Other parent is irresponsible and selfish and it's hurting DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t get any control of the schedule at dad’s house.

Control of the schedule? If the kid needs to go to the doctor, the kid needs to go to the doctor and the parent needs to take them there.

Then dad schedules it and takes him. If mom schedules it, she should take him. If he’s working, he may not be able to take off constantly at her will.

This ^
OP it sounds like you want to create conflict or control your ex's life. That's not healthy.

[Anonymous]

My divorced friend with 60/40 schedules everything on her custody days, no exception. She always invites her ex-DH to attend doc appointments. No activities of any kind on "his" days.

[Anonymous]

Unbelievable how many people are attacking OP or blaming her for this situation. Sometimes specialist appointments are very hard to get and you schedule them when you can. The dad is a grown adult and needs to prioritize his son's doctor appointments over a social life.

OP, I'll only say that if your son is a teen he will soon be old enough to decide where he wants to live. If he doesn't want to miss his tutoring, maybe he should just plan to be with you in those days. There is little a judge can do if your DC wants consistency and parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC's other parent can't get his life together and is selfish and ended up missing several doctor's appointments for DC so he could see his gf. On purpose, without letting me know so we could cancel. He has also told DC tutors were cancelled when they were not because he was too lazy to drive him. DC needs those tutors and wants those tutors.

All the cancellation fees (in the case of the tutors the full fees) are billed to me and we have had at least one doctor refuse to see DC any more due too many cancellations.

I try to really hard to get appointments on my days and mostly succeed but it's sometimes not possible, and the DC needs tutors on specific days that cannot be changed and one of them falls on the days DC is with the other parent.

Has anyone successfully argued getting full custody due to this type of lying and irresponsibility?

I just don't see how a grown person can claim they want custody of their child and act like this.

And you didn’t know this about him when you decided to make a baby with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unbelievable how many people are attacking OP or blaming her for this situation. Sometimes specialist appointments are very hard to get and you schedule them when you can. The dad is a grown adult and needs to prioritize his son's doctor appointments over a social life.

OP, I'll only say that if your son is a teen he will soon be old enough to decide where he wants to live. If he doesn't want to miss his tutoring, maybe he should just plan to be with you in those days. There is little a judge can do if your DC wants consistency and parenting.

At what age can teens decide where they want to live? and if they want to go to other parent’s house or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unbelievable how many people are attacking OP or blaming her for this situation. Sometimes specialist appointments are very hard to get and you schedule them when you can. The dad is a grown adult and needs to prioritize his son's doctor appointments over a social life.

OP, I'll only say that if your son is a teen he will soon be old enough to decide where he wants to live. If he doesn't want to miss his tutoring, maybe he should just plan to be with you in those days. There is little a judge can do if your DC wants consistency and parenting.

At what age can teens decide where they want to live? and if they want to go to other parent’s house or not?

1-google your state and this question

2- i have two gals friends who say their kids miss their dad but who also put every barrier in the way and are completely not helpful to the other parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unbelievable how many people are attacking OP or blaming her for this situation. Sometimes specialist appointments are very hard to get and you schedule them when you can. The dad is a grown adult and needs to prioritize his son's doctor appointments over a social life.

OP, I'll only say that if your son is a teen he will soon be old enough to decide where he wants to live. If he doesn't want to miss his tutoring, maybe he should just plan to be with you in those days. There is little a judge can do if your DC wants consistency and parenting.

At what age can teens decide where they want to live? and if they want to go to other parent’s house or not?

Honestly, in early HS my kids started telling my exDH that they would not come to see him when it conflicted with their schedules. Teens had therapy, tutoring, after school activities and plans with friends. I scheduled as much as I can on my own time, but it's not my job to make them go see him. Ex was always welcome to come and get them and take them to appointments or drive them to activities but never did. Yes, that's how "custody" time is during HS -- you are basically a chauffeur to their lives and get to talk and bond with them while driving. If you don't want to do that as a parent, you miss a lot. Yes, exDH could get mad and file about some kind of custodial violation, but I have the receipts - literally - all the appointments that are made on my own time, all the emails with doctors asking to switch or reschedule appointments that aren't on my time, texts from DC asking for tutoring, and all the payments I made for copays and tutoring without exDH paying half (because they are "extras" and not in our agreement). I really don't think any judge is going to change custody time based on that. Anyway, file a complaint and by the time we get thru the court system, the kid will nearly be 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC's other parent can't get his life together and is selfish and ended up missing several doctor's appointments for DC so he could see his gf. On purpose, without letting me know so we could cancel. He has also told DC tutors were cancelled when they were not because he was too lazy to drive him. DC needs those tutors and wants those tutors.

All the cancellation fees (in the case of the tutors the full fees) are billed to me and we have had at least one doctor refuse to see DC any more due too many cancellations.

I try to really hard to get appointments on my days and mostly succeed but it's sometimes not possible, and the DC needs tutors on specific days that cannot be changed and one of them falls on the days DC is with the other parent.

Has anyone successfully argued getting full custody due to this type of lying and irresponsibility?

I just don't see how a grown person can claim they want custody of their child and act like this.

