how to talk to young kids about admissions

[Anonymous]

My four year old has his heart set one particular school. How are you all explaining to little kids that they might not get accepted?

I just told him it’s great he likes x school, and that we have to wait to see if the school has any room for him to join. Then I reminded him how lucky we are to have so many great choices so close to us, etc.

He has no sense of what the school assessments were about or anything— props to the folks administering them for making it all seem like a fun game.

Tbh, I’m probably more sensitive about this than he is (feels so awk to ask people to judge your kid, especially so young?) but I’d welcome any advice on helping kids keep an open mind and not feel bad if their preferred option doesn’t have space for them.

[Anonymous]

4 years old? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Same boat with Kinder DC who loves two of the six schools we applied to. I keep saying “we have to wait and see” and that all schools are great.

The good thing is at this age they’ll get over it quickly whatever the outcome, even if it ends up being the local public.

[Anonymous]

Stop talking to your kid about it so much. This is so weird for a 4 year old. Fall is many months away you don't even have to tell your kid the outcome for another 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Stop talking to the 4 year old about it. They're feeding off of you, why do they even know to hope to get into one over the other? When March comes around and you goto accepted student events, then you can let them know where they'll be going. If there's one school your 4 year old didn't like, that's information for you when you decide which school to accept. They're too young to be a part of this discussion.

[Anonymous]

I said to my 5 year old:
"We are visiting these schools to learn about them. Later we will learn which schools will have openings for new kids next year and then we will pick the best one for you among them."

[Anonymous]

I would simplify even more: "We are visiting schools. You will go to one of these schools next fall for kindergarten!"

There is honestly no reason to get into selective admissions with a 4 yo. Or talk about the choosing. The choosing is for adults. The rest is just stoking anxiety in kids.

[Anonymous]

You say, we'll see. And then you distract. And (assuming that's where he will go) you don't bring the school up again until August.

[Anonymous]

Not OP but we didn’t get into the details of the selections process; we just course-corrected when DC said they can’t wait to go back to X school.

I think a kid having “anxiety” over the decision is a stretch. In my case, they’re more excited about the idea of the next grade, wherever it may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say, we'll see. And then you distract. And (assuming that's where he will go) you don't bring the school up again until August.

August??? Some schools (like Beauvoir, etc) send acceptance packages around decision time in March. If you’re accepting a school, I don’t see the harm in sharing after a decision is made/deposit paid

[Anonymous]

We didn't let our 4 yr old get set on any school. We didn't talk about it in front of him. We only applied him to one and told him he got to have a playdate at a big kid school on a weekend with other kids who also wanted to do the same. He got in.

[Anonymous]

My four year old doesn't really know what's going on. On the playdate, I just told him he had to behave or else he would be in big trouble. (He did behave.) I think you are overthinking this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My four year old has his heart set one particular school. How are you all explaining to little kids that they might not get accepted?

I just told him it’s great he likes x school, and that we have to wait to see if the school has any room for him to join. Then I reminded him how lucky we are to have so many great choices so close to us, etc.

He has no sense of what the school assessments were about or anything— props to the folks administering them for making it all seem like a fun game.

Tbh, I’m probably more sensitive about this than he is (feels so awk to ask people to judge your kid, especially so young?) but I’d welcome any advice on helping kids keep an open mind and not feel bad if their preferred option doesn’t have space for them.

OP, there is no way your 4 YO has his heart set on one school. This is 100% you projecting. Just stop it.

And by the way, people are judging your kid all the time. They're judging you too, if you haven't noticed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say, we'll see. And then you distract. And (assuming that's where he will go) you don't bring the school up again until August.

August??? Some schools (like Beauvoir, etc) send acceptance packages around decision time in March. If you’re accepting a school, I don’t see the harm in sharing after a decision is made/deposit paid

March to September is something like a fifth of the kid’s conscious life to this point. You can mention it, but you really truly do not have to tell them so far in advance. For many kids it’s just going to be meaninglessly far in the future, after more school, camp, different camp, vacation, etc. etc.

[Anonymous]

Frame the rejection. Make them look at it every morning. Fuel the hatred and resentment.