I hate Thanksgiving as a parent of kids with SN

[Anonymous]

He may become calmer as he gets older.
The fact that he is strong and athletic means here should be some sports that he will be able to do.
If he isn’t ready for team sports, then private lessons may help him get out some of his energy.

There can be a compromise between a full turkey dinner and a frozen pizza. This year, we put a pre-cooked ham in the oven and had some pre-made side dishes that turned out to be really good. There was not much prep or cleanup and it was still a decent holiday meal.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if your child has the same diagnoses as mine so this may not be helpful but 5/6 was the absolute hardest. My child is behaviorally unrecognizable now at 9 (with meds! But I think time helped even more). I hope there’s at least a chance that things improve so you have something to hope for.

My child only went for pie today though. They struggle even being around the huge plates of gloppy food. Food is still so hard.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP, I hear you. My Thanksgiving was quite shitty. I’d chronicle it all but a) I don’t want to relive it and b) it would take so much to chronicle it all. But just know that you’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are you?

Op here. Late 30s but my mom died in her late 50s so genetics not on my side. My grandparents all died in their 50s/60s.

[Anonymous]

OP, that sounds really, really hard. “Relentless” was an apt description. I don’t have any words of wisdom for you, but lots of empathy. I wish it was easier for you to get a break. I wish you had a place you could drop off your son for a few hours where he’d have lots of supervision and would be safe, but could also have fun. I wish your husband could have the Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving he wants. Big hugs for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I get you.

You just have to come to terms with the fact that life is a F-ing slog for some people and a cake walk for others. You've got it tough, but a lot of people have it even worse.

Try to enjoy your particular ride, because it's all you got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if your child has the same diagnoses as mine so this may not be helpful but 5/6 was the absolute hardest. My child is behaviorally unrecognizable now at 9 (with meds! But I think time helped even more). I hope there’s at least a chance that things improve so you have something to hope for.

My child only went for pie today though. They struggle even being around the huge plates of gloppy food. Food is still so hard.

Your child went for pie today. Hopefully he enjoyed it. Give yourself grace and praise yourself and your child for little steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. It sounds like a really hard situation you’re in. I hope things are better next week for you.

We are in our own thanksgiving hell; our SN child was in the hospital yesterday and our local family all went out of town together for a fun trip to which we weren’t invited and only given text message lip service to the fact that our child is in crisis. Literally nobody cares.

So we’re hurting in a different way but I empathize with you OP. Hugs to you.

Op here. I hope your child is doing better. I totally relate to feeling like family just doesn’t really care. Even our few family members who are well meaning just understand and are constantly saying things.

Like even today, some family stopped by to see us briefly. DS was so excited to see them and so overstimulated and was just getting up in their faces and touching them and asking constant nonsense questions like “what time do I get out of school on Wednesdays?”

And then our relative was asking “why is he like this?” And “have you tried medicines to help him?”

Like she doesn’t intend any harm but I just don’t have the energy to explain all of this to her.

[Anonymous]

I have twin autistic 3 year olds. Today they tore down one of the gates that used to be able to contain them. It is hard to get anything done with them underfoot, and I hate how much I have to use tv as a babysitter because they have little interest in toys outside of therapy. They want to empty cabinets and play in sinks and climb into dangerous places. They took a single lick of cranberry sauce and ate nothing else from the meal. I totally relate to the solo parenting being way harder than the cooking and cleaning. Holidays don’t feel like a break at all and it’s hard not knowing whether it will ever get easier.

[Anonymous]

OP , hugs to you. I remember this age. I think mine were not quite at this level but I had two, and I remember how relentless and both physically and emotionally exhausting it was. And so lonely.

I am sure you have tried everything but for us success (or non disaster was all about exercise. My goal in life when boys were at least ages 3-9 was to exhaust them physically in the safest location possible. I never did a holiday without a ton of exercise beforehand. We have done every playground, every local trail, every climbing gym, every indoor playground, every ropes course who knows how many times. And if it's pouring rain and I needed to take them to a McDonald's play space, so be it. Oh and my basement is also a playground... monkey bars, swings, tumbling mats, even mattresses on floors and walls. Also holes in walls from crashes and bumps but who cares.

Anyway, I found exhaustion took the edge off! I promise the hyperactivity gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. It sounds like a really hard situation you’re in. I hope things are better next week for you.

We are in our own thanksgiving hell; our SN child was in the hospital yesterday and our local family all went out of town together for a fun trip to which we weren’t invited and only given text message lip service to the fact that our child is in crisis. Literally nobody cares.

So we’re hurting in a different way but I empathize with you OP. Hugs to you.

Sorry, PP. I hope your child is ok and that you are ok. Your extended DCUM family cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP , hugs to you. I remember this age. I think mine were not quite at this level but I had two, and I remember how relentless and both physically and emotionally exhausting it was. And so lonely.

I am sure you have tried everything but for us success (or non disaster was all about exercise. My goal in life when boys were at least ages 3-9 was to exhaust them physically in the safest location possible. I never did a holiday without a ton of exercise beforehand. We have done every playground, every local trail, every climbing gym, every indoor playground, every ropes course who knows how many times. And if it's pouring rain and I needed to take them to a McDonald's play space, so be it. Oh and my basement is also a playground... monkey bars, swings, tumbling mats, even mattresses on floors and walls. Also holes in walls from crashes and bumps but who cares.

Anyway, I found exhaustion took the edge off! I promise the hyperactivity gets better.

I posted in the family section on the thread about being “those guests” about traveling with my extremely hyperactive child. We were the people googling for nearby playgrounds and running our child for hours to make it through a meal. My in-laws were always annoyed we couldn’t “just relax”. It was a huge relief to get a diagnosis and have someone confirm that yes we were having a different experience than other parents and not just being crazy people.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for all whose families criticize and blame. My kids are older now but we went through really tough periods. There are relatives I still don’t talk to. I learned to act like they just don’t exist even if they are right beside me. It has made my life better.

I don’t know if it was as bad for me as others - again my kids are adults. But I was fatigued just remembering the “arms length” rule - one of mine had to be within arms length for years. We spent some time remembering some of the events. Like the time he dove off the kitchen counter and had to go to the hospital.

For us Thanksgiving has not always been easy but this year was really great. One of my kids who spent years being hospitalized over thanksgiving or otherwise unable to attend was there, engaged, having fun. It’s been a long time since we had a glimpse of a positive and maybe independent future but I got that yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Are you complaining about the kid when it's your selfish husband that is the problem?