to date her. That's why the woman is always encouraged to get a divorce.

I’m not sure why you think that I am a troll. I was with my friend and she made the dating scene sound truly sad in her fifties. I think she thought being single would be better than being with her ex.

She did date a few divorced men post divorce. It doesn’t last long and fizzles.

She must not be in a really unhealthy relationship, because oh my god, is it so much better to be alone. I cried in happiness when I finally had my own tiny place with a lock on it, to which only. I had the key. Bliss.

Of course, I'm now dating a fellow person in their 50s,a nd he and I have known each other for 25 years but never were single at the same time, and it is perfect. Even better bliss. But anything would have been better than what I had, at the time I left that relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can agree date younger? I'm 50 but date 35 yo and up

Genuine question. At 50, what can you offer a man who is only 35? Aren't you concerned that a 35 years old can't find a woman his age and has to date someone 35 years older? What makes you so different from a 35 years old woman.

I find this trend of women advocating for dating younger men interesting. We men hear all the time from women that we are immature, we are man-child etc. So suddenly when you are 50, the 35 years old man is not immature or a man-child anymore?

I'm convinced that the majority of people advocating that women in their 50's date men in their 30's are men. As a woman in her 50's, you couldn't pay me to date a 35 yo man. I guess if I just wanted sex, maybe? But I'd rather have a genuine connection, and that's not happening with a guy 15 years my jr. No shade to them, they're just in a different place in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced and in my 50s. I've done OLD both recently and back in my early 30s. The quality of the men is about the same, TBH. But I found it much easier in my 50s because I no longer cared about finding someone in time to have kids with him, and I was much clearer about what characteristics really matter in a partner. Half the battle with OLD is not wasting your time on men who aren't worth it and that's easier to discern with a mature man.

To find a great man, you need to screen out all the losers. Only chat with men who say they're looking for a LTR and who state they no longer want kids. Any man over 50 who says he wants or is unsure about kids should be avoided. Screen for men who are seeking women with at least a college degree. Avoid anyone who has children still living at home. If you're in DC, expand your geographic boundaries to include the suburbs because that's where divorced men who kept the house are located. Don't meet anyone in person till you have his full name and place of employment so that you can do a check to make sure he's legit. If he doesn't ask you out within a week of "meeting" online, drop him and move on because he's not serious and is likely just feeding his ego and might be married. Get a Google phone number so that you can text off the app without giving out your cell number.

I didn't have a bad time on OLD because like the PP said, I had hardline filters. No more or less than a 10 year age difference. College educated. No kids. Needed to respond within a day. Nothing weird in the chat. No pathetic excuses, "I'm really 55 but I don't know how to change it from the 48 it says on my profile." I only would do a weekday drink after work or early coffee date or a walk for the first date. Nothing casual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My newly divorced friend showed me her options on the dating apps. These older men she is matching with are not physically attractive or the ones who are don’t seem interested or obviously only want sex. I guess all the good ones are taken or prefer a younger woman.

My friend was beautiful in her twenties and thirties. She now looks like an average middle aged woman. She looks great for her age but she is still in her fifties.

I am 50, divorced, attractive, full set of hair, and interested in a genuine connection. However I am broke. Yes I have enough means to support myself, but my divorce set me back for retirement and I have freshman twins in college. I haven't gone on OLD yet. The reason I am still on the sideline is my assumption that most women my age probably want someone younger and are very skeptical about men my age. I am not interested in a younger women because younger women are a terrible match for men in their 50s. While I still have energy and I am passionate I am not delusional in thinking that I can keep up with a woman in her 30s. I am just being honest. Women in their 50s can date younger men because women are just more passionate than men. They always want to do stuff whereas most men my age are just fine being home or going out occasionally.

Your friend isn't playing her cards properly because our society is different now. It's not taboo for women in their 50s to date men in their 30s and 40s. So she should take advantage.

I’m not divorced yet. But if I were - I’d date you. I’m early 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced and in my 50s. I've done OLD both recently and back in my early 30s. The quality of the men is about the same, TBH. But I found it much easier in my 50s because I no longer cared about finding someone in time to have kids with him, and I was much clearer about what characteristics really matter in a partner. Half the battle with OLD is not wasting your time on men who aren't worth it and that's easier to discern with a mature man.

To find a great man, you need to screen out all the losers. Only chat with men who say they're looking for a LTR and who state they no longer want kids. Any man over 50 who says he wants or is unsure about kids should be avoided. Screen for men who are seeking women with at least a college degree. Avoid anyone who has children still living at home. If you're in DC, expand your geographic boundaries to include the suburbs because that's where divorced men who kept the house are located. Don't meet anyone in person till you have his full name and place of employment so that you can do a check to make sure he's legit. If he doesn't ask you out within a week of "meeting" online, drop him and move on because he's not serious and is likely just feeding his ego and might be married. Get a Google phone number so that you can text off the app without giving out your cell number.

I didn't have a bad time on OLD because like the PP said, I had hardline filters. No more or less than a 10 year age difference. College educated. No kids. Needed to respond within a day. Nothing weird in the chat. No pathetic excuses, "I'm really 55 but I don't know how to change it from the 48 it says on my profile." I only would do a weekday drink after work or early coffee date or a walk for the first date. Nothing casual.

