Do you find this coach’s behavior to be outrageous or am I overreacting?
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Anonymous
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At my son’s elementary school about 20 boys play a low key rec basketball league every year since K. My son is 8 and in 3rd grade. The league doesn’t even keep score just to show you how low key it is.
My husband is coaching one of the teams and he got his roster of 10 kids. They typically put friends together who lost each other. In the grade there’s two boy groups with some mutual friends in each. When the other team’s coach got their roster they weren’t happy with the kids and asked the league to trade two kids, who are also athletic good kids to his team. I thought that was surprising and then when my husband got his new roster I realized he traded off 2 autistic kids. No big deal to my husband who has coached one before but isn’t this poor behavior to be trading kids off so you can have a better team? In a rec league for 8 year old children that doesn’t keep score?! Something about the whole situation is really bothering me, especially because they have a few kids who even play select on that team. What kind of person cares this much if their rec team wins or loses? |
Anonymous
| Other coach may be trading off to get his kid’s friends on his team, or to get rid of kids who are annoying. Might not be about winning, at this age/level. Kind of a dick move either way. |
Anonymous
The two boys traded are very good friends with my son and the boys on my husband's team. They aren't friends with his kid at all. They have a few mutual friends on the team but no relationship with his kid. |
Anonymous
| They shouldn’t even be trading for friends. You got your list, that’s it. And what he did was despicable. Another failed athlete fantasizing about being a real coach. |
Anonymous
| He might want his kid to be closer to the traded kids? Or learn from the traded kids? It’s not right. If I were the traded kids’ parent I would have them traded back. However, it might be more than about winning. |
Anonymous
| Let me let you in on a secret, OP. They keep score. |
Anonymous
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I really don’t think there should be trading aside from if there’s someone who ended up on a team with no one from their school and they have a social connection to another team/coach. But trading within school groups is just a problem waiting to happen.
That said this guy sounds like a jerk and those kids may have a much better experience with your husband. Unless your kid is really upset about not being with those friends or this clearly violates the league policy I would probably let it go. |
Anonymous
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Sure, he sounds like a jerk. But I cannot tell if he traded these two kids because they suck at the sport or if they have behavioral/communication challenges due to autism.
But at the end of the day, I would be glad the two kids with autism aren’t stuck with the total jerk for a coach. And hopefully, my husband could help support those two kids in the best way possible. So I would reframe this as “thank goodness these two kids ended up with a much better fit for a coach.” |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
+100 |
Anonymous
Then plan a playdate |
Anonymous
Sooooo quick to judge aren't you misandrist one? Pssst..these guys volunteer their time for these kids. You? |
Anonymous
| In our rec league they take heights and have a ‘tryout’ day where they specifically try to create mixed skills teams. I think it’s less important that you keep friend groups together than you have talent spread out so no team feels like the loser team. I think the other coach was right to ensure this. It’s not about his ego or your husbands it’s about spreading out the talent. |
Anonymous
Their team has a few kids who are on the select team already. A try out team that practices and does tournaments. |
Anonymous
| So now you have an A and a B team. This is usually how things go. |