3 under 2. Feeling very scared

[Anonymous]

We just found out I’m expecting twins. We did IVF and our one embryo split.

I’m panicking for so many reasons. Identical twins are risky (although thankfully ours are di-di) medically. We just refused to transfer two embryos because of the risk of twins and now I’m having an even scarier pregnancy.

Beyond that we have a 11 month old who will be about 1.5 when our twins are born (hopefully healthy and full term).

Tell me it’s possible guys. The sleep deprivation with my first almost did us in but we didn’t sleep train.

Give me your positive stories.

[Anonymous]

I was in your position. My kids are high schoolers now. They are wonderful. It was a huge amount of physical work when they were little. Especially once the twins were walking, until they were around 4.

Advice: 1) set a schedule and stick to it. They are teenagers now, but I can still tell you that my kids got fed at 1, 4, 7, 10. Stick to a nap schedule for all the kids as long as possible. In all things, schedule is key.
2) Baby carriers....strapping at least one of them to you is key to being able to accomplish even basic tasks like making a meal.
3) The best or worst thing is that three kids under 2 requires two hands on parents. A lot of dads get away with being less hands on for just one kid but with three you both need to be 100% involved. This meant that my husband became a very involved father, which I think has been a wonderful advantage for my kids throughout life.

Good luck! You've got this.

[Anonymous]

I had two under two and it almost broke me BUT now that they’re older it’s awesome! That first year though… whew.

Tips:
Sleep train! The Sleep Easy Solution has a good option for 4 months (and a weight limit, so maybe a bit later for twins).

Throw money at your sanity EARLY if at all possible. Spending money to keep yourself sane in the first few months is WAY better than waiting until you’re absolutely drowning and trying to pick up the pieces. Get a night nanny at least a few nights a week. Order grocery delivery. Send out your laundry. Use paper plates and plastic cutlery. Get takeout. Buy easy to eat single serving snacks. Get good quality childcare for your older child and lean on it hard. $10-20k in upfront spending would have completely changed my life for that first 18 months, and instead I spent probably close to that trying to put myself back together (therapy, etc).

Do not be afraid to ask for help from anyone who will actually be helpful. Family, friends, neighbors. Don’t be shy. People want to help in this situation. If someone comes to visit the baby, ask them to unload the dishwasher. This is all hands on deck!

Best of luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Well you have to sleep train but it sounds like you know that. Ask for help, don’t feel bad about it, and be specific with what you need. In that situation personally I’d move to be close to family or pay for family to move to me (if that were an option). And if you have family nearby, you’re already winning the help lottery.

[Anonymous]

It’s possible. I have a friend who had this. Adopted and then had a surrogate and unexpected pregnancy kids born 14 months later. Just line up a lot of help. Join a twins group now.

[Anonymous]

Don't plan to use daycare. The twins may be early and high risk for illness. Get a nanny for their health and your sanity.

[Anonymous]

Hi op. I totally understand feeling super scared! My good friend who this happened to with her second cried for three days. They are a happy thriving family of 5 with 3 elementary schoolers now. Those early years were hard, but you will do it and you can. I would join twin groups as you'll really get the best advice from people who can truly understand what it is like to have twins. But a couple things: do consider a night nanny! Sometimes throwing money at some things early on is worth it.

And, I just wanted to plug that it might be worth it to pay for a sleep consultant once the babies are 4-6 months. Since you didn't sleep train with your first, having support could be crucial. In particular, sharing that I used a consultant through The Peaceful Sleeper and as someone reluctant to any sleep training but with a situation that needed it, it was a great fit so I wanted to share. They truly can adjust to people's needs, wants, and how gentle you want to be. It isn't a one size fits all. Having the consultant walk us through (we did one of their group ones where they were with you watching the monitor with you) was worth every penny. Maybe you'll get two miracle babies, but more likely you will need to do some gentle sleep training to keep you all ok. https://thepeacefulsleeper.com/

[Anonymous]

Also I have four friends off the top of my head who have had twin pregnancies - all were quite smooth, no major complications! So you may truly have a fine pregnancy, of course maybe early. One colleague had the more high risk set up and that was incredibly difficult and early but that is not your situation.

[Anonymous]

You got this OP! I say this as one who had 4 in 3 years and they are now all in college.

Sure it is crazy when they are little but no regrets. You have great advice above and I agree with it all. I wish I had some for you but I forget the bad stuff so I look back on those days fondly. The only thing I can offer is that sleep deprivation is real, embrace how much you can do on so little sleep.

[Anonymous]

Hire help. Night nanny if possible. Actual nanny. Mother’s helper type folks who can come play with older child while you tend to smaller ones. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You will need it. All mothers do, but you really really will. There’s no prize for running yourself into the ground. Get the help you need.

[Anonymous]

Borrow $$ if necessary to get a good night nurse. You don’t have to breast feed

[Anonymous]

-Formula is your friend. It's ok to combo feed or only formula feed. If you enjoy breastfeeding and it's easy, great. Don't use precious energy forcing it if it's not happening.
-Throw money at it. Hire help, use childcare, whatever works for you and your DH and your kids to get through the first year, and then beyond.


And most importantly:
No one wins a medal for perfect parenting. Are your kids safe and loved? Yes? Then you are WINNING and so are they. You got this.

[Anonymous]

Buy a freezer and fill it full of meals

My first almost killed me with his poor sleep. Somehow subsequent kids seem to know they will get left under a tree if they try that s---

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-Formula is your friend. It's ok to combo feed or only formula feed. If you enjoy breastfeeding and it's easy, great. Don't use precious energy forcing it if it's not happening.
-Throw money at it. Hire help, use childcare, whatever works for you and your DH and your kids to get through the first year, and then beyond.


And most importantly:
No one wins a medal for perfect parenting. Are your kids safe and loved? Yes? Then you are WINNING and so are they. You got this.

This is good advice. Good luck OP! Throw as much money as you can bear at the challenges for the next few years to get through the hard parts and enjoy the good parts. And give yourself some grace.

[Anonymous]

Get a full-time nanny no matter what it costs