What do you mean “no kids” ? An empty nester or doesn’t have kids? Nothing casual means no casual sex?

[Anonymous]

I had no problems with OLD and have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. Im in my late 40s, he is in his 50s. We are both ok looking, both kinda chubby, neither of us are perfect but we are perfect for each other.

I agree with what others have said - stick to strict boundaries re what you are looking for, dont put up with anyone who acts weird before you meet them, dont put all of your eggs in one basket, be cautious and confirm. And trust your instinct. The man who will only chat on WhatsApp is prob married. The man who gives a fake name on the app and says its for work purposes is probably married. The man who has been married multiple times but never gone to therapy to work through how any of this could potentially be his fault at all isn’t going to all of a sudden change for you.

But ignore the DCUM posters who have so many theories re why someone at X age has it worse bc someone at X age wants to meet someone at X age… Most people arent operating from that mentality, most people just want to meet someone they enjoy spending time with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. According to DCUM, if a women divorces at any age, there is a stack of men lined up ready to date her. That's why the woman is always encouraged to get a divorce.

I’m not sure why you think that I am a troll. I was with my friend and she made the dating scene sound truly sad in her fifties. I think she thought being single would be better than being with her ex.

She did date a few divorced men post divorce. It doesn’t last long and fizzles.

She must not be in a really unhealthy relationship, because oh my god, is it so much better to be alone. I cried in happiness when I finally had my own tiny place with a lock on it, to which only. I had the key. Bliss.

Of course, I'm now dating a fellow person in their 50s,a nd he and I have known each other for 25 years but never were single at the same time, and it is perfect. Even better bliss. But anything would have been better than what I had, at the time I left that relationship.

Did you have kids with the exDH? That usually complicates a lot of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can agree date younger? I'm 50 but date 35 yo and up

Genuine question. At 50, what can you offer a man who is only 35? Aren't you concerned that a 35 years old can't find a woman his age and has to date someone 35 years older? What makes you so different from a 35 years old woman.

I find this trend of women advocating for dating younger men interesting. We men hear all the time from women that we are immature, we are man-child etc. So suddenly when you are 50, the 35 years old man is not immature or a man-child anymore?

I am 47. I have been seeing someone on and off for about 3 years. He is now 28. Honestly, he is more mature than my exH who is 51. I keep cutting it off due to the optics of the age gap, but I have no issue relating to him at all. I will never remarry so it does not matter.

[Anonymous]

What's the point of dating again at 50, anyway? Everyone that age has baggage, and women almost always get left carrying the load. Now that I'm in my 40s, I finally understand why my grandmother, who was widowed in her 40s, never dated again. She had a vibrant social life up until she passed at 99. She had a close relationship with her kids and grandkids. And most importantly to her, she didn't have to take care of another man and his extended family. She alluded that the second half of her life was the best half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. According to DCUM, if a women divorces at any age, there is a stack of men lined up ready to date her. That's why the woman is always encouraged to get a divorce.

I’m not sure why you think that I am a troll. I was with my friend and she made the dating scene sound truly sad in her fifties. I think she thought being single would be better than being with her ex.

She did date a few divorced men post divorce. It doesn’t last long and fizzles.

She must not be in a really unhealthy relationship, because oh my god, is it so much better to be alone. I cried in happiness when I finally had my own tiny place with a lock on it, to which only. I had the key. Bliss.

Of course, I'm now dating a fellow person in their 50s,a nd he and I have known each other for 25 years but never were single at the same time, and it is perfect. Even better bliss. But anything would have been better than what I had, at the time I left that relationship.

Did you have kids with the exDH? That usually complicates a lot of things.

I did not. I agree that would be a hugely complicating factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My newly divorced friend showed me her options on the dating apps. These older men she is matching with are not physically attractive or the ones who are don’t seem interested or obviously only want sex. I guess all the good ones are taken or prefer a younger woman.

My friend was beautiful in her twenties and thirties. She now looks like an average middle aged woman. She looks great for her age but she is still in her fifties.

You guess?

Of course this is the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced and in my 50s. I've done OLD both recently and back in my early 30s. The quality of the men is about the same, TBH. But I found it much easier in my 50s because I no longer cared about finding someone in time to have kids with him, and I was much clearer about what characteristics really matter in a partner. Half the battle with OLD is not wasting your time on men who aren't worth it and that's easier to discern with a mature man.

To find a great man, you need to screen out all the losers. Only chat with men who say they're looking for a LTR and who state they no longer want kids. Any man over 50 who says he wants or is unsure about kids should be avoided. Screen for men who are seeking women with at least a college degree. Avoid anyone who has children still living at home. If you're in DC, expand your geographic boundaries to include the suburbs because that's where divorced men who kept the house are located. Don't meet anyone in person till you have his full name and place of employment so that you can do a check to make sure he's legit. If he doesn't ask you out within a week of "meeting" online, drop him and move on because he's not serious and is likely just feeding his ego and might be married. Get a Google phone number so that you can text off the app without giving out your cell number.

Men in the 'burbs who "kept the house" and are still in it have "children still living at home."