how to talk to young kids about admissions

[Anonymous]

I think this is fake, because I’ve applied with my four year old and she has no idea that there’s even an option involved. She just thinks everyone visits different kindergartens to learn about kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is fake, because I’ve applied with my four year old and she has no idea that there’s even an option involved. She just thinks everyone visits different kindergartens to learn about kindergarten.

I assume everything here is real, but I can't imagine telling a 4 year old about the selection process. We were careful to make it seem one-sided and like we were choosing which one would be best for DC. When option A didn't work out, we said that we decided that option C was better because of [compelling thing that DC loved] and [thing that option A didn't obviously have]. And then we never talking about options A and B again and made it clear that C was going to be so fun.

For maybe 2nd grade-4th grade, it's fair to let them know that it's a two-way street, but you have to be careful to equally hype all of the options and make them feel that anywhere they land will be great, albeit for slightly different reasons for each option. Once you get to middle school, you can discuss the decisions as ones of fit.

I would use the word rejection or even talk about first choices until HS and college, and even then it's important to depersonalize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would simplify even more: "We are visiting schools. You will go to one of these schools next fall for kindergarten!"

There is honestly no reason to get into selective admissions with a 4 yo. Or talk about the choosing. The choosing is for adults. The rest is just stoking anxiety in kids.

I would simplify even more.

“Larla, here’s a lollipop!”

[Anonymous]

^wouldn't use the word rejection. Eek.

[Anonymous]

We told child that they had two jobs in those playdates: to be kind and to have fun (just like they did every day at preschool). Child did not really even know that they were being evaluated -- as previous posters noted, the kids forget their preferred playtime quite quickly if you don't dwell on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My four year old has his heart set one particular school. How are you all explaining to little kids that they might not get accepted?

I just told him it’s great he likes x school, and that we have to wait to see if the school has any room for him to join. Then I reminded him how lucky we are to have so many great choices so close to us, etc.

He has no sense of what the school assessments were about or anything— props to the folks administering them for making it all seem like a fun game.

Tbh, I’m probably more sensitive about this than he is (feels so awk to ask people to judge your kid, especially so young?) but I’d welcome any advice on helping kids keep an open mind and not feel bad if their preferred option doesn’t have space for them.

I feel like you've done all you can do regarding your child.

And try not to stress - my oldest didn't get into the school I thought was best for him - but it turns out the school he was accepted to was a much better match. I was so glad in the long run that it worked out that way.

Same happened for college - sad they didn't get their first choice - but as things have played out - maybe that wasn't such a bad thing afterall.

Funny enough - they did get into their top choice HS - and it wasn't such a great experience (but they would choose it again). Go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say, we'll see. And then you distract. And (assuming that's where he will go) you don't bring the school up again until August.

I think you mean March - when student/family visits start for accepted families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't let our 4 yr old get set on any school. We didn't talk about it in front of him. We only applied him to one and told him he got to have a playdate at a big kid school on a weekend with other kids who also wanted to do the same. He got in.

I think it’s a lot different when you’re only applying to one school. We’ve had a school visit every month since September and counting. That being said, DC is having fun and doesn’t know it’s a two-way process

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My four year old has his heart set one particular school. How are you all explaining to little kids that they might not get accepted?

I just told him it’s great he likes x school, and that we have to wait to see if the school has any room for him to join. Then I reminded him how lucky we are to have so many great choices so close to us, etc.

He has no sense of what the school assessments were about or anything— props to the folks administering them for making it all seem like a fun game.

Tbh, I’m probably more sensitive about this than he is (feels so awk to ask people to judge your kid, especially so young?) but I’d welcome any advice on helping kids keep an open mind and not feel bad if their preferred option doesn’t have space for them.

OP, there is no way your 4 YO has his heart set on one school. This is 100% you projecting. Just stop it.

And by the way, people are judging your kid all the time. They're judging you too, if you haven't noticed.

Tbh, it was probably the treats he got at his visit and he will be over it soon if another school offers something sweet.

And I know ppl are judging him, but usually the outcome of their judging doesn’t impact our plans.

Thanks for the reality checks— yes, there’s a huge chunk of his life between decision day and starting and whatever the decision is we will have plenty of time to hype him up for kinder.

We haven’t told him anything about admissions etc, just tried to dodge a bit when he asks where he will go next. We will talk up all the big, already made, plans for summer camp and travel and use that to brush aside any of his q’s about school.

I’m hoping we like wherever we land, because I’d really like to not navigate this process again until college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My four year old has his heart set one particular school. How are you all explaining to little kids that they might not get accepted?

I just told him it’s great he likes x school, and that we have to wait to see if the school has any room for him to join. Then I reminded him how lucky we are to have so many great choices so close to us, etc.

He has no sense of what the school assessments were about or anything— props to the folks administering them for making it all seem like a fun game.

Tbh, I’m probably more sensitive about this than he is (feels so awk to ask people to judge your kid, especially so young?) but I’d welcome any advice on helping kids keep an open mind and not feel bad if their preferred option doesn’t have space for them.

OP, there is no way your 4 YO has his heart set on one school. This is 100% you projecting. Just stop it.

And by the way, people are judging your kid all the time. They're judging you too, if you haven't noticed.

Tbh, it was probably the treats he got at his visit and he will be over it soon if another school offers something sweet.

And I know ppl are judging him, but usually the outcome of their judging doesn’t impact our plans.

Thanks for the reality checks— yes, there’s a huge chunk of his life between decision day and starting and whatever the decision is we will have plenty of time to hype him up for kinder.

We haven’t told him anything about admissions etc, just tried to dodge a bit when he asks where he will go next. We will talk up all the big, already made, plans for summer camp and travel and use that to brush aside any of his q’s about school.

I’m hoping we like wherever we land, because I’d really like to not navigate this process again until college.

Exactly. After going through the process, I’m more of a fan of the K-12s we applied to than the K-3 and K-8. I never want to do this again lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say, we'll see. And then you distract. And (assuming that's where he will go) you don't bring the school up again until August.

I think you mean March - when student/family visits start for accepted families.

In K, the accepted family events are just for parents. Although there might be a social event in May for kids who are starting on the spring.

[Anonymous]

My then three year old was clueless during the playdate phase. I kept it to “we’re playing at another school this morning.” We sent him to summer camp at the school we’d selected and then let him know in august that he’d continue there for the school year. All the stress and anxiety we kept to ourselves!

[Anonymous]

My Kinder had his heart set on one school (they got a little present at their playdate and a cool playground) and he asked about it when we told him he'd be going to X school. We just said there wasn't space in the school he wanted (not a lie since he was WL), but agreed it would have been a fun, cool school and moved on. And that was that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frame the rejection. Make them look at it every morning. Fuel the hatred and resentment.

LOL, you win DCUM post of the day!

[Anonymous]

Not sure why everyone says the process is so bad. You go to a couple of adult only admissions events where you basically just listen politely. You take your kid to two events, totally out of your control how they act for the most part. And you get in where you get in. And if you don’t get in, there’s always great publics around and you save a whole bunch of money!