Holding back the crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly just stay in Rec. Say no to travel. I don’t think there is any way to avoid the craziness of it otherwise. There is no way to avoid pressure for private lessons, indoor facilities memberships, $500 bats, etc. The easiest way is to just not do down that road to begin with. I’m in the process of unwinding it all and regret ever doing it.

I find the LL parents (the subset that gossips, overly cares, etc.) way more crazy than anything in travel. It's more insular and the same kids year after year. You could not pay me to do LL All-Stars.

+100

I found LL to have WAY crazier parents than travel. Especially anything to do with all stars. So much drama. There are some crazy parents in travel as well- but at least you have the option to switch teams if it gets to be too much.

Also not all “travel” ball (especially at the younger ages) is super expensive or terribly more consuming than LL. Many younger teams just play in local doubleheader leagues and do a few local tournaments (maybe traveling a few hours away a few times per year).

So our town had their all-star team go to the LLWS two years ago. You would not believe the next-level drama this stoked during their run up to the World Series and then the two years after. Parents of 5 year olds have realized the power that coaches eventually have to get kids into all-stars, so they’re all but fighting to be assistant coach #2 in tee ball so they can get their kid on the inside from day 1. Parents of 10-11 year olds have turned gossipy and generally psycho, and the entire baseball cohort of boys ages 8-11 at school are known as instigators of fights and arguments, overly competitive, and trash talkers and bullies.

The kids and parents outside of LL are not like this at all.

Ditto. Our league went to the LLWS a few years ago and it was absolutely NUTS and continues to be. It has attracted all of the most hyper competitive parents in our area (now that the LL boundary rules have changed for younger players) and parents start jockeying for coaching positions as early as coach pitch level to gain influence. It isn’t a matter of finding enough parents to volunteer (as in many little leagues)- it is whether you will be lucky or connected enough to be “selected” as a coach! It is truly crazy. And has spawned tons of early-aged “travel teams” (also run by parents) to train “likely all stars” from as early as age 8ish. It is totally insane. I have honestly never seen anything like it, and I have 3 kids who have all played multiple sports over the years (including LL).

Most leagues have some drama but are not like this (according to friends in other areas) but in hyper competitive leagues it can really be bad. My youngest has aged out of LL, fortunately, but our neighbors have 2 younger kids in LL and have mentioned their frustrations.

Travel ball is so much better, at least in our area. There will always be a bit of drama in youth sports, but we have found travel ball to be way less drama overall.

[Anonymous]

How old?

I have known several families whose kids would’ve made all stars, but purposely plan travel during that time instead. For real. You still have time, LOL. One family relented and let their kid play AS for the 12 year old year.

You are likely better off skipping all stars and enjoying your summer + finding a low key travel team to play on as he gets a bit older (depending how old he is) if he likes baseball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see so many parents in our little league who are the crazy sports parents that get discussed here often. They’re overly invested in their kids’ performance, very up to date on who is getting picked for what, gossiping about the kids and the coaches. It goes on and on.

I do not under any circumstance want to be one of those people. I have one kid who is just average, but my younger kid seems to be the best on his team and people keep bringing up the possibility of him being on the summer all star teams etc. Suddenly I found myself thinking about this a lot, even though objectively I don’t really care. I don’t even like baseball that much! And we have a ton of other things we could do with our time other than sit at baseball fields all summer.

How do I stop myself from falling into the crazy sport parent world before it really starts. Just stop engaging with people? Ignore it when it comes up? Redirect myself when I start thinking about it?

All Stars is 7 days a week of practices and games and travel for the tournament. And it is legitimately fun for the kids who love the game. There is a lot of pomp and circumstance- the kids walk in the Fourth of July parade together and get awards and bling rings. People try to make it special for the kids because it is special. For the nerd parents- they research all of the rules and stats. For the crafty parents- so much swag is made! For the food parents- so much potlucking!

I mention this because I know it seems to be “crazy” to obsess over it but the kids take it so seriously too. When they go back to school- they wear the all stars hats and jerseys to class. (Our league has them customized and everything.). The whole school knows who made the team- it’s very much a thing.

But it’s also ephemeral. And every baseball parent looks back on it fondly. I know you think it’s crazy- but it’s just a magical time of raw emotion for these kids. It’s a huge level of growth too.

