Bringing kids to girls’ trips?

[Anonymous]

A few of my friends (all female, around 40 yo) discussed a girl trip to Montreal at lunch today. We previously went on a few road trips together and had fun. This would be a longer trip. One friend said she wanted to bring her 8 year old daughter along.

I would not want to go on that trip. In my mind, we are all moms, and this would be the time to not be in moms roles, to have adult conversations and to not be slowed down by kids. Even with the best behaving child, the dynamics would be off. I think others shared my concern.

What would be a good way to gently suggest to the friend who wants to bring the daughter to come alone (or stay with the daughter). Her husband could stay with the daughter over the long weekend.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you need to be gentle about it. You don't need to be mean either, just be direct. "Sarah, kids aren't invited on this trip. We are planning things and doing things that aren't appropriate for kids and we don't want to have to plan around kids.". The end. Don't try to accommodate. Don't apologize. Don't say "maybe we can plan another trip where we can bring kids".

No, be direct and shut it down.

[Anonymous]

"Sarah, you know I love Sari, but please realize this is an adult trip, and I'm not going to censor myself in any way if there's a child around. We're going to 9pm dinners and dancing afterwards, we're going to talk about sex, say really mean and inappropriate sexual things about celebrities, get a little drunk, etc. If you choose to bring Sari, that's what she's going to see from us."

[Anonymous]

Simply share you thought this was an adult only girls trip.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely wouldn’t go on a girls trip with a kid. We want to go to nice dinners, stay out late at bars, shows and get massages. I have an 8 year old girl and I wouldn’t want to bring her. (And she’s a very girly, easy going person who gushes over my friends).

[Anonymous]

I would say this is an adults trip but you can plan a family-friendly trip in the future. And then do zero work to plan it.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thanks. I guess I was just stunned as in wouldn’t all of the above be obvious?

We are a pretty mellow bunch, but we want to take walks and drink wine and want to sit and listen to live music, and we want to discuss politics and how f’d up some things are etc. and I feel we won’t be able to do that.

One of the friends joked that maybe the friend who suggested it should not bring her daughter because we won’t be making special stops to get chicken nuggets (the daughter in question is a picky eater, and the mom previously shared how she and husband always have to account for daughter’s food preferences when picking a place to eat). Again, that’s not even the point.

Because I am not the organizer who is inviting or not inviting people (we will all be taking equal parts in organizing presumably), I wonder if I should discuss with others if they share this concern (I think this was pretty obvious they do)… or may be I just speak for myself and say I am looking forward to an adult only trip (I am happy to stay home if others prefer smth else - do not want to dictate what people should do…)

[Anonymous]

If you make a gentle suggestion you're going to get "Oh Sari will be fine! I'll just hang with her at night." I'm surprised none of you spoke up. Does this woman typically do things like this? (exert her will)? Just say "this is an adults trip! no kids!" do not apologize.

[Anonymous]

You got a nip this now. My husbands guy group goes on a guys trip once a year. One year, one guy’s wife came because it was a more low-key trip into an area where she had something to do…Now she goes every year and all the guys are not thrilled about it… But at this point, what can they say? The rest of us wives are like WTF. Let them have their time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You got a nip this now. My husbands guy group goes on a guys trip once a year. One year, one guy’s wife came because it was a more low-key trip into an area where she had something to do…Now she goes every year and all the guys are not thrilled about it… But at this point, what can they say? The rest of us wives are like WTF. Let them have their time.

Like. How do people not get it?

[Anonymous]

Just say you prefer it to be moms only. I would not say adults only because some husbands may want to come.

I have an 8yo DD. I have gone on mom and kid trips. I have a group of mom friends and they want mom only trips.

[Anonymous]

The organizer needs to handle it. Just be blunt and say its an adult trip and kids aren't included this time, but perhaps in the future one with kids can be planned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say you prefer it to be moms only. I would not say adults only because some husbands may want to come.

I have an 8yo DD. I have gone on mom and kid trips. I have a group of mom friends and they want mom only trips.

It’s a girls trip, no husbands either!

Reach out to one of the moms you know the best and ask if she agrees it should be adults only. If so, one of you needs to say something. No way would I take a trip with someone else’s kids when I am trying to get a break from my own!

[Anonymous]

It’s funny how some people cannot read the room. I would be blunt. “I thought this was a girls only trip”. And then, just wait for her to react.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how some people cannot read the room. I would be blunt. “I thought this was a girls only trip”. And then, just wait for her to react.

The child is a girl. Different phrasing needed.