3 under 2. Feeling very scared

[Anonymous]

Hire help.

[Anonymous]

Yes hire help especially for the nights because your toddler will also wake up.

You asked for positive stories too. Because my 3 were basically always in the same "phase," their relationships have always been tight. It makes every single difficult time in the early days worth it 100 fold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't plan to use daycare. The twins may be early and high risk for illness. Get a nanny for their health and your sanity.

We have one and will be giving her a hefty raise. I plan on taking 6 months off as well. We will get a night nanny.

[Anonymous]

I will point this out to my friend who was in this position to see if she has anything to contribute but her kids (12 and 10) are thriving. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but you’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

First off congrats OP! I’m sure this seems overwhelming now, but they won’t all be “under 3” forever. In the long run I think this is a good thing.

I’m on the other end of things where I had 3 over a period of 8 years. It’s been nice in a lot of ways — the older kids were helpful (or at least more independent) when their younger sibling(s) came along and we could stagger childcare and eventually college costs. But it also means we’re dealing with the cusp of puberty and moodiness from our oldest while also potty training our youngest! So that has its own challenges. And it means we have been in the little kid phase for what feels like forever as many of our friends who stopped with 1 or 2 (or spaced them closer) have long ago moved on. While our friends go on amazing international family trips, we are still planning travel to accommodate a nap schedule. Ultimately I love how our family turned out, but it’s trade offs.

You are about to have a wild (and expensive) few years. But I agree with people saying get a nanny (even if this means you can’t save for retirement or have to tread water financially).

The good news is you aren’t exactly going to be planning fancy vacations or buying nice furniture etc. the next few years. So just embrace the chaos for a years and focus on that.

Also because you’ve only been a mom for 11 months you don’t yet have the perspective of how much better it gets once your kid is potty trained, fully verbal, able to make themself a snack, etc. One day your kids will be getting up to pour themselves a bowl of cereal and watch tv together while you sleep in on a Saturday morning. It will happen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had two under two and it almost broke me BUT now that they’re older it’s awesome! That first year though… whew.

Tips:
Sleep train! The Sleep Easy Solution has a good option for 4 months (and a weight limit, so maybe a bit later for twins).

Throw money at your sanity EARLY if at all possible. Spending money to keep yourself sane in the first few months is WAY better than waiting until you’re absolutely drowning and trying to pick up the pieces. Get a night nanny at least a few nights a week. Order grocery delivery. Send out your laundry. Use paper plates and plastic cutlery. Get takeout. Buy easy to eat single serving snacks. Get good quality childcare for your older child and lean on it hard. $10-20k in upfront spending would have completely changed my life for that first 18 months, and instead I spent probably close to that trying to put myself back together (therapy, etc).

Do not be afraid to ask for help from anyone who will actually be helpful. Family, friends, neighbors. Don’t be shy. People want to help in this situation. If someone comes to visit the baby, ask them to unload the dishwasher. This is all hands on deck!

Best of luck to you!

All of this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-Formula is your friend. It's ok to combo feed or only formula feed. If you enjoy breastfeeding and it's easy, great. Don't use precious energy forcing it if it's not happening.
-Throw money at it. Hire help, use childcare, whatever works for you and your DH and your kids to get through the first year, and then beyond.


And most importantly:
No one wins a medal for perfect parenting. Are your kids safe and loved? Yes? Then you are WINNING and so are they. You got this.

+1. I know a family that had 4 under 3--(They had triplets). They had a full time nanny until the triplets were school age.