Living arrangement during separation, lengthy divorce proceedings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you divide the time during the process? I am reading it takes about a year or more - DH refuses to move out and I am not sure how this should be handled. Do I just move with the kids? He’s abusive so living with him for a year is not possible.

How does this make him more money?
Then you have to move out. Simple as.

Attorney tells me not to.

Well of course, because that makes the attorney more money. Divorce lawyers prey upon women.

How does this make the attorney more money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op has to give second parent
access to the kids though half of the time

she could propose the parenting schedule
Then follow up in writing. Use chat gpt


Call it a parenting schedule which is less frightening to the idea-newbie

keep bickering at a minimum - Again use chat gpt . It can help keep things above board and you out of trouble



Once your head is on straight start an excel sheet thst lists your large assets and their values . handle / do the house (s) calculation LAST
eg Mortage balance minus equity paid

Not hard but do it last
don’t get wrapped around the axel anyone can so this

Why on earth would you use ChatGPT?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you divide the time during the process? I am reading it takes about a year or more - DH refuses to move out and I am not sure how this should be handled. Do I just move with the kids? He’s abusive so living with him for a year is not possible.

Then you have to move out. Simple as.

Attorney tells me not to.

So, his attorney is telling him the same thing or he does not want to. You want the divorce, you move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op has to give second parent
access to the kids though half of the time

she could propose the parenting schedule
Then follow up in writing. Use chat gpt


Call it a parenting schedule which is less frightening to the idea-newbie

keep bickering at a minimum - Again use chat gpt . It can help keep things above board and you out of trouble



Once your head is on straight start an excel sheet thst lists your large assets and their values . handle / do the house (s) calculation LAST
eg Mortage balance minus equity paid

Not hard but do it last
don’t get wrapped around the axel anyone can so this

Why on earth would you use ChatGPT?

You could try it to write emails . Are you “on earth” in the US?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you divide the time during the process? I am reading it takes about a year or more - DH refuses to move out and I am not sure how this should be handled. Do I just move with the kids? He’s abusive so living with him for a year is not possible.

Then you have to move out. Simple as.

Attorney tells me not to.

Well of course, because that makes the attorney more money. Divorce lawyers prey upon women.

Ugh. Wish this wasn’t true. We are super emotional when it comes to children. And mates. Family stuff

I made some bad decisions with those professional services

[Anonymous]

Divorce attorneys are to women
like
Water heater / AC are to house wives

They will give you the upswell and make you feel incompetent or reliant on them. Which is funny bc your ex is doing the same thing.

[Anonymous]

upsell..

this app and it’s auto correct!

[Anonymous]

Everyone criticizing lawyers on here is crazy - especially for a woman in an abusive relationship.

OP, you need to speak to a lawyer. If abuse is part of the equation, make it very clear to your attorney and get advice about how to document abuse, how to make sure kids stay with you, etc.

If you have to stay in the house (if it's safe enough), learn how to grey rock your DH. Have clear timetables.

[Anonymous]

-signed lawyer

[Anonymous]

You can pay 20,000 and start a fight with the man who you have to “live with “ in some fashion for over 18 years!

Lawyers short term thinking. You have to undo all of those fights over years

[Anonymous]

Once you retain a lawyer, they make the other spouse spend money (the spending begins). Lawyers and their correspondence and answering them is VERY expensive. In real life, men do not like spending money. In fact, the more money a man invests in his position (and answering your position) “the more his heels will be dug in” in the outcome he seeks


By controlling the timing of when to engage or not engage a lawyer, you control your spend rate and your spouses spend rate (pssstt… it’s all drawing from the same pot).

Divorced people with kids have different calculations. Unless you earn over 300 K and have over 3 Million assets - You need to think about how you spend and who you p** off

18 years

[Anonymous]

Some of this advice is so ridiculous. First, where is this 18 year nonsense coming from? Do you think I just had a baby and am getting a divorce right away? No - it’s a few more years of parenting and it’s going to be doable. The lawyers aren’t all upselling and dealing with uninformed clients. I am a lawyer myself but family law isn’t my specialty. I can easily read and understand all petitions/filings etc. I came here for practical advice, not legal advice from non-lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Practically, you need to listen to your lawyer’s advice not to move out. If you can’t handle that, ask good questions about what you will be giving up if you move out first and how to mitigate those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You move out and make a 50-50 schedule for custody.

Why would you automatically give 50/50 custody, particularly if that has not been the case prior to now. Doesn’t that set bad precedent going into custody’s negotiations ?

[Anonymous]

I moved out with the kids. He picked them up every other Wednesday and every other weekend. During that time he’d give me the dog.