What is the line between innocent/fun flirtation and inappropriate?

[Anonymous]

A friend’s husband and I have near identical jobs in a niche industry. We are both so excited to talk about how crazy it is and we do talk for nearly the entire time (we’re both just waiting around at the event we have to be at). We’re both very happily married (at least I am. He seems happy). My friend seemed distant so I’ve been making a point of ignoring the guy. Loved hearing about his work though! My own husband wouldn’t care at all- he’s not a jealous type and I’d never cheat.

The whole thing has made me realize you just can’t have opposite sex friends. Kind of sad, but I think that’s the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend’s husband and I have near identical jobs in a niche industry. We are both so excited to talk about how crazy it is and we do talk for nearly the entire time (we’re both just waiting around at the event we have to be at). We’re both very happily married (at least I am. He seems happy). My friend seemed distant so I’ve been making a point of ignoring the guy. Loved hearing about his work though! My own husband wouldn’t care at all- he’s not a jealous type and I’d never cheat.

The whole thing has made me realize you just can’t have opposite sex friends. Kind of sad, but I think that’s the line.

I agree with this. As someone who found out the person I’m with really crossed the line with a female “friend” I feel like it’s better not to have opposite sex friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend’s husband and I have near identical jobs in a niche industry. We are both so excited to talk about how crazy it is and we do talk for nearly the entire time (we’re both just waiting around at the event we have to be at). We’re both very happily married (at least I am. He seems happy). My friend seemed distant so I’ve been making a point of ignoring the guy. Loved hearing about his work though! My own husband wouldn’t care at all- he’s not a jealous type and I’d never cheat.

The whole thing has made me realize you just can’t have opposite sex friends. Kind of sad, but I think that’s the line.

Are you the OP? Because I'm a bit confused. Your title says flirting, but then you say you were just talking industry. So which s ut? Did your friend accuse you of flirting with her husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend’s husband and I have near identical jobs in a niche industry. We are both so excited to talk about how crazy it is and we do talk for nearly the entire time (we’re both just waiting around at the event we have to be at). We’re both very happily married (at least I am. He seems happy). My friend seemed distant so I’ve been making a point of ignoring the guy. Loved hearing about his work though! My own husband wouldn’t care at all- he’s not a jealous type and I’d never cheat.

The whole thing has made me realize you just can’t have opposite sex friends. Kind of sad, but I think that’s the line.

I agree with this. As someone who found out the person I’m with really crossed the line with a female “friend” I feel like it’s better not to have opposite sex friends.

This seems unrealistic especially for those with kids (especially if younger and still often attending birthday parties , play dates etc. where parents mingle ).

I do think it often comes down to physically touching someone the way you wouldn’t touch a friend of the same sex. Pat on the back or shoulder - probably Ok. Arm around someone, long hug or rubbing their back or leg - probably not Ok. Tongue kissing or touching private parts - definitely not Ok. I’d also find holding hands to be pretty violating.

Would also say inviting opposite sex friends out for one on one meet ups that might resemble dates don’t seem advisable. Even if meant to be harmless, risk of being seen by others , and of crossing lines above if drinks are involved.

[Anonymous]

I'm a straight man. I don't date women who think their partners shouldn't have opposite sex (female) friends. I have no problem with my partner having opposite sex (male) friends.

I don't think I flirt with my female friends. If there's any doubt, I being up my partner. If a female friend seems to veer into flirtation, I also bring up my partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend’s husband and I have near identical jobs in a niche industry. We are both so excited to talk about how crazy it is and we do talk for nearly the entire time (we’re both just waiting around at the event we have to be at). We’re both very happily married (at least I am. He seems happy). My friend seemed distant so I’ve been making a point of ignoring the guy. Loved hearing about his work though! My own husband wouldn’t care at all- he’s not a jealous type and I’d never cheat.

The whole thing has made me realize you just can’t have opposite sex friends. Kind of sad, but I think that’s the line.

I agree with this. As someone who found out the person I’m with really crossed the line with a female “friend” I feel like it’s better not to have opposite sex friends.

