What do you think is the best age to become parents?

[Anonymous]

According to the responses on this thread, it should have been sometime while I was having wildly meaningless (but fun!) one night stands while recovering from an emotionally devastating breakup of a long term relationship. Instead, I waited, met my husband at 32 and had our first at 38.

[Anonymous]

I had mine at 30 and 35. I wish I had pushed it back a few years and had just one. I think one kid around 35-38 is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 30 and 35. I wish I had pushed it back a few years and had just one. I think one kid around 35-38 is perfect.

PP. Want to add - this is because I know a few women who focused on their careers, make a ton of money, and then had a single child around 38-42. They’re the happiest moms I know - financially secure, zero stress, able to focus on their child 100%, etc.

The young parents I know are usually pretty miserable. Money is very tight, they end up having more kids than they can reasonable care for, very stressed out overall. Worst cases I’ve seen are when they start very young and around 24 hereditary mental illness develops in one of the parents. Absolute nightmare. I know one couple who were picture perfect, the husband had a good job, very loving traditional family with 2 kids, beautiful home, and at 24 he developed bipolar disorder. Within a year he had sexually harassed coworkers, gotten fired without telling his wife, ran up $30k in credit card debt, began beating his wife and kids.

So I’m very against getting married or having children before 25 or so, just so you can make sure nobody has any genetic mental illness that can’t really be treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 30 and 35. I wish I had pushed it back a few years and had just one. I think one kid around 35-38 is perfect.

PP. Want to add - this is because I know a few women who focused on their careers, make a ton of money, and then had a single child around 38-42. They’re the happiest moms I know - financially secure, zero stress, able to focus on their child 100%, etc.

The young parents I know are usually pretty miserable. Money is very tight, they end up having more kids than they can reasonable care for, very stressed out overall. Worst cases I’ve seen are when they start very young and around 24 hereditary mental illness develops in one of the parents. Absolute nightmare. I know one couple who were picture perfect, the husband had a good job, very loving traditional family with 2 kids, beautiful home, and at 24 he developed bipolar disorder. Within a year he had sexually harassed coworkers, gotten fired without telling his wife, ran up $30k in credit card debt, began beating his wife and kids.

So I’m very against getting married or having children before 25 or so, just so you can make sure nobody has any genetic mental illness that can’t really be treated.

I know adults who are the onlies and they have a lot of pressure to care for elderly parents. Also lots of guilt over holidays.

I personally think having siblings is better for the child for multiple reasons.

Having an only older in age is probably best from a work life balance perspective for a working mom.

[Anonymous]

Whenever you have money to be able to afford childcare/SAHP, a decent life style, some outsourcing of chores, and be able to put aside money for retirement and college every month - on one paycheck.

Homeownership not required.

[Anonymous]

I think early to mid 30's is ideal for starting a family. You will have your career and investments off the ground and you will have had your youthful wilding behind you.

People in their 50-60's are younger now. Being a first time grandparent is best delayed anyway. You need time to have some fun as an empty nester before the grandkids come in.

[Anonymous]

First child at 30 was fine. Second kid at 36 was fine, but I lost my energy at 46.
The child is low maintenance, but I do wish they were in high school already.

[Anonymous]

It will be different for everyone. When one is emotionally and financially ready. When they have an education, a job, a good partner. That's ideal but you know, life

[Anonymous]

It really is more about money and maturity. When you have enough of both, you are ready to have kid. Being too young and too poor to enjoy your kids is what you want to avoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really is more about money and maturity. When you have enough of both, you are ready to have kid. Being too young and too poor to enjoy your kids is what you want to avoid.

Op here. I had a great time in my twenties. I went to grad school, started my career in nyc, traveled and partied a lot, etc. I’m now in my late forties and losing energy and kids are still relatively young.

The friends and acquaintances I know who had kids younger did not have the same life I did in my twenties. They seem more energetic and living life as empty nesters or almost empty nesters in their forties.

[Anonymous]

Late 20s, early 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 30 and 35. I wish I had pushed it back a few years and had just one. I think one kid around 35-38 is perfect.

I had my only at 38, and it's great. But I get many unsolicited comments about how I had a kid too late or how I should have more kids. Meanwhile, I'm just here quietly living my excellent life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whenever you have money to be able to afford childcare/SAHP, a decent life style, some outsourcing of chores, and be able to put aside money for retirement and college every month - on one paycheck.

Homeownership not required.

That's either going to be never or very late for a LOT of people. The "on one income" being the killer.

[Anonymous]

Age 22 and 25 like my mom did. She and my dad were empty nesters by their mid-40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had mine at 30 and 35. I wish I had pushed it back a few years and had just one. I think one kid around 35-38 is perfect.

PP. Want to add - this is because I know a few women who focused on their careers, make a ton of money, and then had a single child around 38-42. They’re the happiest moms I know - financially secure, zero stress, able to focus on their child 100%, etc.

The young parents I know are usually pretty miserable. Money is very tight, they end up having more kids than they can reasonable care for, very stressed out overall. Worst cases I’ve seen are when they start very young and around 24 hereditary mental illness develops in one of the parents. Absolute nightmare. I know one couple who were picture perfect, the husband had a good job, very loving traditional family with 2 kids, beautiful home, and at 24 he developed bipolar disorder. Within a year he had sexually harassed coworkers, gotten fired without telling his wife, ran up $30k in credit card debt, began beating his wife and kids.

So I’m very against getting married or having children before 25 or so, just so you can make sure nobody has any genetic mental illness that can’t really be treated.

The “focus on the child 100%” isn’t always great - that’s how you get New York lonely boys. I married one and…..wow, his mom is a lot. It’s not always going to be true, but at least my mom has to spread her crazy (and her needs) over four people so she SEEMS only 1/4 as crazy and needy.