Do you say you have IVF kids?

[Anonymous]

If it is appropriate in the conversation to mention it - I do - if it was not for someone telling me what they went through I might still be here childless - I will always thank my friends honesty and willingness to share what she went through.
I dont tell ppl unless they either ask of if I know they are going through infertility themselves. I am not ashamed one bit of it. In the end it is still a miracle - IVF does not guarantee anyone a baby, it just helps your chances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify again, I haven't even mentioned this to most of my close friends, and my husband hasn't said anything to his immediate family-- originally, primarily because I didn't want people checking in on how things were going.

That said, given what a huge deal IVF can be, keeping the silence has been kinda hard. Conception DOES come up at times, and that's not inherently inappropriate.

So, with close friends and family, I'm wondering if it's appropriate, espsecially given any ossible discrimination my kid could face (NO, I don't think discrimination would be apprproaite, othewise I wouldnt have chosen IVF in the first place)

Why would your child face discrimination? B/c he/she is X years younger than your first? What kind of family/friends do you have that would "discriminate"?

It actually sounds like you're looking for sympathy or want your child to have special treatment b/c of the circumstances surrounding TTC. There are thousands of couples everyday going through the tough IVF process and you don't hear them distinguishing their children as which was IVF.

And you say you don't want to tell immediate family b/c you don't want them checking in, but then go on to say keeping it silent is tough. As for the conception discussion which you mention - that's a little weird why your family needs to know so much so often, but why not just say we decided on IVF or just say "I think we're finally going to have another child" and leave at that??

The way your post reads it just seems like you're really over thinking this and that people really don't over-analyze as much as you think they are.

I'm surprised by your post. I'm not sure if you're mean-spirited or if you just didn't read OP's posts very carefully. I hope it's the latter -- you just don't understand what OP is saying -- because I'd hate to think you were being intentionally mean to a pregnant mom-to-be who is clearly feeling isolated and anxious.

Here's my take on things -- she's not saying she wants sympathy or special treatment for her child. She's saying that this has been a long, difficult and lonely experience for her, in part because has kept it all to herself. She's now wondering whether it's "safe" to tell a few close people in her life so they can understand her and support her through her pregnancy and after her baby is born. And yet she knows that some people are insensitive and even judgmental, so she's cautious.

That seems reasonable and not at all "over thinking" to me.

[Anonymous]

Well said PP. On the one hand, I think DC is a a more progressive place where there's a lot more advanced medical help for fertility than other parts of the country, so people don't see it as such a big deal. Also, in the interest of reducing the stigma, it's good for people in general to understand that infertility is common. But on the other hand, I think the interest in the child's well being trumps both of those considerations. Kids don't understand infertility; parents may say stupid things in front of them and then your DC may pay the consequences for ignorance. I would proceed with caution in telling your circle about your IVF journey b/c you just don't know how it will come to impact your child, especially b/c once the info is out there, you can't take it back.

Congratulations, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Another factor to consider: if your kid turns out to have any challenges or special needs, will people make insensitive comments about the IVF?

[Anonymous]

My son was conceived through IVF a,nd I tell people if it comes up in conversation. I felt very isolated during our infertility struggle, and I felt like it was a dirty secret that isn't really discussed. I'm now happy to tell people about our experience, because I don't think it needs to be a secret. By doing this, I've had several friends/colleagues confide in me about their infertility struggles. I think I can give some hope to people who are struggling and help them feel that they're not alone.

[Anonymous]

14:59 again. The other reason that I tell people is that it stops them in their tracks when they start with the "Why aren't you having another child?" stuff. I say, "Our son is a miracle conceived through IVF, and I couldn't want for more than we have."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:59 again. The other reason that I tell people is that it stops them in their tracks when they start with the "Why aren't you having another child?" stuff. I say, "Our son is a miracle conceived through IVF, and I couldn't want for more than we have."

How is your son a miracle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14:59 again. The other reason that I tell people is that it stops them in their tracks when they start with the "Why aren't you having another child?" stuff. I say, "Our son is a miracle conceived through IVF, and I couldn't want for more than we have."

How is your son a miracle?

Not the poster you are quoting and question but I cant help but to answer:
ANY CHILD IS A MIRACLE!!!!! IVF or not!!!! IVF does not guarantee a pregnancy, so to have an embryo floating in your uterus with hopes that it catches the sperm, then evolves into a child is a miracle by God, not the Dr. Also - to have a healthy pregnancy and then to deliver a healthy baby is all a blessing.
Your question is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

14:59 here. I agree that all kids are miracles, but it was a total miracle that we were able to get pregnant given our issues. By no means am I trying to demean your experience/child.

[Anonymous]

OP- thanks for the helpful responses. I apprecaite how you articulared the issue, 10:06, and thank you for teh defense.
Admittedly I was a bit flummoxed by the others, unfortunately-- thought this might be a useful forum but it's a bit disheartening to put what i thought was a normal, natural, question and be accused (of things that i'm pretty sure are completely untrue-- even when i re-read my posts I'm not sure how things could be interpreted as they were in some cases).

[Anonymous]

personally, I don't have a problem with people knowing. IVF is so common these days that I don't think it's a big deal. Also, I feel somewhat obligated to help increase awareness of fertility issues in older moms, of which I am one. Having said this, I don't think it's necessary to share this information unprompted with everyone, and I recognize that there are some people out their who have religious objections to ART.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:59 again. The other reason that I tell people is that it stops them in their tracks when they start with the "Why aren't you having another child?" stuff. I say, "Our son is a miracle conceived through IVF, and I couldn't want for more than we have."

Or you could just say something like "we are happy with our family the way it is"

Your phrase is bizarre quite frankly for what is causal conversation.

[Anonymous]

"Or you could just say something like "we are happy with our family the way it is"

Why should she say that when it isn't true? The only way to get people to stop making hurtful and thoughtless remarks is to educate them about infertility.

[Anonymous]

"ANY CHILD IS A MIRACLE!!!!! IVF or not!!!! IVF does not guarantee a pregnancy, so to have an embryo floating in your uterus with hopes that it catches the sperm, then evolves into a child is a miracle by God, not the Dr. Also - to have a healthy pregnancy and then to deliver a healthy baby is all a blessing.
Your question is ridiculous. "

Did you take your meds today?

[Anonymous]

OP - I strongly suggest finding another online TTC forum that doesn't have so many trolls. There really are some supportive ones out there.

Someone must have let the trolls out of their cages - they are crapping all over DCUM this AM.