Kids babysitter - am I wrong for being uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

We’ve had the same babysitter now going on 5 ish years. I’m a SAHM, my kids are 8 and 10, and we use her or her daughter maybe 2-3x a week plus she watches our dog when we travel. She is an older, evangelical Christian conservative woman.

She’s practically been part of the family for 5 years and while our lives would not function without her, there have been a few things that have raised flags with me. For one, our dog never goes off leash and she claims she’s trained him to be in the yard, but I found out from my neighbor that he escaped and she found him in her yard. When I confronted her, she was really awkward about it. She also brings my kids to her parents house without my permission and while I’m not as overprotective as some of my friends, my friends say this is not appropriate. She’s also constantly insisting on bringing my kids places with her, having sleepovers, family events, ect and they have gone before some but they’re also busy kids who have other things going on so not something that’s happened before.

While she’s very reliable and loves our kids, and also has many other kids she cares for, our tween daughter has expressed that she doesn’t like it when she comes anymore and wishes she wouldn’t. Not sure if she’s getting older and wants more freedom, or if there are emotional boundaries being overstepped but my friends are saying she’s acting inappropriately. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

She's bringing them to her parents house? And sleepovers? And without permission? What? No. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve had the same babysitter now going on 5 ish years. I’m a SAHM, my kids are 8 and 10, and we use her or her daughter maybe 2-3x a week plus she watches our dog when we travel. She is an older, evangelical Christian conservative woman.

She’s practically been part of the family for 5 years and while our lives would not function without her, there have been a few things that have raised flags with me. For one, our dog never goes off leash and she claims she’s trained him to be in the yard, but I found out from my neighbor that he escaped and she found him in her yard. When I confronted her, she was really awkward about it. She also brings my kids to her parents house without my permission and while I’m not as overprotective as some of my friends, my friends say this is not appropriate. She’s also constantly insisting on bringing my kids places with her, having sleepovers, family events, ect and they have gone before some but they’re also busy kids who have other things going on so not something that’s happened before.

While she’s very reliable and loves our kids, and also has many other kids she cares for, our tween daughter has expressed that she doesn’t like it when she comes anymore and wishes she wouldn’t. Not sure if she’s getting older and wants more freedom, or if there are emotional boundaries being overstepped but my friends are saying she’s acting inappropriately. Thoughts?

The dog one is easy. Just say no, the dog stays on a leash period.

The other stuff is a bit confusing the way you wrote it. Having sleepovers where and with whom? What do you mean by family events? It's fine if they go to your sitter's family wedding or whatever, but surely that is discussed in advance. Or a July 4th BBQ or whatever.

Did you ask your daughter why she doesn't like it? That matters.

[Anonymous]

Sleepovers just for fun at her house, not when we’re traveling. She’ll take my kids to her parents house sometimes when she’s babysitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers just for fun at her house, not when we’re traveling. She’ll take my kids to her parents house sometimes when she’s babysitting.

You said yourself this lady is like family for 5 years and now you betray her?! Just take care of your bratty kids yourself, you don’t deserve such a caring and loving woman!

[Anonymous]

Listen to your kid!!!!!!!! Time to end this.

[Anonymous]

First, how is her age or faith relevant?

I have a hard time following your post but none of it matters.

Your dog stays on the leash at all times. No exceptions.

Your kids can only be watched and sleep at your house and she can only take them out to approved locations and with your prior permission.

Your 10 year old may not need a sitter for just a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are older. It's a good time to end this. They should be doing activies and being with kids their own age. They don't need an babysitter just for them.

[Anonymous]

She’s not respecting the boundaries that you clearly expressed about certain things like the dog off leash. Have you clearly expressed a boundary about not wanting her to take the children to her parents house? If so, that would be a dealbreaker for me.
I assume you have control over the sleepovers or not? And I would simply say no to those given your daughter’s hesitation generally.

And, you know your daughter, but if she’s uncomfortable, and it’s something about the vibe of the caregiver, it could be that she feels the babysitter “babies” her too much. Or it could be other interpersonal things that make her uncomfortable. I’m not gonna say let her go only because of what your daughter said, but I would definitely heed it and give it some thought.

I’m not sure how much you’ve 100% set boundaries and it’s up to you as to how you want to handle that.

But if you’re needing some validation, if this isn’t OK, I 1000% give you that validation!!

I get the household disruption and I’ve been there And it’s tough. But you really have to trust your instincts about how to best care for your children and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleepovers just for fun at her house, not when we’re traveling. She’ll take my kids to her parents house sometimes when she’s babysitting.

You said yourself this lady is like family for 5 years and now you betray her?! Just take care of your bratty kids yourself, you don’t deserve such a caring and loving woman!

It's a job.

Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Is she paid, and is her pay competitive? If this is more like a family friend helping you for free or nominal cash then it's more understandable that she brings them along to wherever she was going.

[Anonymous]

How much do you pay her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are older. It's a good time to end this. They should be doing activies and being with kids their own age. They don't need an babysitter just for them.

An eight year old and ten year old don't need a babysitter? Seriously?

You can't even legally leave them alone in many places.

[Anonymous]

Listen to your gut instinct and to your kids. Time to find someone new who obeys professional boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are older. It's a good time to end this. They should be doing activies and being with kids their own age. They don't need an babysitter just for them.

An eight year old and ten year old don't need a babysitter? Seriously?

You can't even legally leave them alone in many places.

Of course it is child dependent but an 8 year old can be left alone in Maryland. A 10 year old certainly can. OP is talking about babysitting, so we are talking a few hours. (Never overnights or long stretches of time)