I hope you will reconsider it next year if you have the opportunity. Your kid, if they love the sport, might ask and I hope you give it a shot.

[Anonymous]

If your husband isn’t a coach and isn’t best friends with a coach or a lobbyist with the coach, your kid isn’t making the all star team. It doesn’t matter how good they are. Truly, stop thinking about it and hope that your child goes on vacation before all the kids start talking about it. The team is predetermined by the appointed coach of the team. He will pick his drinking buddies’ kids. Your child is not going to make it. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. If you don’t have a penis, and a baseball related favor to give their kid in return they’re not picking you. Tell your kid that all star is rigged and it’s not the best players and move on. Seriously. It’s not happening. Your kid can bat .800 and pitch strikeouts only and they’re not making it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband isn’t a coach and isn’t best friends with a coach or a lobbyist with the coach, your kid isn’t making the all star team. It doesn’t matter how good they are. Truly, stop thinking about it and hope that your child goes on vacation before all the kids start talking about it. The team is predetermined by the appointed coach of the team. He will pick his drinking buddies’ kids. Your child is not going to make it. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. If you don’t have a penis, and a baseball related favor to give their kid in return they’re not picking you. Tell your kid that all star is rigged and it’s not the best players and move on. Seriously. It’s not happening. Your kid can bat .800 and pitch strikeouts only and they’re not making it.

+1

Largely true. Also- which kids play on the “feeder” travel/select team (which is whatever team the head coach’s kid plays on, by the way).

There will be a few merit based spots though (pitching, usually). Generally if you are (a) not in the group and (b) your kid isn’t one of the top 2 pitchers in the league, I’d assume he won’t be making the team. It is just the way it is. If you end up being pleasantly surprised- great. But I wouldn’t make plans around it or get hopes up much.

[Anonymous]

My kid is at a uniform school and the head of school banned “hoodies as jackets” ostensibly as a way to enforce the dress code but really to reduce the discord that all-star hoodies stoke at the start of the first cool days of fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband isn’t a coach and isn’t best friends with a coach or a lobbyist with the coach, your kid isn’t making the all star team. It doesn’t matter how good they are. Truly, stop thinking about it and hope that your child goes on vacation before all the kids start talking about it. The team is predetermined by the appointed coach of the team. He will pick his drinking buddies’ kids. Your child is not going to make it. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. If you don’t have a penis, and a baseball related favor to give their kid in return they’re not picking you. Tell your kid that all star is rigged and it’s not the best players and move on. Seriously. It’s not happening. Your kid can bat .800 and pitch strikeouts only and they’re not making it.

My DD does a different sport but I was at a school function last night and a very wise 4th grade parent was giving basically this exact advice to a 2nd grade parent. She said they went to the potential all-stars meeting, read the 14-page handbook, and promptly booked a vacation during- oops- all stars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see so many parents in our little league who are the crazy sports parents that get discussed here often. They’re overly invested in their kids’ performance, very up to date on who is getting picked for what, gossiping about the kids and the coaches. It goes on and on.

I do not under any circumstance want to be one of those people. I have one kid who is just average, but my younger kid seems to be the best on his team and people keep bringing up the possibility of him being on the summer all star teams etc. Suddenly I found myself thinking about this a lot, even though objectively I don’t really care. I don’t even like baseball that much! And we have a ton of other things we could do with our time other than sit at baseball fields all summer.

How do I stop myself from falling into the crazy sport parent world before it really starts. Just stop engaging with people? Ignore it when it comes up? Redirect myself when I start thinking about it?

All Stars is 7 days a week of practices and games and travel for the tournament. And it is legitimately fun for the kids who love the game. There is a lot of pomp and circumstance- the kids walk in the Fourth of July parade together and get awards and bling rings. People try to make it special for the kids because it is special. For the nerd parents- they research all of the rules and stats. For the crafty parents- so much swag is made! For the food parents- so much potlucking!

I mention this because I know it seems to be “crazy” to obsess over it but the kids take it so seriously too. When they go back to school- they wear the all stars hats and jerseys to class. (Our league has them customized and everything.). The whole school knows who made the team- it’s very much a thing.

But it’s also ephemeral. And every baseball parent looks back on it fondly. I know you think it’s crazy- but it’s just a magical time of raw emotion for these kids. It’s a huge level of growth too.

