Long term unemployed/slacker husbands

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel this is the wife's fault. If you tolerate slacking for very long, you are going to get a slacker. Getting married means becoming the mother of a boy/man - you got to parent the same as you do your kids.

I know, it's always the wife's fault. Husband is a slacker, unemployed and bad with the kids - must be the wife's fault. God forbid something is ever the husband's fault.

[Anonymous]

My ex-DH was a bum. He could not hold a job and did not help out around the house or with our DD. He drank during the day and slept most days. I only found out about his day drinking when my DD took a sip of his pop but it was beer. I took care of him because of his diagnosed bipolar disorder, which he used as a crutch. He apparently holds a job now.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Who has contributed more financially over the course of the relationship? It seems for many that a man's worth is only his income and as soon as that dries up, they want to toss him to the curb. There are many women who don't seem to realize that being an adult and having children requires money and they contribute nothing to those expenses. That is a man's job to them. So for those women, if the man stops giving them the lifestyle they want - then he has no value, no worth, he is nothing.

But men should be able to spot those women early. They are the ones expecting him to pay for dates, who expect an engagement ring etc. If they are materialistic and shirk all financial responsibilities while dating, that isn't going to change when you marry.

And despite the trope that SAHMs are all making 3 meals a day from scratch, maintaining spotless homes, do 99% of everything and never drop the ball - that isn't the reality from what I have ever seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends. Who has contributed more financially over the course of the relationship? It seems for many that a man's worth is only his income and as soon as that dries up, they want to toss him to the curb. There are many women who don't seem to realize that being an adult and having children requires money and they contribute nothing to those expenses. That is a man's job to them. So for those women, if the man stops giving them the lifestyle they want - then he has no value, no worth, he is nothing.

But men should be able to spot those women early. They are the ones expecting him to pay for dates, who expect an engagement ring etc. If they are materialistic and shirk all financial responsibilities while dating, that isn't going to change when you marry.

And despite the trope that SAHMs are all making 3 meals a day from scratch, maintaining spotless homes, do 99% of everything and never drop the ball - that isn't the reality from what I have ever seen.

You should start a post about all the women who abuse you financially. This one isn't it - it's about unemployed men who don't contribute in any other way.

[Anonymous]

BTDT but long term unemployed DH has begun new men's apparel business off a contact he actually made on DCUM. The original business owner had to remove himself from the business and made DH an incredible offer and he is sooooo excited. He is VERY patriotic, loves America yada yada, and believes the timing is right for this fun, new item to really take off. Remaining hopeful!

[Anonymous]

You call him a slacker which means you have little to no respect for him. Is that a recipe for even an ok marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump them.

I had a BF like this. He magically got and held a job after I left him and stopped paying for him.

If my H lost his job, I’d give him about 3 months before I’d issue the ultimatum that he needs to find a job or move out.

You seem like a real catch. He will be better off with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel this is the wife's fault. If you tolerate slacking for very long, you are going to get a slacker. Getting married means becoming the mother of a boy/man - you got to parent the same as you do your kids.

I know, it's always the wife's fault. Husband is a slacker, unemployed and bad with the kids - must be the wife's fault. God forbid something is ever the husband's fault.

I'm saying, don't be an enabler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BTDT but long term unemployed DH has begun new men's apparel business off a contact he actually made on DCUM. The original business owner had to remove himself from the business and made DH an incredible offer and he is sooooo excited. He is VERY patriotic, loves America yada yada, and believes the timing is right for this fun, new item to really take off. Remaining hopeful!

Wait is this the T-shirt/pants guy? Please say it is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump them.

I had a BF like this. He magically got and held a job after I left him and stopped paying for him.

If my H lost his job, I’d give him about 3 months before I’d issue the ultimatum that he needs to find a job or move out.

3 months is wild, I’d be terrified to be married to a woman like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dump them.

I had a BF like this. He magically got and held a job after I left him and stopped paying for him.

If my H lost his job, I’d give him about 3 months before I’d issue the ultimatum that he needs to find a job or move out.

3 months is wild, I’d be terrified to be married to a woman like this.

It’s not that hard to find a job.

My xH left me when I was a SAHM and I found one within a month.

You treat finding a job like your full time job, which means 8 hours a day spent on applications. Most people just applying to 1 or 2 and call it a day.

Sad state for men nowadays that they don’t even feel the drive to provide for their family. If I lost mine today, I could get a new one within a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump them.

I had a BF like this. He magically got and held a job after I left him and stopped paying for him.

If my H lost his job, I’d give him about 3 months before I’d issue the ultimatum that he needs to find a job or move out.

Yep. This is what happens when freeloaders are cut off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this is my husband. He took a buyout while we were in the process of moving. We realized while he wasn’t working, my career soared. He was able to manage our move and subsequent renovation projects perfectly and i got a huge promotion. We don’t need him to work to get by financially and I like that he handles all the pickups and dropoffs. That said, I always figured he’d eventually get another job or some consulting work for mental health/self-actualizarion purposes. But it’s been more than two years now and I see no signs that he’s interested.

Are you ok with him never working again? What’s stopping him?

Insecurity is stopping him I think. He’s worried about ageism in late 40s. I’m OK with him never working again but I also have a gnawing feeling that it’s not the best thing for him mental health wise.

You are most likely right. I would get very depressed without a job, and I don't think I'm alone in this. It doesn't have to be a hard job, and it doesn't have to be full time, but I need to be accountable to someone/something and I need to get the heck out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If my H lost his job, I’d give him about 3 months before I’d issue the ultimatum that he needs to find a job or move out.

Yeah, that's it. Three months. In one of the worst job markets for while collar positions while the Dump administration is actively screwing the DC job market. Great idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
3 months is wild, I’d be terrified to be married to a woman like this.

Haha, that's what I just said. Three months is a blink of an eye in unemployment. I love how women think unemployed guys can just snap their fingers and get a job, any job, even working at Target. Just totally disconnected from reality.