DH can’t function

[Anonymous]

OP, it is common.

You need to write down the steps for everything. Men have not been taught to think through tasks in steps for most of the daily things except their jobs.

Look at military guys. They are given SOP for everything related to their jobs and life. And they follow that throughout their lives. Same for pilots, same for surgeons, same for coaches etc. Everyone has the some process and routine which they follow.

If the big problem is your DH's ability to get the kids out of the house then you have to train everyone (DH and kids) in what the steps should be in the morning AND you make sure that things get sorted out the night before. Then you supervise and make sure that they are following the steps every day for at least few days.

Men are trainable because they are good in following a script.

Also - if you can nail the first one hour of your morning and have a productive routine - the rest of your day will also be productive.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't take this on.. You've already shared and assisted enough. Anything more with him will seem insulting and as if you're his mother.

Let him figure out he needs help or more time to find all his lost items.
If he broke his phone he should know how to get it replaced or fixed.

[Anonymous]

How is his libido? Low testosterone can show up as ADD type behavior, it’s like brain frog from menopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is his libido? Low testosterone can show up as ADD type behavior, it’s like brain frog from menopause.

OP here—libido is fine. He can always find time for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: 😳 My DH is driving me insane….literally. He managed to lose his phone yesterday at work. He works in an office setting, so I do not see how it is even possible. He also constantly forgets everything, runs back to the house to retrieve his wallet, keys, whatever. When I leave for work on my week in the office, he absolutely can’t get the kids to school on time. He can’t even get himself to work on time. I keep telling him to get his stuff ready the night before and to get up, get ready, and leave house by 5/6am. NOOO!!!!He insist on staying and helping with kids (he does not….just creates chaos. Is he in some sort of mid-life crisis man child cognitive decline? UGHH…..

Sounds like his parents never taught him some basic adult $hit.
Or he cannot learn. That’s the worse. Even a child can leave. But a ManChild cannot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he is hitting he undiagnosed ADD midlife wall.

This.

He was probably barely functioning when it was just himself, then you came along and carried the weight, but now with children two adults are needed not one plus bonus 200# child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned “your week at the office”. With your help, I would make him handle the kids (getting them ready and out the door) with your supervision on the weeks you are in the house. Maybe he needs a checklist.

Hire a nanny or sitter for those weeks.

Dudes like this only get dumber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: 😳 My DH is driving me insane….literally. He managed to lose his phone yesterday at work. He works in an office setting, so I do not see how it is even possible. He also constantly forgets everything, runs back to the house to retrieve his wallet, keys, whatever. When I leave for work on my week in the office, he absolutely can’t get the kids to school on time. He can’t even get himself to work on time. I keep telling him to get his stuff ready the night before and to get up, get ready, and leave house by 5/6am. NOOO!!!!He insist on staying and helping with kids (he does not….just creates chaos. Is he in some sort of mid-life crisis man child cognitive decline? UGHH…..

Get him an appointment with his PCP to figure this out. Also be kind, must be difficult for him as well, not just you. It can be adult ADHD or some other cognitive issue.

Get him on an in network neuropsych test wait list. Pray it’s adhd and not asd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adult ADHD. partially brought on by too much tech usage.
I know a few dads who now take a small dosage of Adderall/Ritalin and it has helped tremendously

What about a ton of coffee and Diet Coke all day? Will that help them focus and pay attention and have executive functioning skills better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all need to cut each other some slack. Modern day life/school/expectations have gotten out of control, especially with the huge usage of text with constant changes/updates from teachers/work/sports, etc.
I have 4 kids and we've had to institute no tech mornings, to make sure we all get out the door on time.

If self discipline ain’t working then some sort of discipline is necessary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it is common.

You need to write down the steps for everything. Men have not been taught to think through tasks in steps for most of the daily things except their jobs.

Look at military guys. They are given SOP for everything related to their jobs and life. And they follow that throughout their lives. Same for pilots, same for surgeons, same for coaches etc. Everyone has the some process and routine which they follow.

If the big problem is your DH's ability to get the kids out of the house then you have to train everyone (DH and kids) in what the steps should be in the morning AND you make sure that things get sorted out the night before. Then you supervise and make sure that they are following the steps every day for at least few days.

Men are trainable because they are good in following a script.

Also - if you can nail the first one hour of your morning and have a productive routine - the rest of your day will also be productive.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is his libido? Low testosterone can show up as ADD type behavior, it’s like brain frog from menopause.

That is really interesting. Really? Not op but maybe that’s DH’s problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do men seem so nonfunctional?

After a few years of being abused by controlling wives who demand men read their minds abuse exactly what they want and exactly how it has to be done, husbands check out mentally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adult ADHD. partially brought on by too much tech usage.
I know a few dads who now take a small dosage of Adderall/Ritalin and it has helped tremendously

What about a ton of coffee and Diet Coke all day? Will that help them focus and pay attention and have executive functioning skills better?

Yep, many of my GenX friends still live on Coke and Mountain Dew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do men seem so nonfunctional?

After a few years of being abused by controlling wives who demand men read their minds abuse exactly what they want and exactly how it has to be done, husbands check out mentally.

Not sure what post you think you are responding to but this be is about a dysfunctional husband who fails to get his kids to school on time or even fed.

No mind reading necessary, just half a brain needed.