If you restrict social media for your teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social media is toxic. Taking that addiction with you to college doesn't change that fact.

So what are you going to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is toxic. Taking that addiction with you to college doesn't change that fact.

So what are you going to do?

Same approach as teen alcohol use, drug/marijuana abuse, etc.:

- you are not using with my consent while you are living in my house.

If teens want to get blackout-drunk, go to orgies, or smoke themselves out of college on weed, it’s true: I can’t stop it (hopefully I’ve raised them better than that).

But I sure as hell am not going to supply my kid with unlimited vodka & weed throughout their high school years in the misplaced hope they somehow “learn moderation.”

I meant what I said about the toxicity of social media, and yes - the harm can be as bad or worse than drugs & alcohol.

Just ask all the moms of dead teen girls who committed suicide while suffering Instagram addictions (yeah, Insta contributes to teen suicide; Google it).

YMMV.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, my DD is a freshman and reports all the girls at her school whose parents don’t allow social media have Snapchat at the least. Some also have Instagram and/or Tic Tok. They set them up on friends devices and just don’t log in on their own phones. They can check Snapchat at school a few different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, my DD is a freshman and reports all the girls at her school whose parents don’t allow social media have Snapchat at the least. Some also have Instagram and/or Tic Tok. They set them up on friends devices and just don’t log in on their own phones. They can check Snapchat at school a few different ways.

I’m the PP who restricts until 16, and honestly, if they’re willing to go to those lengths, whatever. Have at it. I’ll turn a blind eye to a bit of rebellion as long as it’s not in their pocket 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is toxic. Taking that addiction with you to college doesn't change that fact.

So what are you going to do?

Same approach as teen alcohol use, drug/marijuana abuse, etc.:

- you are not using with my consent while you are living in my house.

If teens want to get blackout-drunk, go to orgies, or smoke themselves out of college on weed, it’s true: I can’t stop it (hopefully I’ve raised them better than that).

But I sure as hell am not going to supply my kid with unlimited vodka & weed throughout their high school years in the misplaced hope they somehow “learn moderation.”

I meant what I said about the toxicity of social media, and yes - the harm can be as bad or worse than drugs & alcohol.

Just ask all the moms of dead teen girls who committed suicide while suffering Instagram addictions (yeah, Insta contributes to teen suicide; Google it).

YMMV.

I think you're missing the point. The goal is not to adversarially obstruct access as much as possible, delaying the inevitable. The goal is to raise an adult who is willing and able to make good decisions about what to use, how, and how much.

[Anonymous]

My kid just isn't interested. It's convenient and I know I'm lucky on this point. I have other worries.
(And no, it's not hidden. It's not forbidden, it's just not an issue. This kid is a nonstop gossip and would have no reason or ability to hide it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know times have changed a little, but I have 2 college students and by the time they reached high school, I did not restrict social media except to have time/room limits to their phones (plug phones in downstairs before bed).

They are both well adjusted college students that do not abuse their phones.

But there was a several month phase where one of my kids really went crazy on fortnight - playing way too much but he ended up self regulating and now is much more controlled. My strategy is let them learn to self-regulate but I get that is different from what others like and are comfortable doing.

my kid is just 13 so I’m not sure how this will pan out, but he also seems to be able to self-regulate video games pretty well. I’m not sure he’ll be the same about social media or just internet surfing in general - we are both big information seekers.

[Anonymous]

We didn't allow our teens to put SnapChat, TikTok, Instagram on their phones. They did watch plenty of stupid videos on youtube over the years, but everyone in our immediate family restricted themselves to less than 2 hours of phone use per day. When they went off to college, they got Instagram accounts because one or two of their clubs communicate that way, but they do not use social media much at all. They are both boys, so I think that makes it easier. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you plan to do when they leave for college?

This doesn’t seem like a genuine question. Teen years start at 13. As someone who has btdt, there is a big difference between 13, 16, and 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is toxic. Taking that addiction with you to college doesn't change that fact.

So what are you going to do?

Same approach as teen alcohol use, drug/marijuana abuse, etc.:

- you are not using with my consent while you are living in my house.

If teens want to get blackout-drunk, go to orgies, or smoke themselves out of college on weed, it’s true: I can’t stop it (hopefully I’ve raised them better than that).

But I sure as hell am not going to supply my kid with unlimited vodka & weed throughout their high school years in the misplaced hope they somehow “learn moderation.”

I meant what I said about the toxicity of social media, and yes - the harm can be as bad or worse than drugs & alcohol.

Just ask all the moms of dead teen girls who committed suicide while suffering Instagram addictions (yeah, Insta contributes to teen suicide; Google it).

YMMV.

I think you're missing the point. The goal is not to adversarially obstruct access as much as possible, delaying the inevitable. The goal is to raise an adult who is willing and able to make good decisions about what to use, how, and how much.

NP - I don't see PP's approach as being adversarial or obstructive for no reason. Plenty of parents supply their teens with alcohol out of some mistaken belief that it will help them learn to drink moderately or similar nonsense. Similarly, plenty of parents let their too-young kids have unlimited access to social media thinking they will "advise them" on it when in reality, almost no advising occurs.

But really, I agree with another poster that this question can't be serious. My oldest is 13, so, of course we restrict her social media use (she has none, at least not on her phone). That has almost nothing to do with the approach we'll take when she goes to college, presumably at age 18.

[Anonymous]

I don't.

The only time I had a concern was during the Covid lockdown, when then 10 year old DD went on Discord and got into an insult match with an unknown boy. I had not anticipated this and was glad she told me about it so I could explain the dangers of social media in general, and cyberbullying, predator grooming and identify theft online in particular, especially on Discord.

She's now 14. My oldest is 19. They've never had issues online, and mostly watch Youtube videos and chat with known friends on Discord. They're not on TikTok, Snapchat and Insta, for some reason. I mean, other than TikTok is preternaturally stupid, more so than the others, and they recognize that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know times have changed a little, but I have 2 college students and by the time they reached high school, I did not restrict social media except to have time/room limits to their phones (plug phones in downstairs before bed).

They are both well adjusted college students that do not abuse their phones.

But there was a several month phase where one of my kids really went crazy on fortnight - playing way too much but he ended up self regulating and now is much more controlled. My strategy is let them learn to self-regulate but I get that is different from what others like and are comfortable doing.

Wait - you just gave them tiktok, insta, etc throughout high school ??

OMG

[Anonymous]

It is hilarious that parents don’t know that YouTube has the same content as TikTok, just delayed by a few weeks or months. You are a fool if you think you’ve dodged a bullet because your child “only” watches YouTube 😂

[Anonymous]

PP, yes, Tiktok compilations are on Youtube. But Tiktok's algorithm is particularly perceptive in what hooks you & people tend to spend more time on TikTok as a result. Plus, TikTok can get darker and darker to keep you clicking:
https://www.wsj.com/articles/tiktok-algorithm-sex-drugs-minors-11631052944
Youtube also has a history of the same -- radicalizing young men, for instance, so I'm not saying Youtube is completely 'safe' psychologically.
A friend of mine has Youtube blocked to his home router, but I have to use Youtube for my work, so my 11 yo kid watches it from time to time. But not for hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is hilarious that parents don’t know that YouTube has the same content as TikTok, just delayed by a few weeks or months. You are a fool if you think you’ve dodged a bullet because your child “only” watches YouTube 😂

The algorithm doesn't suck you into a vortex as much. I know, I see exactly what my DD and DS watch.