I hope you will reconsider it next year if you have the opportunity. Your kid, if they love the sport, might ask and I hope you give it a shot.

You put crazy in quotes, but yeah it is literally crazy, every thing you said here is wild! No thanks.

[Anonymous]

The gossips are rough, especially those in the coach's ear. Steer clear from those dishing on other families. Yours will be discussed when you are not around. People who rise above that mess will be happier in the end and have less stressed kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband isn’t a coach and isn’t best friends with a coach or a lobbyist with the coach, your kid isn’t making the all star team. It doesn’t matter how good they are. Truly, stop thinking about it and hope that your child goes on vacation before all the kids start talking about it. The team is predetermined by the appointed coach of the team. He will pick his drinking buddies’ kids. Your child is not going to make it. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. If you don’t have a penis, and a baseball related favor to give their kid in return they’re not picking you. Tell your kid that all star is rigged and it’s not the best players and move on. Seriously. It’s not happening. Your kid can bat .800 and pitch strikeouts only and they’re not making it.

In our league, the players themselves vote for 12 12U All Star steam members and that constitutes 65% of the vote…managers vote and that’s the remaining 35%.

Have never seen an instance where the players all select 12 players and the managers have even 1 or two that are not also part of the 12.

Now…if any of those 12 can’t participate then the All Star manager can pick whomever they want (ie, it doesn’t just go to the kid that received 13th place).

[Anonymous]

There are so many ups and downs to being an engaged sports parent. Your kid shows potential, then they get passed up, then they again show a new level of dedication. It's such an emotional, prideful, and then humbling ride. I'm near the end, and I am burnt out as a parent. I can't wait until my athletic kid is old enough to drive, at which point I can mostly check out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see so many parents in our little league who are the crazy sports parents that get discussed here often. They’re overly invested in their kids’ performance, very up to date on who is getting picked for what, gossiping about the kids and the coaches. It goes on and on.

I do not under any circumstance want to be one of those people. I have one kid who is just average, but my younger kid seems to be the best on his team and people keep bringing up the possibility of him being on the summer all star teams etc. Suddenly I found myself thinking about this a lot, even though objectively I don’t really care. I don’t even like baseball that much! And we have a ton of other things we could do with our time other than sit at baseball fields all summer.

How do I stop myself from falling into the crazy sport parent world before it really starts. Just stop engaging with people? Ignore it when it comes up? Redirect myself when I start thinking about it?

All Stars is 7 days a week of practices and games and travel for the tournament. And it is legitimately fun for the kids who love the game. There is a lot of pomp and circumstance- the kids walk in the Fourth of July parade together and get awards and bling rings. People try to make it special for the kids because it is special. For the nerd parents- they research all of the rules and stats. For the crafty parents- so much swag is made! For the food parents- so much potlucking!

I mention this because I know it seems to be “crazy” to obsess over it but the kids take it so seriously too. When they go back to school- they wear the all stars hats and jerseys to class. (Our league has them customized and everything.). The whole school knows who made the team- it’s very much a thing.

But it’s also ephemeral. And every baseball parent looks back on it fondly. I know you think it’s crazy- but it’s just a magical time of raw emotion for these kids. It’s a huge level of growth too.

I hope you will reconsider it next year if you have the opportunity. Your kid, if they love the sport, might ask and I hope you give it a shot.

You put crazy in quotes, but yeah it is literally crazy, every thing you said here is wild! No thanks.

Not to mention they play on a tee-ball sized field, don't take leads, no balks, etc.

The players that want to develop into ballplayers don't waste time with LL All-Stars, no matter how magical the parents find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband isn’t a coach and isn’t best friends with a coach or a lobbyist with the coach, your kid isn’t making the all star team. It doesn’t matter how good they are. Truly, stop thinking about it and hope that your child goes on vacation before all the kids start talking about it. The team is predetermined by the appointed coach of the team. He will pick his drinking buddies’ kids. Your child is not going to make it. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. If you don’t have a penis, and a baseball related favor to give their kid in return they’re not picking you. Tell your kid that all star is rigged and it’s not the best players and move on. Seriously. It’s not happening. Your kid can bat .800 and pitch strikeouts only and they’re not making it.

Yup.