This seems unrealistic especially for those with kids (especially if younger and still often attending birthday parties , play dates etc. where parents mingle ).

I do think it often comes down to physically touching someone the way you wouldn’t touch a friend of the same sex. Pat on the back or shoulder - probably Ok. Arm around someone, long hug or rubbing their back or leg - probably not Ok. Tongue kissing or touching private parts - definitely not Ok. I’d also find holding hands to be pretty violating.

Would also say inviting opposite sex friends out for one on one meet ups that might resemble dates don’t seem advisable. Even if meant to be harmless, risk of being seen by others , and of crossing lines above if drinks are involved.

I definitely think it's not realistic to think I wouldn't be friends with opposite sex parents I meet through my kid. There's not much cause for us to touch (I know a couple that are huggers but that's it). We talk/text about life stuff that isn't remotely sexy and we bring up our spouses often. It isn't close to a line, at least as my spouse sees it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend’s husband and I have near identical jobs in a niche industry. We are both so excited to talk about how crazy it is and we do talk for nearly the entire time (we’re both just waiting around at the event we have to be at). We’re both very happily married (at least I am. He seems happy). My friend seemed distant so I’ve been making a point of ignoring the guy. Loved hearing about his work though! My own husband wouldn’t care at all- he’s not a jealous type and I’d never cheat.

The whole thing has made me realize you just can’t have opposite sex friends. Kind of sad, but I think that’s the line.

That’s only the line because your friend can’t unclench.

[Anonymous]

I don’t typically text 1-1 with male friends, except using work tools at work with coworker friends. I don’t know why this boundary developed for me and my husband but it seems to work. Group texts are fine. Once in awhile there is reason to text a male friend but it’s not a habit.

Innocent flirting: a guy at work I hadn’t met before told me I look young enough to be his daughter on a zoom call after I mentioned my age. I giggled with delight. I would do so in front of my husband, and he would probably roll his eyes. I consider this flirting and fun.

[Anonymous]

If you are asking, you’ve crossed the line.

[Anonymous]

A major red flag is if you’re criticizing your spouse or partner in front of the other person. Shouldn’t be talking about problems in your marriage with a friend of the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

Not OP, but dealing with a situation that has caused tension in my household.
What about a woman standing close to a man, being friendly with her hand on his chest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you do it in front of your spouse? If texting or emails, how would you feel if your spouse saw what you sent?

Also, are you giving your best to your spouse or the other person? Who do you dress up for more? Who do you go to for advice or comfort?

This.

If your spouse knew and didn't care then it's innocent. Like sometimes I flirt with gay men or old men for fun, but nothing will ever come of it. I'd never do that in the office though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but dealing with a situation that has caused tension in my household.
What about a woman standing close to a man, being friendly with her hand on his chest?

Yeah, that's over my line unless it's his MIL or kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t typically text 1-1 with male friends, except using work tools at work with coworker friends. I don’t know why this boundary developed for me and my husband but it seems to work. Group texts are fine. Once in awhile there is reason to text a male friend but it’s not a habit.

Innocent flirting: a guy at work I hadn’t met before told me I look young enough to be his daughter on a zoom call after I mentioned my age. I giggled with delight. I would do so in front of my husband, and he would probably roll his eyes. I consider this flirting and fun.

Same. I have similar boundaries. I do text male colleagues about non work stuff, like local races or stupid pictures of sports, but nothing my spouse can't see without laughing too. Actually, sometimes I tell/show him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend’s husband and I have near identical jobs in a niche industry. We are both so excited to talk about how crazy it is and we do talk for nearly the entire time (we’re both just waiting around at the event we have to be at). We’re both very happily married (at least I am. He seems happy). My friend seemed distant so I’ve been making a point of ignoring the guy. Loved hearing about his work though! My own husband wouldn’t care at all- he’s not a jealous type and I’d never cheat.

The whole thing has made me realize you just can’t have opposite sex friends. Kind of sad, but I think that’s the line.

Well, you can have opposite sex friends if you are very careful to be transparent with the spouses. And be honest about everything.