Need to stop vacationing with parents

[Anonymous]

this will stop naturally as kids get older. kids have more outside commitments and can't make the trip, so it fades away.

[Anonymous]

So stop.

My in-laws became intolerable and my husband and I decided that we couldn't keep spending our time and money being miserable on what was supposed to be a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either say no or try to do advance planning and get a schedule together.

I often vacation with family and I have
Strong opinions about making sure I can do the things I want on our trips. So what I do is send out a text to everyone (including my own family) asking what they want to do and giving a date
For response. Then I compile the list, eliminating the inevitable duplicates.

I then send the out list and ask if there is anything anyone plans to sit out. Once
I get that back I put together a schedule and send that out. If there is too much to do, at least something from everyone’s list will be included. And I make sure that there is at least one suggestion from every person that fits within the entire group’s abilities that gets on the list.

I know this sounds controlling but it isn’t really. It’s my effort to make sure everyone is satisfied and that I make the most out of our vacations. And everyone who travels with us loves this.

This sounds utterly awful. This is why extended families should not vacation together.

So you probably wouldn’t vacation with us. But like I said, my family loves it. Everyone’s desires and opinions are considered and included. If people are going to opt out of things, that’s taken into consideration we plan so that the activity before the opt out ends at the hotel or there are separate transportation arrangements. Most of the planning is in advance so we’re not wasting time and possibly arguing while we’re on vacation. This kind of preplanning has virtually eliminated complaints like OPs and any other travel dissatisfaction for our family- except for unsolicited Parenting advice.

I wouldn’t travel with you either. We don’t plan what we are going to do each day unless it’s something specific that requires tickets (like a popular museum or excursion) but we wouldn’t do those every day.

[Anonymous]

Simply say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either say no or try to do advance planning and get a schedule together.

I often vacation with family and I have
Strong opinions about making sure I can do the things I want on our trips. So what I do is send out a text to everyone (including my own family) asking what they want to do and giving a date
For response. Then I compile the list, eliminating the inevitable duplicates.

I then send the out list and ask if there is anything anyone plans to sit out. Once
I get that back I put together a schedule and send that out. If there is too much to do, at least something from everyone’s list will be included. And I make sure that there is at least one suggestion from every person that fits within the entire group’s abilities that gets on the list.

I know this sounds controlling but it isn’t really. It’s my effort to make sure everyone is satisfied and that I make the most out of our vacations. And everyone who travels with us loves this.

This sounds utterly awful. This is why extended families should not vacation together.

We usually go on vacation with my 80-something parents for a week during the summer - and given our stage of life, it's generally our big trip of the year. For us it works because we're not expected to all do the same thing together all day. We like to get out and about more while my mom - who has significant mobility issues - would rather hang out at the house (we usually rent a house with them). But she doesn't complain when we do our own thing. We do have to compromise on food - but we give and take with that.

Just to say - is it as fun as if we jetted off ourselves somewhere? Of course not. But at this stage of life - and living away from family - I really value this time together, and luckily my spouse understands that.

Is there any part of you that wants to keep doing this trip? If so, can you talk to your parents about what's not working for you and see if there's a way to all get what you need?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either say no or try to do advance planning and get a schedule together.

I often vacation with family and I have
Strong opinions about making sure I can do the things I want on our trips. So what I do is send out a text to everyone (including my own family) asking what they want to do and giving a date
For response. Then I compile the list, eliminating the inevitable duplicates.

I then send the out list and ask if there is anything anyone plans to sit out. Once
I get that back I put together a schedule and send that out. If there is too much to do, at least something from everyone’s list will be included. And I make sure that there is at least one suggestion from every person that fits within the entire group’s abilities that gets on the list.

I know this sounds controlling but it isn’t really. It’s my effort to make sure everyone is satisfied and that I make the most out of our vacations. And everyone who travels with us loves this.

It IS controlling- by way of being “helpful”.

I loathe a group itinerary. Maybe a loose one for meals and potential activities. Definitely not in a schedule. I bet your family lets you do you don’t get too miffed. Thus will blow up one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either say no or try to do advance planning and get a schedule together.

I often vacation with family and I have
Strong opinions about making sure I can do the things I want on our trips. So what I do is send out a text to everyone (including my own family) asking what they want to do and giving a date
For response. Then I compile the list, eliminating the inevitable duplicates.

I then send the out list and ask if there is anything anyone plans to sit out. Once
I get that back I put together a schedule and send that out. If there is too much to do, at least something from everyone’s list will be included. And I make sure that there is at least one suggestion from every person that fits within the entire group’s abilities that gets on the list.

I know this sounds controlling but it isn’t really. It’s my effort to make sure everyone is satisfied and that I make the most out of our vacations. And everyone who travels with us loves this.

It IS controlling- by way of being “helpful”.

I loathe a group itinerary. Maybe a loose one for meals and potential activities. Definitely not in a schedule. I bet your family lets you do you don’t get too miffed. Thus will blow up one day.

(Like my spelling)