Do you find this coach’s behavior to be outrageous or am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They shouldn’t even be trading for friends. You got your list, that’s it. And what he did was despicable. Another failed athlete fantasizing about being a real coach.

Sooooo quick to judge aren't you misandrist one?
Pssst..these guys volunteer their time for these kids.
You?

NP, but my DH has coached various rec level teams for my kids and would never do this.

Another thing though is that coaches are sent the roster before parents so all this “trading” may have been done without the parents knowing. Often parents can request certain coaches/friends and the league will try to accommodate this if possible. But I have 3 kids and have never once hear of a coach getting rid of kids from the roster.

[Anonymous]

It may not be about winning/losing, but about having a good experience for the kids. It's more fun to be on a team with skilled players who want to be there and are focused/enthusiastic. If the coach has the privilege to request changes to give his own kid a better experience, that's kind of one of the perks of (volunteer!) coaching.

[Anonymous]

So your husband has only coached one of the kids before? Maybe this coach has more experience with those boys and knows he can’t coach them as well as he would like and thinks they might have a better experience on the other team. Why are you so resentful of these two boys on your team? It’s just for fun, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It may not be about winning/losing, but about having a good experience for the kids. It's more fun to be on a team with skilled players who want to be there and are focused/enthusiastic. If the coach has the privilege to request changes to give his own kid a better experience, that's kind of one of the perks of (volunteer!) coaching.

That is basically the opposite of sportsmanship, btw. Since you don't seem to realize that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, he sounds like a jerk. But I cannot tell if he traded these two kids because they suck at the sport or if they have behavioral/communication challenges due to autism.

But at the end of the day, I would be glad the two kids with autism aren’t stuck with the total jerk for a coach. And hopefully, my husband could help support those two kids in the best way possible. So I would reframe this as “thank goodness these two kids ended up with a much better fit for a coach.”

I think the big win here is that the kids with autism are not going to be with a coach who is probably a d*ck.

That said, the whole point of rec is for kids to have fun playing in a low pressure environment, and for parents to enjoy and support that environment. There shouldn’t be trading at all outside of some really extreme circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Why not have your husband trade them back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, he sounds like a jerk. But I cannot tell if he traded these two kids because they suck at the sport or if they have behavioral/communication challenges due to autism.

But at the end of the day, I would be glad the two kids with autism aren’t stuck with the total jerk for a coach. And hopefully, my husband could help support those two kids in the best way possible. So I would reframe this as “thank goodness these two kids ended up with a much better fit for a coach.”

I think the big win here is that the kids with autism are not going to be with a coach who is probably a d*ck.

That said, the whole point of rec is for kids to have fun playing in a low pressure environment, and for parents to enjoy and support that environment. There shouldn’t be trading at all outside of some really extreme circumstance.

It’s OPs husbands turn to coach these kids. OP seems pretty pissed about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my son’s elementary school about 20 boys play a low key rec basketball league every year since K. My son is 8 and in 3rd grade. The league doesn’t even keep score just to show you how low key it is.

My husband is coaching one of the teams and he got his roster of 10 kids. They typically put friends together who lost each other. In the grade there’s two boy groups with some mutual friends in each. When the other team’s coach got their roster they weren’t happy with the kids and asked the league to trade two kids, who are also athletic good kids to his team. I thought that was surprising and then when my husband got his new roster I realized he traded off 2 autistic kids. No big deal to my husband who has coached one before but isn’t this poor behavior to be trading kids off so you can have a better team? In a rec league for 8 year old children that doesn’t keep score?! Something about the whole situation is really bothering me, especially because they have a few kids who even play select on that team. What kind of person cares this much if their rec team wins or loses?

OP, the other coach said "I'm not happy with my team, we need to trade?" I find that a little hard to believe.

[Anonymous]

So all this trading happened behind the scenes, meaning none of the kids or their parents are aware that the final rosters weren’t the original rosters? And OP only knows about it due to insider information from her husband?

If that’s the case, then OP who cares? It’s a rec league for 8 year olds, the rosters are arbitrary to begin with. Don’t go searching for drama; just mind your own business and move on.

[Anonymous]

I have been and commissioner for multiple sports .Best practice is to have a discussion with coaches an rostering before any rosters go out. Every team should be set up for success.
There have been a few times where the coach and a specific player just do not gel. This can be for various reasons. Best for all if either the coach or the family is allowed to trade. Trading for a better team in rec sports is lame but many people try over and over again to do it.

Good luck to DH and his team!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So now you have an A and a B team. This is usually how things go.

No not at all, it’s a non competitive league. They don’t even keep score

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now you have an A and a B team. This is usually how things go.

No not at all, it’s a non competitive league. They don’t even keep score

So why are you so put out about losing two good players for the “autistic kids”? Who cares? Let them play without complaining about your two new kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At my son’s elementary school about 20 boys play a low key rec basketball league every year since K. My son is 8 and in 3rd grade. The league doesn’t even keep score just to show you how low key it is.

My husband is coaching one of the teams and he got his roster of 10 kids. They typically put friends together who lost each other. In the grade there’s two boy groups with some mutual friends in each. When the other team’s coach got their roster they weren’t happy with the kids and asked the league to trade two kids, who are also athletic good kids to his team. I thought that was surprising and then when my husband got his new roster I realized he traded off 2 autistic kids. No big deal to my husband who has coached one before but isn’t this poor behavior to be trading kids off so you can have a better team? In a rec league for 8 year old children that doesn’t keep score?! Something about the whole situation is really bothering me, especially because they have a few kids who even play select on that team. What kind of person cares this much if their rec team wins or loses?

OP, the other coach said "I'm not happy with my team, we need to trade?" I find that a little hard to believe.

Yes, wrote to the league and asked to switch their two players he wasn’t happy about for for two good players on DH’s team. Keep in mind they don’t keep score. And the kids he pulled aren’t friends w his kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So now you have an A and a B team. This is usually how things go.

No not at all, it’s a non competitive league. They don’t even keep score

So why are you so put out about losing two good players for the “autistic kids”? Who cares? Let them play without complaining about your two new kids.

Issue is not the kids at all. As I said we have played with them before and it’s big a big deal… it’s the entitlement and controlling behavior of this dad, just grosses me out at this age that people are like that, judging kids ability and caring if their kid is on a “winning” rec team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, he sounds like a jerk. But I cannot tell if he traded these two kids because they suck at the sport or if they have behavioral/communication challenges due to autism.

But at the end of the day, I would be glad the two kids with autism aren’t stuck with the total jerk for a coach. And hopefully, my husband could help support those two kids in the best way possible. So I would reframe this as “thank goodness these two kids ended up with a much better fit for a coach.”

I think the big win here is that the kids with autism are not going to be with a coach who is probably a d*ck.

That said, the whole point of rec is for kids to have fun playing in a low pressure environment, and for parents to enjoy and support that environment. There shouldn’t be trading at all outside of some really extreme circumstance.

It’s OPs husbands turn to coach these kids. OP seems pretty pissed about it.

He’s coached them before and it’s a non issue. Don’t project. I was mad before even knowing who the kids are. It’s just gross to try to control these things and make changes for your own preferences