Anyone else who never resolved their issues about private school and is just going forward because the timer went off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have really mixed feelings about private school. We can afford it, but I’m worried it’s not the best choice for our kids because I really believe in the importance of public schools and the power of succeeding in an environment where you’re not coddled. I think our neurotypical kid could probably do that. But where we live, switching to non-religious private school in upper elementary is hard. And that’s right when, anecdotally, satisfaction with the local public schools seems to plummet. So I’m also worried about ending up stuck or having to move during a sensitive social moment.

So I didn’t resolve any of those issues and now we’re just plowing ahead with private school. But I have no one to talk to about this irl, because being able to afford private school is obviously a huge privilege and a touchy subject. So is moving to a more expensive neighborhood for access to more uniformly affluent public schools that seem better managed.

It felt like I had so much time to figure this out and then bam, we’ve signed and it’s all in motion.

Anyway I know this is a caviar problem because of the money, but it is still hard.

I don't think this situation needs to be "hard." If in your world it is, spend your time doing more for the good of our community. There are lots of truly "hard" situations out there.

[Anonymous]

I sometimes feel guilty about not sending my kids to public school too. So I know where you're coming from. But from what I've seen our local public school would not be able to challenge my children academically and would be unwilling to support their relatively minor special needs because other kids are struggling way more. So they are at the local Catholic school where the academic expectations are generally higher and the school is more willing to write an accommodation plan for a child who is basically doing fine and not creating huge issues and just needs a few tweaks. But still sometimes I feel like I'm letting down the kids who are like mine but whose parents can't afford private school and don't know that they can sue the public school to write the 504/do the IEP evaluation.

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel better, some of us feel guilty for sending our kids to public school when we didn't have to. For some kids the experience ends up being really terrible. In hindsight, the best path would have been private through K, public through 3rd, private after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes feel guilty about not sending my kids to public school too. So I know where you're coming from. But from what I've seen our local public school would not be able to challenge my children academically and would be unwilling to support their relatively minor special needs because other kids are struggling way more. So they are at the local Catholic school where the academic expectations are generally higher and the school is more willing to write an accommodation plan for a child who is basically doing fine and not creating huge issues and just needs a few tweaks. But still sometimes I feel like I'm letting down the kids who are like mine but whose parents can't afford private school and don't know that they can sue the public school to write the 504/do the IEP evaluation.

You aren't letting those kids down, you are freeing up resources for them. They have the same number of special ed teachers and support specialists at your public school whether your kid is there or not.

[Anonymous]

Unpopular opinion here, probably...but as a former public school teacher - many public schools aren't a good fit for a lot of kids. In many schools, the teachers are overwhelmed by classrooms that are too large, not enough resources, children who need more support than they are getting in the large classroom, behavior challenges, etc.

Many people cannot afford private school and will convince themselves it's the best and the right thing to do. But the reality is that American public schools are failing kids every day.

If you have a great local public and you are cool with things like PTA arguments over whether they should pay to have a nurse full time or headphones for the drama club (this was an actual thing when my kid went to a highly rated public school), they by all means go there. There are several kids who will happily take your child's spot at the private school.

I don't say this to be a jerk, but really at the end of the day you need to just make the right decision for you and your family. Just because the other wealthy family down the street is sending their kid to the private school doesn't mean you have to as well. It isn't inertia - there is too much involved in applying. It was a conscious choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want your cherub to have experiences outside a comfortable school surrounding, have them get a part time job. They will meet with and have to get along with all sorts of people, coworkers and customers. And have their own Starbucks and gas money to boot.

+1

[Anonymous]

Op, it’s sounds like you are at the beginning of this journey. A few points:

1. There is plenty of ability to change schools at older grades. One of my kids applied and got in in 9th- and only one of her friends who applied to private didn’t get into any schools they wanted. There is a lot of stress around getting in and not getting in- but I can’t think of one person I know hasn’t found a place they are happy with within one or two years. Things are more fluid than this board would suggest. (We’re in NW DC, fwiw)

2. The reason to choose or not choose private schools are myriad- and it’s impossible to know what the story is for your kid until they are going through the system. I know kids who have done every combo in different phases of school. Some went private through middle, then moved to public for high school in dc (Jackson reed) and those who went public for elementary, private for middle, public for high… etc. Which is all to say- these choices are not about a parents philosophy. It’s about what is right for your kid at a specific time in their lives.

3. “Coddled” in private isn’t really the reason people choose it. Private schools still expect your kid to self advocate and the bar is set much higher than in public. So while your kid will get more adult eyes on them, they also have more pressure to keep up (in many schools, at least).

4. Related to #3 - the drawbacks may be different than you are anticipating. Sure, kids are forced to deal with a wider and larger population and smaller ratio with teachers, but that’s often not why many people leave. The dissolution of SPED programs and the issues around discipline can create environments in which kids just aren’t getting the teaching they need. But you aren’t going to know what your child’s experience will be until you get there.

