Had it with my mother’s rude texts

[Anonymous]

Respond with a random emoji. Texts don’t convey the tone. She seems like she doesn’t understand the texts like that come across rude. Find a way to get it across. Random emojis might prompt a conversation about texting etiquette.

[Anonymous]

Is she like this face to face or over the phone?

Not sure how old your mom (big difference between 60 and 80+ obviously) is but:

A lot of older people still do not really understand text etiquette IME. They either write in full paragraphs or go in the opposite direction (as your mom is sort of doing) and don’t add niceties or punctuation. Often they are only texting much younger people (still using voice calls for their own peers and older family members).

Just a thought. Sometimes my very elderly great aunt texts in a similar manner.

[Anonymous]

I would just tell her that requests will be considered but orders will be ignored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she like this face to face or over the phone?

Not sure how old your mom (big difference between 60 and 80+ obviously) is but:

A lot of older people still do not really understand text etiquette IME. They either write in full paragraphs or go in the opposite direction (as your mom is sort of doing) and don’t add niceties or punctuation. Often they are only texting much younger people (still using voice calls for their own peers and older family members).

Just a thought. Sometimes my very elderly great aunt texts in a similar manner.

No. I don't know anyone in real life, old or young, who has a rude persona JUST for texting. Usually if they behave like this in texts, they're peremptory in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell her that requests will be considered but orders will be ignored.

This is good.

[Anonymous]

My 82 year old mom discovered WhatsApp. She forwards whatever she wants to in a our family group (including my brothers, SILs, my DH, kids, nephews and nieces, nephew in law...)

And her replies are entirely in emojis. There is not even one emoji that she does not like. She uses them all. Several lines of emoji.

[Anonymous]

When my kids were little, I told them to do things, as opposed to asking. "Go put on pjs and brush your teeth." Rather than "Do you want to go pick out your pjs and brush teeth?" No. I am the adult and it was my place to tell them what to do. I had to make a very conscious effort around senior year of college to change the way I spoke to them. I didn't switch to asking but instead of "Empty the kitchen trash now," it became "I'm starting dinner at 6pm and want the kitchen trash emptied before then, so you can get it done any time in the next two hours." And then when they were living elsewhere and visiting, I further switched to asking. "Would you please empty the kitchen trash as soon as you finish that?" I had to really think about it. Maybe your mom never made that switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Texts are meant to be brief and to the point. Most of those wouldn't bother me from a family member.

+1 agree. But seems we are in the minority. Who knew? Maybe I’ll start using the word please in my texts more to my family members. I honestly thought it seemed like an unnecessary thing.

[Anonymous]

I don’t find these rude? Direct, but not rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she like this face to face or over the phone?

Not sure how old your mom (big difference between 60 and 80+ obviously) is but:

A lot of older people still do not really understand text etiquette IME. They either write in full paragraphs or go in the opposite direction (as your mom is sort of doing) and don’t add niceties or punctuation. Often they are only texting much younger people (still using voice calls for their own peers and older family members).

Just a thought. Sometimes my very elderly great aunt texts in a similar manner.

Wondering the same thing.

[Anonymous]

OP’s mom has likely been rude and bossy her entire life. Texting is just a (new) way to carry that out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kids were little, I told them to do things, as opposed to asking. "Go put on pjs and brush your teeth." Rather than "Do you want to go pick out your pjs and brush teeth?" No. I am the adult and it was my place to tell them what to do. I had to make a very conscious effort around senior year of college to change the way I spoke to them. I didn't switch to asking but instead of "Empty the kitchen trash now," it became "I'm starting dinner at 6pm and want the kitchen trash emptied before then, so you can get it done any time in the next two hours." And then when they were living elsewhere and visiting, I further switched to asking. "Would you please empty the kitchen trash as soon as you finish that?" I had to really think about it. Maybe your mom never made that switch.

Wow. I switched that when they were about 10. They know these aren’t really requests, but it is much more pleasant for everyone if they are phrased as such.

I can’t imagine ordering a senior in college to empty the trash. They have been a grown adult for 4 years!

Some of you are very rude. Do you order your spouses as well? My DH has the sense not to command me, thank goodness for him!

[Anonymous]

This is just how older people text. As briefly as possible. Dating back to the days they could barely figure out typing on a phone. All of these are identical to texts I’ve received from my mother and it has never seemed rude to me. So, there’s some other reason you’re bothered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Texts are meant to be brief and to the point. Most of those wouldn't bother me from a family member.

+1 agree. But seems we are in the minority. Who knew? Maybe I’ll start using the word please in my texts more to my family members. I honestly thought it seemed like an unnecessary thing.

They are your family. Don’t your want to be nicer to them than strictly necessary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Texts are meant to be brief and to the point. Most of those wouldn't bother me from a family member.

+1 agree. But seems we are in the minority. Who knew? Maybe I’ll start using the word please in my texts more to my family members. I honestly thought it seemed like an unnecessary thing.

They are your family. Don’t your want to be nicer to them than strictly necessary?

dp but my family would never ask me to write longer and wordier texts. They don’t have time to read them and I don’t have time to write them. If we want to chit chat, we call or face time. Does OP want a nice long phone call instead every time something like this comes up?