S/o: which is harder for you, hosting family or visiting family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hosting, obviously. My house is tiny and cluttered because we're 4 people in 1200 sq ft. My family lives abroad, and it's a long flight to see them, but it's still easier than trying to tidy up when you don't actually have the space for it.

Everyone's circumstances are different.

Same here at 1500 sq feet. Our families and friends are used to having a lot more space to spread out, take quiet afternoon naps, get away from kid noise. We can't offer that.

For example, we hosted one family of friends who brought only one of their kids who was toddler aged, and planned to just give them our master bedroom, but they all needed to sleep in different rooms due to snoring/preference. So the kid slept in our kids' room (with our kids), the dad slept by himself in our bedroom, and the mom slept on the living room couch while we slept on the foldout in the family room. They are nice people who didn't complain but it's just a standard of personal space and privacy we can't provide and frankly don't really want to again.

Also hosting people with different food restrictions and dietary issues can be stressful in its own right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Visiting is easier. They do all the cleaning and cooking. Hosting is difficult because you have to clean and cook before they arrive and all during. You are responsible for providing breakfast, lunch, and dinner day after day. You have to keep wiping down and sweeping everything. It’s constant cooking the next meal for everyone. It’s not relaxing.

This is only true if your hosts actually do all the cleaning and cooking. At my ILs, this is not the case. When we visit her for Thanksgiving, we have to do all the grocery shopping and cooking (she will not travel to us). I would not mind this as she is older and I understand that she doesn't want to cook for a crowd, but my siblings-in-law live near her and do not help and I think it's so weird. Like we travel across three states and then prepare the whole meal and my BIL and SIL just show up an hour before dinner and sit around and wait to be served. And they don't help clean! DH and I always put away all the leftovers (and make stuff for BIL and SIL to take home) and then DH's aunt likes to do all the dishes as her contribution. BIL and SIL are in their 30s, I don't get this dynamic at all. They still behave like children. Even my kids help with setting the table and help us with cooking some of the sides but these two grown adults just sit around waiting for dinner. So irritating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hosting, obviously. My house is tiny and cluttered because we're 4 people in 1200 sq ft. My family lives abroad, and it's a long flight to see them, but it's still easier than trying to tidy up when you don't actually have the space for it.

Everyone's circumstances are different.

Same here at 1500 sq feet. Our families and friends are used to having a lot more space to spread out, take quiet afternoon naps, get away from kid noise. We can't offer that.

For example, we hosted one family of friends who brought only one of their kids who was toddler aged, and planned to just give them our master bedroom, but they all needed to sleep in different rooms due to snoring/preference. So the kid slept in our kids' room (with our kids), the dad slept by himself in our bedroom, and the mom slept on the living room couch while we slept on the foldout in the family room. They are nice people who didn't complain but it's just a standard of personal space and privacy we can't provide and frankly don't really want to again.

Also hosting people with different food restrictions and dietary issues can be stressful in its own right.

Wow I cannot imagine imposing on another family in that way. If that were my family, I would have had the toddler sleep with your kids and my spouse and I would have taken the foldout in the family room and we just would have dealt with the snoring. If you guys offered your master bedroom I would take it graciously but I certainly wouldn't be like "okay but also we need the couch because we can't sleep in the same room." Suck it up.

I don't understand people who are such hot house flowers that they can't just figure out how to accept the less-than-ideal sleeping arrangement while staying in someone else house. Did they never just sleep in sleeping bags on the floor at relatives houses growing up? I have three siblings so whenever we travelled, I was sharing a room with other people and would often have not the most comfortable sleeping arrangement. Now if I want nicer accommodations, we get a hotel or AirBnB. If we stay with friends or family, I will find a way to make whatever they offer work for us. They are likely saving us 200-300 a night by hosting.

I am more understanding of food restrictions as I have a kid with one of these. But even there, I am very accustomed to just traveling with food or making our own arrangements to make sure our kid has food to eat. I would never expect a host to rearrange entire meals around my kid's restrictions -- we don't even do that at home because her eating is so limited. We just make sure that there are always 2-3 things at every meal she can eat and then try for one big family meal every week where she can eat everything on the table (and this meal is often the same thing because again, very restrictive diet). I always let hosts know what she will eat and then tell them to plan meals as normal and we'll make sure there are a few things in the kitchen we can supplement with as needed.

[Anonymous]

Both!
We no longer host nor do we stay in anyone’s home.

Easier and removes all stress for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Visiting is easier. They do all the cleaning and cooking. Hosting is difficult because you have to clean and cook before they arrive and all during. You are responsible for providing breakfast, lunch, and dinner day after day. You have to keep wiping down and sweeping everything. It’s constant cooking the next meal for everyone. It’s not relaxing.

+1 Hosting is rough. You run out of breakfast material or lunch material. Once we ran out of pancake mix since we were making pancakes for 8 each day. Then we had to run to a local grocery store to supplement. Once you clear the plates and run the dishwasher, it’s time to begin thinking about the next meal. It’s constant prepping, planning, serving, wiping surfaces, vacuuming, switching out hand towels, serving drinks, etc. By the 5th or 6th day, we are exhausted with hosting. Some people like coffee, some don’t, some like tea, some like water with ice, some with no ice, kid restrictions with texture and allergies, teens turned vegan, etc. The chopping of salad fixings, the fruit trays, the vege dip and trays, the seating arrangements, etc. It’s a lot to host and to repeat it day after day after day… plus, servicing the bathroom surfaces, soaps, fresh towels for everyone, just constant workload for a week or two depending on the length of stay.