I have one in public and one in private and there are differences for sure- but a whole lot more similarities. Both have dedicated, determined teachers. Both have diverse populations (though obviously less economically diverse than private). And both have amazing kids doing amazing things. You don’t need to decide your path based on philosophy- you should base on what your kid needs as they grow and develop. (Well, and your wallet’s health). Your kid will be great wherever they go!

[Anonymous]

We live in an area with solid public elementary but questionable middle and high schools. Since I knew I would want to move DC for middle, we decided to start with private at K. Right as DC started I had a few of those are they missing out on neighborhood friends thoughts. Honestly DC is doing so well and loves friends at the private school that I got over those thoughts pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have really mixed feelings about private school. We can afford it, but I’m worried it’s not the best choice for our kids because I really believe in the importance of public schools and the power of succeeding in an environment where you’re not coddled. I think our neurotypical kid could probably do that. But where we live, switching to non-religious private school in upper elementary is hard. And that’s right when, anecdotally, satisfaction with the local public schools seems to plummet. So I’m also worried about ending up stuck or having to move during a sensitive social moment.

So I didn’t resolve any of those issues and now we’re just plowing ahead with private school. But I have no one to talk to about this irl, because being able to afford private school is obviously a huge privilege and a touchy subject. So is moving to a more expensive neighborhood for access to more uniformly affluent public schools that seem better managed.

It felt like I had so much time to figure this out and then bam, we’ve signed and it’s all in motion.

Anyway I know this is a caviar problem because of the money, but it is still hard.

Coddled? public school you can retake tests forever. You can’t score below a 50. This is the height of being coddled. Private school is brutal and the expectations endless. I have seen kids have one bad test and their semester is finished. I actually think the public school coddling allows for better college placement t when you take away VIP stuff.

[Anonymous]

We are years into private and live in an expensive neighborhood with terrible public schools. I spent 13 years in public schools with parents who worked for public schools. I still struggle with educating my kids outside of public schools and when things go wrong at their private, it’s hard not to consider all the other possibilities.

In a lot of ways it’s easier to be somewhere that doesn’t have great privates so you can just accept the public schools you have and fully invest in them.

[Anonymous]

I think people have to be really honest with themselves when they post these themes. And you see it frequently. If you are wealthy and live in Langley or Whitman (for instance) school districts, how much less coddled do you really think your kids will be? My kids private school has real diversity and bc it’s smaller all the kids interact. No one there is coddled - they are held accountable but supported especially when they advocate for themselves. This is why people send their kids to private schools, so that they can have the support that most smaller schools have the capacity to provide. This is the number one benefit and once you are there you will come to appreciate it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have really mixed feelings about private school. We can afford it, but I’m worried it’s not the best choice for our kids because I really believe in the importance of public schools and the power of succeeding in an environment where you’re not coddled. I think our neurotypical kid could probably do that. But where we live, switching to non-religious private school in upper elementary is hard. And that’s right when, anecdotally, satisfaction with the local public schools seems to plummet. So I’m also worried about ending up stuck or having to move during a sensitive social moment.

So I didn’t resolve any of those issues and now we’re just plowing ahead with private school. But I have no one to talk to about this irl, because being able to afford private school is obviously a huge privilege and a touchy subject. So is moving to a more expensive neighborhood for access to more uniformly affluent public schools that seem better managed.

It felt like I had so much time to figure this out and then bam, we’ve signed and it’s all in motion.

Anyway I know this is a caviar problem because of the money, but it is still hard.

Coddled? public school you can retake tests forever. You can’t score below a 50. This is the height of being coddled. Private school is brutal and the expectations endless. I have seen kids have one bad test and their semester is finished. I actually think the public school coddling allows for better college placement t when you take away VIP stuff.

Agreed. My daughter switched to in independent school from public during high school, and she was far, far more coddled in the public. That's party of the reason we switched.

[Anonymous]

Just switch kids to public and find out what you are missing. It will be eye opening haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unpopular opinion here, probably...but as a former public school teacher - many public schools aren't a good fit for a lot of kids. In many schools, the teachers are overwhelmed by classrooms that are too large, not enough resources, children who need more support than they are getting in the large classroom, behavior challenges, etc.

Many people cannot afford private school and will convince themselves it's the best and the right thing to do. But the reality is that American public schools are failing kids every day.

If you have a great local public and you are cool with things like PTA arguments over whether they should pay to have a nurse full time or headphones for the drama club (this was an actual thing when my kid went to a highly rated public school), they by all means go there. There are several kids who will happily take your child's spot at the private school.

I don't say this to be a jerk, but really at the end of the day you need to just make the right decision for you and your family. Just because the other wealthy family down the street is sending their kid to the private school doesn't mean you have to as well. It isn't inertia - there is too much involved in applying. It was a conscious choice.

At our local public, all of the best teachers are leaving. They are jumping at administrative assistant jobs. And this is a very wealthy area.

We had a similar dilemma as you OP, but we are risk-adverse and have the money and decided to jump in instead of waiting and seeing how it goes.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, it sounds like you made the right choice.