I hate Thanksgiving as a parent of kids with SN

[Anonymous]

I really just hate holidays. My DS can’t handle the change in routine. We can’t go to anyone else’s house because of his behaviors. We can’t have people over because of his behavior. All the places I’d normally take him are closed. All our babysitters and respite providers are unavailable.

My DH insists on still making a turkey and the big elaborate meal, but it means I’m stuck solo parenting while he cooks and trashes the kitchen and then needs to “relax” after all his “hard work.” I literally don’t care and would be fine with frozen pizza.

Ds Requires one adult’s FULL ATTENTION at all times. I cannot use the bathroom. I cannot unload the dishwasher while he watches TV in the living room. My eyes and hands must be always free.

It’s hell. I love him but I hate this life. I honestly kind of look forward to the end of my own life. Hopefully I only have another 20 years or so to survive.

How’s your thanksgiving going?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. ((((Hugs))))

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, OP. I hope tomorrow is better. Do you belong to any Facebook groups that offer support - or even better - in person? It is nice to have people with the same issues to talk to. It’s really isolating having friends with perfect families.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, OP. What you’re doing is a kind of high intensity parenting that very few people understand. I give you permission to tell DH that the Turkey and all the trimmings is too much and not allowed, in the same way that you going to the spa for a full day is probably too much and not alllowed. Or if he is allowed to do it, everyone needs to recognize this day as one of his days off and you get a day off in return.

[Anonymous]

Thanksgiving is hard for many reasons.
My DS has monitored Snapchat.
Kids are mentioning what friends they are thankful for on Thanksgiving. He has friends that he does things with outside of school and many Snapchat friends.
None of his friends included him on their list of friends to be thankful for. He doesn’t read the stories very often so he probably won’t even know. It would be devastating for him to know that some people he considers to be good friends didn’t include him in their Thanksgiving snap stories.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. You’re a good mom, doing your best.

[Anonymous]

Yes!!! I feel this so much. People are just oblivious to how hard these big gatherings are for a kid with certain special needs.

We always do Christmas just us at home for this reason and it's a genuinely enjoyable holiday with no conflict and everyone gets what they need. And some family members have gotten mad about this and I just don't care because it's the one holiday I truly enjoy.

[Anonymous]

The title of the thread is I hate Thanksgiving.
There are many reasons parents with special needs kids might have a hard time with Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

The last sentence of OPs post was

How is your Thanksgiving going?

There is no need to judge other people or call them clueless for answering that question.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP. It sounds like a really hard situation you’re in. I hope things are better next week for you.

We are in our own thanksgiving hell; our SN child was in the hospital yesterday and our local family all went out of town together for a fun trip to which we weren’t invited and only given text message lip service to the fact that our child is in crisis. Literally nobody cares.

So we’re hurting in a different way but I empathize with you OP. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Oh no, I'm so sorry, OP. Please, if you feel suicidal, there's a hotline (988), and if you're depressed and anxious, I hope that you have enough support and resources to see a therapist and maybe a psychiatrist for meds.

How old is your child and what progress has he made? Do you see a future where he can be self-sufficient for a few hours, or a future where he can be fine in social gatherings for the Holidays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry. ((((Hugs))))

+1 We are here for you, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry, OP. What you’re doing is a kind of high intensity parenting that very few people understand. I give you permission to tell DH that the Turkey and all the trimmings is too much and not allowed, in the same way that you going to the spa for a full day is probably too much and not alllowed. Or if he is allowed to do it, everyone needs to recognize this day as one of his days off and you get a day off in return.

Op here. Thank you for acknowledging that this is so high intensity. I know all SN parenting is hard in different ways but this particular flavor of hard is VERY hard for ME. like my son is very mobile and strong and athletic and actually I think more intelligent than anyone realizes. But he’s relentless. He never stops talking or moving. He broke 3 dishes today (and this is with us having mostly plastic and disposable plates). He threw a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. He threw a rock at his sibling. He threw a magnatile down the toilet and we can’t use that one now until a plumber comes tomorrow. He took a handful out of the pumpkin pie. He ran out of the house and into the street naked. He asks the same question hundreds of times. His current obsession is time and clocks so it’s a relentless treadmill of “what time is it? Today is Saturday? How long until night time? How long til Wednesday? How many days til Friday? Today is Saturday?” It’s so fatiguing.

He just requires such intensive supervision. And we have locks and cameras and baby gates and almost nothing he can break but he is just so fast and will swipe things in the 1 second my back is turned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh no, I'm so sorry, OP. Please, if you feel suicidal, there's a hotline (988), and if you're depressed and anxious, I hope that you have enough support and resources to see a therapist and maybe a psychiatrist for meds.

How old is your child and what progress has he made? Do you see a future where he can be self-sufficient for a few hours, or a future where he can be fine in social gatherings for the Holidays?

Op here. I’m not suicidal. I’m just….ok with the idea or looking forward to the end of all this, and the only way I see that arriving for me is that I get old and die.

He’s 6. He’s made progress. I’m not sure when or if he will ever be able to be left on his own for a few hours. Right now I’d just like to be able to trust him in the bathroom by himself or trust him to play in the living room while I unload the dishwasher.

[Anonymous]

Its a tuff age with a child with special needs. Hang in there, hopefully as he gets older, it will get better. And, I hate to say this but the ipad or tv is great if you need a break and its ok. At 6, I heavily supervised. I'd never leave a 6 year old in a bedroom alone. We have a small house so that helps a lot. But, things can change a lot when they become teens.