Bringing kids to girls’ trips?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few of my friends (all female, around 40 yo) discussed a girl trip to Montreal at lunch today. We previously went on a few road trips together and had fun. This would be a longer trip. One friend said she wanted to bring her 8 year old daughter along.

I would not want to go on that trip. In my mind, we are all moms, and this would be the time to not be in moms roles, to have adult conversations and to not be slowed down by kids. Even with the best behaving child, the dynamics would be off. I think others shared my concern.

What would be a good way to gently suggest to the friend who wants to bring the daughter to come alone (or stay with the daughter). Her husband could stay with the daughter over the long weekend.

Don’t even be gentle about it. You’re taking time off and away from your family for a friends trip. You don’t want to hang out with someone else’s picky eater and have to filter what you say and do on your vacation. Tell your friend to leave her daughter home or don’t come.

[Anonymous]

Send a text to the group: “Hey, before I start booking airfare and hotel, I just want to confirm: this is an adults-only trip, right? I wouldn’t mind doing something else with our kids at a later date, but for this adventure I think we all need a break.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send a text to the group: “Hey, before I start booking airfare and hotel, I just want to confirm: this is an adults-only trip, right? I wouldn’t mind doing something else with our kids at a later date, but for this adventure I think we all need a break.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few of my friends (all female, around 40 yo) discussed a girl trip to Montreal at lunch today. We previously went on a few road trips together and had fun. This would be a longer trip. One friend said she wanted to bring her 8 year old daughter along.

I would not want to go on that trip. In my mind, we are all moms, and this would be the time to not be in moms roles, to have adult conversations and to not be slowed down by kids. Even with the best behaving child, the dynamics would be off. I think others shared my concern.

What would be a good way to gently suggest to the friend who wants to bring the daughter to come alone (or stay with the daughter). Her husband could stay with the daughter over the long weekend.

No. That would really limit the group activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send a text to the group: “Hey, before I start booking airfare and hotel, I just want to confirm: this is an adults-only trip, right? I wouldn’t mind doing something else with our kids at a later date, but for this adventure I think we all need a break.”

No. Do not leave the door open for future travel with kids.

[Anonymous]

Ideally, you would have said something in the moment. It seems passive-aggressive to send a text after the fact when your friend said this at an in-person discussion, where nobody said anything. In any case, you've got some great suggestions on what to say. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send a text to the group: “Hey, before I start booking airfare and hotel, I just want to confirm: this is an adults-only trip, right? I wouldn’t mind doing something else with our kids at a later date, but for this adventure I think we all need a break.”

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

This woman is obviously free to take her DD on a trip to the same place at the same time and stay in the same hotel. So keep that in mind when you clarify the trip, or she’ll just want to pop in on some activities around her DD trip.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, no. This is such a peeve of mine, planning something where everyone is flying solo and one person decides to bring a husband or kid. I'd be clear and say no. People like this lack social awareness.

[Anonymous]

have the organizer send out an email with the ides/itinerary for the MOMs trip to get a headcount.

maybe she will get the message. if not, then be blunt.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t she leave her DD with her husband?

Ngl, driving to Montreal is far and takes up a lot of time. If she’s pressed for time, it might be better to just have everyone fly to meet in Montreal. I can do a 3 night trip to Montreal with friends; I can’t swing a 5-6 day road trip. Having kids under the age of 12 is a major time suck.

[Anonymous]

Organizer should send out a note saying ‘this is the plan, a couple of people have asked about bringing kids but we are keeping it to just adults this time as we will all be wanting to let our hair down, let us know if you’re in’

[Anonymous]

She probably can’t leave the child with her husband for whatever reason. Maybe he has to work. Maybe he had a stroke and she hasn’t shared with you all. Maybe his dad died and he has to help out his mom. Who knows.
Your friend needs to make other plans for her child or sit this one out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A few of my friends (all female, around 40 yo) discussed a girl trip to Montreal at lunch today. We previously went on a few road trips together and had fun. This would be a longer trip. One friend said she wanted to bring her 8 year old daughter along.

I would not want to go on that trip. In my mind, we are all moms, and this would be the time to not be in moms roles, to have adult conversations and to not be slowed down by kids. Even with the best behaving child, the dynamics would be off. I think others shared my concern.

What would be a good way to gently suggest to the friend who wants to bring the daughter to come alone (or stay with the daughter). Her husband could stay with the daughter over the long weekend.

No. That would really limit the group activities.

I have a BFF who always brings her 8yo on our trips. It’s fine — she never really lets loose bc she’s got the kid in tow but he’s mostly chill with to travel with. I he misbehaves or is obnoxious I put my headphones on and let her handle it. My kids are at home; not my business.

But she has three kids and her husband is not the kind who can step up and watch three kids on his own though he can make it work with two (plus his elderly mom’s help). If she couldn’t bring a kid she couldn’t come and I’d rather put up with it than not be able to travel with her at all. It might be like this in your friends family OP. Maybe it’s not safe to leave the child behind for whatever reason? Anyway it doesn’t sound like your situation is exactly comparable and in your plan I’d probably say something. Like I said — my friends 8 yo is chill to the point of being ignorable at times and eats everything. If he was obnoxious things would be different.

[Anonymous]

I feel like if I am hanging out with kids I want them to be mine, or at least not paying the cost of kids around without the benefits of them beign the kids I love the most