And you didn’t know this about him when you decided to make a baby with him?

NP. What is the point of this comment -- you didn't know your kid would be a bad dad, so you and your kids should just suffer silently? OFC that's not the appropriate response. I am not OP but I was quite surprised when my now exDH started shunning responsibility for our kids. He was always really into our relationship and was the first to speak of marriage and kids. All his friends and work colleagues would, unsolicited, say what a great guy he was. But, in retrospect, the birth of the first child was too much for him. He could manage alone. He could manage with a wife that was very independent and didn't ask a lot from him. But, when DC1 was born, he couldn't hack it -- there was no one to look after him and he couldn't help anyone else.

And FYI, victims of abuse (and neglect and irresponsibility is a form of abuse) are rarely abused from the initial moment. Abusers are nice and kind and often responsible in the beginning to draw the victim in. Often the abuse only begins when a woman is tied down -- committed to the relationship in some way, engaged, living together, pregnant, etc. The abuse or a neglect comes as a surprise and then is followed by a period of apology and love. This cycle can be very confusing and hard to get out of. I was very fortunate that I had a career, supportive family and very large savings.

OP, you basically have to stop counting on your ex. Don't make appointments on his time. Make them on yours, or make them in such a way that you can take the child and drop the child off after to dad after the necessary medical and tutoring appointments. If it works for you, offer a trade -- DC needs to go to a doctor appointment today after school. I will take him and you can have my next Tuesday evening instead. Consult your lawyer, but if your exDH files then be prepared to come to court with your own receipts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unbelievable how many people are attacking OP or blaming her for this situation. Sometimes specialist appointments are very hard to get and you schedule them when you can. The dad is a grown adult and needs to prioritize his son's doctor appointments over a social life.

OP, I'll only say that if your son is a teen he will soon be old enough to decide where he wants to live. If he doesn't want to miss his tutoring, maybe he should just plan to be with you in those days. There is little a judge can do if your DC wants consistency and parenting.

At what age can teens decide where they want to live? and if they want to go to other parent’s house or not?

Honestly, in early HS my kids started telling my exDH that they would not come to see him when it conflicted with their schedules. Teens had therapy, tutoring, after school activities and plans with friends. I scheduled as much as I can on my own time, but it's not my job to make them go see him. Ex was always welcome to come and get them and take them to appointments or drive them to activities but never did. Yes, that's how "custody" time is during HS -- you are basically a chauffeur to their lives and get to talk and bond with them while driving. If you don't want to do that as a parent, you miss a lot. Yes, exDH could get mad and file about some kind of custodial violation, but I have the receipts - literally - all the appointments that are made on my own time, all the emails with doctors asking to switch or reschedule appointments that aren't on my time, texts from DC asking for tutoring, and all the payments I made for copays and tutoring without exDH paying half (because they are "extras" and not in our agreement). I really don't think any judge is going to change custody time based on that. Anyway, file a complaint and by the time we get thru the court system, the kid will nearly be 18.

You had or allowed your kids to not have a relationship. It sounds like you set up a lot of barriers. Seeing their dad is just as important as tutoring, therapy and activities and more important than friends. You alienated him. You don’t schedule things on his time without talking to him as not everyone has a flexible job. He pays child support. That is his portion of expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unbelievable how many people are attacking OP or blaming her for this situation. Sometimes specialist appointments are very hard to get and you schedule them when you can. The dad is a grown adult and needs to prioritize his son's doctor appointments over a social life.

OP, I'll only say that if your son is a teen he will soon be old enough to decide where he wants to live. If he doesn't want to miss his tutoring, maybe he should just plan to be with you in those days. There is little a judge can do if your DC wants consistency and parenting.

At what age can teens decide where they want to live? and if they want to go to other parent’s house or not?

Honestly, in early HS my kids started telling my exDH that they would not come to see him when it conflicted with their schedules. Teens had therapy, tutoring, after school activities and plans with friends. I scheduled as much as I can on my own time, but it's not my job to make them go see him. Ex was always welcome to come and get them and take them to appointments or drive them to activities but never did. Yes, that's how "custody" time is during HS -- you are basically a chauffeur to their lives and get to talk and bond with them while driving. If you don't want to do that as a parent, you miss a lot. Yes, exDH could get mad and file about some kind of custodial violation, but I have the receipts - literally - all the appointments that are made on my own time, all the emails with doctors asking to switch or reschedule appointments that aren't on my time, texts from DC asking for tutoring, and all the payments I made for copays and tutoring without exDH paying half (because they are "extras" and not in our agreement). I really don't think any judge is going to change custody time based on that. Anyway, file a complaint and by the time we get thru the court system, the kid will nearly be 18.

You had or allowed your kids to not have a relationship. It sounds like you set up a lot of barriers. Seeing their dad is just as important as tutoring, therapy and activities and more important than friends. You alienated him. You don’t schedule things on his time without talking to him as not everyone has a flexible job. He pays child support. That is his portion of expenses.

You realize teens don’t want to spend most of their time with either parent, right? They have friends and activities and other priorities as teens. If either parent is regularly forcing them to miss out on things that are important to them, they’re going to stop wanting a relationship.