What to do with mean kids at school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a pretty crappy school. She needs to toughed up or learn to fight back.

It’s actually sad because it’s one of the top pyramids. Most of these kids are from pretty rich families. They all have the latest of everything. I assume the parents are well educated in this area. I honestly don’t know why some kids are so mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many middle schoolers don’t like when their peers try to enforce rules.

Your kid needs to figure out the pecking order or figure out how to project toughness. Preferably both.

It sucks but that’s been the reality of American middle schools for decades and it’s only getting worse.

Happy to hear more about projecting toughness in such case. Any advice on what to say or behave? But tbh I don’t quite agree with the pecking order thing.

According to my dd (just realized I typed ds above), this girl is one of the group of “popular” kids at school. Very stereotypical group that is loud, not listening, and ONLY cares about fashion, social media and attractiveness to the other gender. I’m not going to tell my dd that she and her group is at a lower level in the “hierarchy” at school. That’s ridiculous!!

So you acknowledge she’s popular. Your daughter needs to figure it out for herself, like I said.

I do acknowledge it. However, not the type of popularity I want my child to have anyway. The popularity here is defined by visibility and attention, dominance in social circles, skewed by current school values and trends, and caused by immaturity. I’m not sure there is anything I want my child to figure it out for herself here. It’s a fact, doesn’t mean it’s right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many middle schoolers don’t like when their peers try to enforce rules.

Your kid needs to figure out the pecking order or figure out how to project toughness. Preferably both.

It sucks but that’s been the reality of American middle schools for decades and it’s only getting worse.

Happy to hear more about projecting toughness in such case. Any advice on what to say or behave? But tbh I don’t quite agree with the pecking order thing.

According to my dd (just realized I typed ds above), this girl is one of the group of “popular” kids at school. Very stereotypical group that is loud, not listening, and ONLY cares about fashion, social media and attractiveness to the other gender. I’m not going to tell my dd that she and her group is at a lower level in the “hierarchy” at school. That’s ridiculous!!

So you acknowledge she’s popular. Your daughter needs to figure it out for herself, like I said.

I do acknowledge it. However, not the type of popularity I want my child to have anyway. The popularity here is defined by visibility and attention, dominance in social circles, skewed by current school values and trends, and caused by immaturity. I’m not sure there is anything I want my child to figure it out for herself here. It’s a fact, doesn’t mean it’s right.

It would serve her well to figure out exists and how it works, even if she chooses to participate in genuine friendships with nice people.

These types of people are not going away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a pretty crappy school. She needs to toughed up or learn to fight back.

It’s actually sad because it’s one of the top pyramids. Most of these kids are from pretty rich families. They all have the latest of everything. I assume the parents are well educated in this area. I honestly don’t know why some kids are so mean.

You think money makes people nice?

Did you not go to middle school in the US?

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a teacher issue. She knows the kid sits in the other kids' seat, and has taken no action. She is basically allowing bullying and forcing your DD to handle this situation on her own, although it is the teacher who has assigned the seats. Teacher needs to fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a teacher issue. She knows the kid sits in the other kids' seat, and has taken no action. She is basically allowing bullying and forcing your DD to handle this situation on her own, although it is the teacher who has assigned the seats. Teacher needs to fix it.

And OP should prepare her kid for the strong possibility that the teacher won’t.

[Anonymous]

If this is a regular issue your DD should ask the teacher what to do when the girl is sitting in her seat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a pretty crappy school. She needs to toughed up or learn to fight back.

It’s actually sad because it’s one of the top pyramids. Most of these kids are from pretty rich families. They all have the latest of everything. I assume the parents are well educated in this area. I honestly don’t know why some kids are so mean.

You think money makes people nice?

Did you not go to middle school in the US?

What I meant is that families with more than adequate resources and highly educated parents, theoretically, the kids have more chances to receive guidance on appropriate behaviors. Obviously, the observations made from our school say it’s not true. And it surprises me and makes me wonder why.

[Anonymous]

At that age, kids are not going to respond well to being corrected by another kid. Especially a kid lower on the social totem pole.

It is what it is.

Your DD should just sit in a different seat.

If she wants to, she can ask the teacher privately at another time (or email the teacher) to ask the teacher to handle this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that age, kids are not going to respond well to being corrected by another kid. Especially a kid lower on the social totem pole.

It is what it is.

Your DD should just sit in a different seat.

If she wants to, she can ask the teacher privately at another time (or email the teacher) to ask the teacher to handle this issue.

Why are you keep suggesting a hierarchy here? Are you on a lower social totem pole when you interact with richer people, people with more social influence, people who yell louder? Do you let them do whatever they want to you? Do you give your rights away because what they are on a higher social totem pole? I’ll never instill that kind of mindset to my kids! She doesn’t swap seats if she is not willing to! Let alone these are just rude kids she is dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that age, kids are not going to respond well to being corrected by another kid. Especially a kid lower on the social totem pole.

It is what it is.

Your DD should just sit in a different seat.

If she wants to, she can ask the teacher privately at another time (or email the teacher) to ask the teacher to handle this issue.

Why are you keep suggesting a hierarchy here? Are you on a lower social totem pole when you interact with richer people, people with more social influence, people who yell louder? Do you let them do whatever they want to you? Do you give your rights away because what they are on a higher social totem pole? I’ll never instill that kind of mindset to my kids! She doesn’t swap seats if she is not willing to! Let alone these are just rude kids she is dealing with.

+1. Ms Hierarchy is way wrong.

[Anonymous]

Teach your kid to realize that when someone is mean to you, it often has nothing to do with you at all. So there’s no reason to feel mad, or bad, or scared. That girl was in the wrong seat, so she needs to move. If she doesn’t, your DD should let the teacher know that the reason she’s not seated is because someone else is in her seat.

[Anonymous]

She needs to immediately tell the teacher. The teacher will end this nonsense with Ms. High Horse. Who cares if the Big Mouth girl doesn’t like DD? Your DD won’t be inviting her to her next birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to Middle School. I am horrified how many times the kids use curse words nowadays. There are many mean kids, too. I am glad that your DD only faced mean words and not something physical like a shove, smack, or elbow. I agree with your shock but these attitude kids aren’t going anywhere. Your daughter needs to self-advocate and tell the teacher about the girl refusing to give up her rightfully assigned chair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that age, kids are not going to respond well to being corrected by another kid. Especially a kid lower on the social totem pole.

It is what it is.

Your DD should just sit in a different seat.

If she wants to, she can ask the teacher privately at another time (or email the teacher) to ask the teacher to handle this issue.

Why are you keep suggesting a hierarchy here? Are you on a lower social totem pole when you interact with richer people, people with more social influence, people who yell louder? Do you let them do whatever they want to you? Do you give your rights away because what they are on a higher social totem pole? I’ll never instill that kind of mindset to my kids! She doesn’t swap seats if she is not willing to! Let alone these are just rude kids she is dealing with.

+1. Ms Hierarchy is way wrong.

There are at least two of us posting about this. It exists in MS. I thought this was obvious. The seat violator is emboldened by popularity and is not held in check by OP’s kid or the teacher.

If the teacher is useless, OP’s kid needs to find a way to gain confidence.