Kids babysitter - am I wrong for being uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

Find someone new. Grooming or worse is a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Sleepovers? At HER parents? Are you nuts??

Talk to your daughters, either together or separately. Maybe it's time to scale back or phase out.

[Anonymous]

No way. Totally inappropriate to take kids to anyone sleaze house. This is how abuse happens. I took enough trainings to see this as a huge warning sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers just for fun at her house, not when we’re traveling. She’ll take my kids to her parents house sometimes when she’s babysitting.

You said yourself this lady is like family for 5 years and now you betray her?! Just take care of your bratty kids yourself, you don’t deserve such a caring and loving woman!

:roll:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are older. It's a good time to end this. They should be doing activies and being with kids their own age. They don't need an babysitter just for them.

An eight year old and ten year old don't need a babysitter? Seriously?

You can't even legally leave them alone in many places.

After school activities. Plus OP is SAHM

[Anonymous]

Weird, no, hire someone else or care for your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers just for fun at her house, not when we’re traveling. She’ll take my kids to her parents house sometimes when she’s babysitting.

You said yourself this lady is like family for 5 years and now you betray her?! Just take care of your bratty kids yourself, you don’t deserve such a caring and loving woman!

This mean defensive response tells us a lot about you. You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s not respecting the boundaries that you clearly expressed about certain things like the dog off leash. Have you clearly expressed a boundary about not wanting her to take the children to her parents house? If so, that would be a dealbreaker for me.
I assume you have control over the sleepovers or not? And I would simply say no to those given your daughter’s hesitation generally.

And, you know your daughter, but if she’s uncomfortable, and it’s something about the vibe of the caregiver, it could be that she feels the babysitter “babies” her too much. Or it could be other interpersonal things that make her uncomfortable. I’m not gonna say let her go only because of what your daughter said, but I would definitely heed it and give it some thought.

I’m not sure how much you’ve 100% set boundaries and it’s up to you as to how you want to handle that.

But if you’re needing some validation, if this isn’t OK, I 1000% give you that validation!!

I get the household disruption and I’ve been there And it’s tough. But you really have to trust your instincts about how to best care for your children and your family.

OP here. It's definitely interpersonal things. physical boundaries have not been crossed, which I never had a gut feeling that they had. She's mentioned that she's told the daughter that she doesn't like they school they go to, and made a big deal when my 10 year old got her first period and it made her uncomfortable.

The sitter treats her other babysitting families the same way and her nieces and nephews and she's one of those people who really loved children and her daughter is an adult now. She was always a single mom and has also been a foster parent here and there. She's always spoiled our kids and asked to come to sporting events, school plays, etc but I probably wouldn't have invited otherwise. Just now starting to feel like its a lot and maybe my kids need space

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s not respecting the boundaries that you clearly expressed about certain things like the dog off leash. Have you clearly expressed a boundary about not wanting her to take the children to her parents house? If so, that would be a dealbreaker for me.
I assume you have control over the sleepovers or not? And I would simply say no to those given your daughter’s hesitation generally.

And, you know your daughter, but if she’s uncomfortable, and it’s something about the vibe of the caregiver, it could be that she feels the babysitter “babies” her too much. Or it could be other interpersonal things that make her uncomfortable. I’m not gonna say let her go only because of what your daughter said, but I would definitely heed it and give it some thought.

I’m not sure how much you’ve 100% set boundaries and it’s up to you as to how you want to handle that.

But if you’re needing some validation, if this isn’t OK, I 1000% give you that validation!!

I get the household disruption and I’ve been there And it’s tough. But you really have to trust your instincts about how to best care for your children and your family.

OP here. It's definitely interpersonal things. physical boundaries have not been crossed, which I never had a gut feeling that they had. She's mentioned that she's told the daughter that she doesn't like they school they go to, and made a big deal when my 10 year old got her first period and it made her uncomfortable.

The sitter treats her other babysitting families the same way and her nieces and nephews and she's one of those people who really loved children and her daughter is an adult now. She was always a single mom and has also been a foster parent here and there. She's always spoiled our kids and asked to come to sporting events, school plays, etc but I probably wouldn't have invited otherwise. Just now starting to feel like its a lot and maybe my kids need space

She sounds like an amazing sitter and you’re lucky to have her!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your values don't align...so time to find someone new.

[Anonymous]

This is way too much and incredibly weird. I’m a SAHM with similar aged kids and do not understand why you need so much regular babysitting. An occasional date night is all we use a sitter for. I cannot fathom letting my kids spend the night at another adult’s house without us unless DH and I went out of town, and even then we have a grandparents come. This woman is getting way too close for comfort, and your own daughter and friends have told you. Cut it waaay back and set limits. Dog on leash, all the time, no exceptions. Kids at your house only. No other random adults around and no taking them to her parents place, that sounds super creepy!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s not respecting the boundaries that you clearly expressed about certain things like the dog off leash. Have you clearly expressed a boundary about not wanting her to take the children to her parents house? If so, that would be a dealbreaker for me.
I assume you have control over the sleepovers or not? And I would simply say no to those given your daughter’s hesitation generally.

And, you know your daughter, but if she’s uncomfortable, and it’s something about the vibe of the caregiver, it could be that she feels the babysitter “babies” her too much. Or it could be other interpersonal things that make her uncomfortable. I’m not gonna say let her go only because of what your daughter said, but I would definitely heed it and give it some thought.

I’m not sure how much you’ve 100% set boundaries and it’s up to you as to how you want to handle that.

But if you’re needing some validation, if this isn’t OK, I 1000% give you that validation!!

I get the household disruption and I’ve been there And it’s tough. But you really have to trust your instincts about how to best care for your children and your family.

OP here. It's definitely interpersonal things. physical boundaries have not been crossed, which I never had a gut feeling that they had. She's mentioned that she's told the daughter that she doesn't like they school they go to, and made a big deal when my 10 year old got her first period and it made her uncomfortable.

The sitter treats her other babysitting families the same way and her nieces and nephews and she's one of those people who really loved children and her daughter is an adult now. She was always a single mom and has also been a foster parent here and there. She's always spoiled our kids and asked to come to sporting events, school plays, etc but I probably wouldn't have invited otherwise. Just now starting to feel like its a lot and maybe my kids need space

She sounds like an amazing sitter and you’re lucky to have her!

Not OP but I had a sitter who sounds very similar. In some ways, yes, it’s amazing to have a sitter who loves your kids and treats them like family. But it can be VERY difficult as well. I ultimately had to step away from the relationship with our sitter and am much happier with strictly transactional occasional sitters.

[Anonymous]

I’m assuming OPs kids need driving at time which is why those of us with older kids still use sitters.
If you ask her to babysit with plenty of notice I think she should be at your house.
If you ask her for last minute and she was already going to her family’s but says she can take the kids if you like, then that’s up to you.
I feel like you need to have set boundaries regarding this a while ago.

[Anonymous]

Taking your kids to another location without your permission should not be allowed. If this occurred 1 time, you should have shut it down. 2nd time, she should have been fired. Please tell us why you have allowed this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is way too much and incredibly weird. I’m a SAHM with similar aged kids and do not understand why you need so much regular babysitting. An occasional date night is all we use a sitter for. I cannot fathom letting my kids spend the night at another adult’s house without us unless DH and I went out of town, and even then we have a grandparents come. This woman is getting way too close for comfort, and your own daughter and friends have told you. Cut it waaay back and set limits. Dog on leash, all the time, no exceptions. Kids at your house only. No other random adults around and no taking them to her parents place, that sounds super creepy!!

This- stop leaving your kids, and you should never be leaving them overnight. That's ridiculous.