Learned this the hard way with my oldest for 10u all stars when I was a naieve parent. My son hit a legit 750 and was the best hitter in the league by a huge margin. Also one of the best fielders and pitchers. He was left off the team for a 2nd grader who's dad is the varsity coach at the local HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your husband isn’t a coach and isn’t best friends with a coach or a lobbyist with the coach, your kid isn’t making the all star team. It doesn’t matter how good they are. Truly, stop thinking about it and hope that your child goes on vacation before all the kids start talking about it. The team is predetermined by the appointed coach of the team. He will pick his drinking buddies’ kids. Your child is not going to make it. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. If you don’t have a penis, and a baseball related favor to give their kid in return they’re not picking you. Tell your kid that all star is rigged and it’s not the best players and move on. Seriously. It’s not happening. Your kid can bat .800 and pitch strikeouts only and they’re not making it.

Yup.

Learned this the hard way with my oldest for 10u all stars when I was a naieve parent. My son hit a legit 750 and was the best hitter in the league by a huge margin. Also one of the best fielders and pitchers. He was left off the team for a 2nd grader who's dad is the varsity coach at the local HS.

+1

One year on all stars, they took 3 kids who could not hit at ALL (truly, not at all- 11 or 12 years old and could not hit a ball to the outfield- on a little league field) and didn’t pitch or anything either. All three predictably batted sub .100 for the all star season and played 100% of the time. Their parents were of course “connected” in various ways (and there are so many ways to be connected)

That being said, it sometimes happens in travel ball as well. My son was on a travel team where the worst player was favored to a ridiculous level. Everyone was confused but of course no one ever said anything about it. The rest of the team was run very well & fairly (mostly merit based)- other than this one particular kid. Turns out the kid’s dad was the head coach’s long time accountant. LOL. But it was just the one kid and everyone liked the team and coach otherwise….

All stars can be fun but most of the time is a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see so many parents in our little league who are the crazy sports parents that get discussed here often. They’re overly invested in their kids’ performance, very up to date on who is getting picked for what, gossiping about the kids and the coaches. It goes on and on.

I do not under any circumstance want to be one of those people. I have one kid who is just average, but my younger kid seems to be the best on his team and people keep bringing up the possibility of him being on the summer all star teams etc. Suddenly I found myself thinking about this a lot, even though objectively I don’t really care. I don’t even like baseball that much! And we have a ton of other things we could do with our time other than sit at baseball fields all summer.

How do I stop myself from falling into the crazy sport parent world before it really starts. Just stop engaging with people? Ignore it when it comes up? Redirect myself when I start thinking about it?

All Stars is 7 days a week of practices and games and travel for the tournament. And it is legitimately fun for the kids who love the game. There is a lot of pomp and circumstance- the kids walk in the Fourth of July parade together and get awards and bling rings. People try to make it special for the kids because it is special. For the nerd parents- they research all of the rules and stats. For the crafty parents- so much swag is made! For the food parents- so much potlucking!

I mention this because I know it seems to be “crazy” to obsess over it but the kids take it so seriously too. When they go back to school- they wear the all stars hats and jerseys to class. (Our league has them customized and everything.). The whole school knows who made the team- it’s very much a thing.

But it’s also ephemeral. And every baseball parent looks back on it fondly. I know you think it’s crazy- but it’s just a magical time of raw emotion for these kids. It’s a huge level of growth too.

I hope you will reconsider it next year if you have the opportunity. Your kid, if they love the sport, might ask and I hope you give it a shot.

From your description, we could live in the same town far from DC. Does your league also put yard signs out to “announce” all- star selections? I’ve had kids make the team and tryout and not make a team. They had fun the years they did it and were upset the years they got cut. Experienced the obvious bias toward connected kids and out of boundary shenanigans for travel players. I didn’t realize all the funny business when my oldest tried out at 11. His 10s year was covid cancelled, so I was just happy to see him play ball again.

But, the politics and posturing and manipulated selection process is insane. It’s got to be twice as bad this year as the town’s two little leagues combined into one. Instead of 5 majors teams in one league and 4 in the other, there are 9 in one league. Half the all-stars from last year are going to be cut this year. I’m glad my kids have aged out of those age groups.

So OP, go for it if you want, but go in eyes wide open. If your son is an absolute stud, he’ll make it. If not, prepare for disappointment.