WWYD: dad doesn’t want to take meds, I have no opinion but all communication goes through me

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Unless your life is extraordinarily burdened, OP, this is part of being a decent child to your parent. Why can't you be the go-between? You're lucky he's so healthy and his needs are not complicated.
[/quote]

Oh i don’t mind being the between when it’s real need. I refuse to explain to the dr that he doesn’t want to take prescribed meds because he thinks he doesn’t need them. Moreover I am not sure he needs them, but it’s his job to make that decision and find the arguments. He can do as he pleases for all I care.
He has eye problems and he can feel it and I have no problem with him taking his eye medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have high cholesterol where I was prescribed 5 mg of rosuvastatin. So the lowest dose they make. I then took half a pill a day so 2.5 mg and that lowered my cholesterol into normal range. I switched to one pill every second day as no need to cut them in half.

So zero side effects and normal cholesterol levels. I don't see any problem with letting him try a small dose and see how it goes.

Thank you! He says his pills don’t have that line that lets them to be cut in half, I’ll have to go in and see if I can cut them.

Did you inform the Dr that you only took half the dose?

He is prescribed 10 mg of atorvastatin (?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to take them, because he already does all the “lifestyle changes” fixes.

I don’t see what the big deal is about going with him. What else are you going to talk about with him?

The problem is that he doesn’t want to take the meds. How am I supposed to explain all this? And why would he even go? The appt was to check how he responds to the meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your plan is good. He needs to figure this stuff out on his own. You aren't his babysitter.

I see it as either he listens to me or he can make his own decisions but take responsibility

[Anonymous]

OP here, I think I didn’t explain it well. I take care of all his real needs - bring groceries, take him to appointments, etc.
Him being weird is where Indraw the line. Suppose he wanted to go to Walmart 100 miles away to get special mangoes. I wouldn’t take him. This is how I see his refusal to take meds. The dr said take them and come back in a month for lab work. I am happy to do that. But not take him there for nothing, for having to explain the he doesn’t think he needs meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's on the path to a future cardiac surgery with high cholesterol and high blood pressure. Diet and exercise won't change much.

I mean he is 79, I think it’s his choice. I would take the meds if I were him but he will have health problems anyway in a few years, one type or another

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Unless your life is extraordinarily burdened, OP, this is part of being a decent child to your parent. Why can't you be the go-between? You're lucky he's so healthy and his needs are not complicated.
[/quote]

Oh i don’t mind being the between when it’s real need. I refuse to explain to the dr that he doesn’t want to take prescribed meds because he thinks he doesn’t need them. Moreover I am not sure he needs them, but it’s his job to make that decision and find the arguments. He can do as he pleases for all I care.
He has eye problems and he can feel it and I have no problem with him taking his eye medication. [/quote]

Just translate and write the questions in the portal or call. They're reasonable questions and your dad lacks the skill. You don't need to justify or explain his pov or take ownership of his decision. He's an adult just with poor eyesight and English. You could also call the office and see if they offer a translator for patients who need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I think I didn’t explain it well. I take care of all his real needs - bring groceries, take him to appointments, etc.
Him being weird is where Indraw the line. Suppose he wanted to go to Walmart 100 miles away to get special mangoes. I wouldn’t take him. This is how I see his refusal to take meds. The dr said take them and come back in a month for lab work. I am happy to do that. But not take him there for nothing, for having to explain the he doesn’t think he needs meds.

It's not weird IMO to ask if he can split the dose. It should have been asked when it was prescribed, but oh well. This can be asked via portal or phone.

[Anonymous]

In this country you can’t force elderly people to take medication. If you are in a nursing home or assisted living and you don’t want to take medication you can’t be forced.

OP you are doing enough. Unless you plan on arguing with your father every day about medication he won’t take it isn’t worth the effort. He will just start lying to you.

[Anonymous]

And what happens to your responsibilities when he has a stroke? Isn’t it better to help before some health catastrophe? If he’s willing to take half a pill, figure out how to do that - hardly equivalent to driving 2 hrs for mangoes.

[Anonymous]

OP I am sorry you are receiving such rude responses. Is there money to throw at this? If so, I would see if you can hire a nurse or aide or even case manager (based on budget) who speaks his language and go to appointments with him. A nurse might be best equipped to advocate for him and explain the need. I found that taking myself out of the equation made things move much smoother. My mother will listen to the nurse and the nurse is trained to work with stubborn elderly.

You are right. We cannot force anyone to take medication when cognitively capable of making their own decisions.

Also, what people don't understand is when we engage in this back and forth and push and plead and try every method to "help" we can enable them to stay stuck. Sometimes the dysfunction is reinforcing because they get attention and can be controlling. That's where an outsider can make more of a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to grow a pair and be a better daughter.

NP. Nope. He needs to be a better man.

[Anonymous]

He’s 79 and did not get his questions answered the first time, it is perfectly reasonable to go back and try again. OP, why do you refuse to translate his questions? It is normal to have questions about how useful the meds are, whether he can try half, etc. The doctor will explain and you should also then ask your dad if he has other questions or concerns etc. most people want to understand what they are taking and what side effects might be, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to grow a pair and be a better daughter.

NP. Nope. He needs to be a better man.

He’s 79 and doesn’t speak the language, FFS.

[Anonymous]

I get you, OP. Most of those replying probably don't have to deal with difficult elderly parents. You only have so much time in your life and your father is asking you to waste it because he wants to be difficult.
Most doctors also won't understand and expect you to be able to "make" your father do the right thing.

I learned to say over and over again, in regards to my mother, "She has full agency of her decisions. She doesn't want, I cannot, and I will not be drawn into the decisions she makes for herself ." It is like pleading the 5th in court. I've had to repeat it three or four times in some appointments. (Of course then my mother later says I must not really care about her if I didn't push her to follow doctor's orders. --sigh)

Agree with utilizing the portal. If you have a release to discuss with them, I send a message. "He doesn't want to take the full dose. He only wants to take half a dose. Should he do that or not take any?" If he can take a half a dose and is able to cut the pills himself he can do that. If he can't then he can take it every other day.