Advice: He bought me a birthday gift…and we broke up before my birthday

[Anonymous]

Treating people the way you'd want to be treated is usually a good strategy. Return the money. PP's gift card suggestion is a good plan.

Letting go of people doesn't have to mean hurt feelings and bad blood, and giving him the money back could go a long way toward preventing resentments. You'd appreciate it, were the roles reversed, so do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Guys opinion, unless it was mentioned, just let it go or send him a gift card to something he enjoys and move on. I’d just let it go though. Doubt he is thinking about it, unless he is tight on budget.

[Anonymous]

From his perspective he probably thinks it is a sunk cost.

Use it or not. But don’t raise it with him.

[Anonymous]

I think it's insulting to refund it. To me it says, I dislike you so much that even your gift repels me. Just enjoy it, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should gift him back the amount on a visa gift card or gift card to some place he likes with a note that states that you so appreciated the gift if his paying for your massage for your birthday—but since the breakup, you’ve felt guilty about accepting it as an early bday present, and you wanted to repay the kindness.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think you should leave it alone. Any attempt to communicate is going to look fishy and give false hope. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should gift him back the amount on a visa gift card or gift card to some place he likes with a note that states that you so appreciated the gift if his paying for your massage for your birthday—but since the breakup, you’ve felt guilty about accepting it as an early bday present, and you wanted to repay the kindness.

I think you risk sending the wrong message, and could make things worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he do something awful? Or was this break up more emotion or comparability?

OP here. Nope, nothing bad on his end. I got out of a rough relationship earlier this year and wasnt ready to date someone seriously.

Yeah. You don’t have to give it back, but it feels weird. For my own piece of mind, I’d try to give it back. I did that once. Ex gave me a huge necklace for Christmas, his mom hated me, and I gave it back when we broke up in January. I really, really needed to feel like the breakup wasn’t mixed with the financials. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's insulting to refund it. To me it says, I dislike you so much that even your gift repels me. Just enjoy it, move on.

Totally agree, the gift was given in love and should not be returned. He’s not even thinking about it

[Anonymous]

You don't have to but you should pay it back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Treating people the way you'd want to be treated is usually a good strategy. Return the money. PP's gift card suggestion is a good plan.

Letting go of people doesn't have to mean hurt feelings and bad blood, and giving him the money back could go a long way toward preventing resentments. You'd appreciate it, were the roles reversed, so do the right thing.

This. Send the amount or gift card. Unless he is super wealthy it will be appreciated especially now during the holiday season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Treating people the way you'd want to be treated is usually a good strategy. Return the money. PP's gift card suggestion is a good plan.

Letting go of people doesn't have to mean hurt feelings and bad blood, and giving him the money back could go a long way toward preventing resentments. You'd appreciate it, were the roles reversed, so do the right thing.

This. Send the amount or gift card. Unless he is super wealthy it will be appreciated especially now during the holiday season.

But you don’t know if that’s actually the way he would want to be treated. As others have said, he may find it upsetting in some manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's insulting to refund it. To me it says, I dislike you so much that even your gift repels me. Just enjoy it, move on.

This. If you ended things because you weren’t ready, just keep the gift. I think it’s a slap in the face to return it unless he’s asked for it back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Treating people the way you'd want to be treated is usually a good strategy. Return the money. PP's gift card suggestion is a good plan.

Letting go of people doesn't have to mean hurt feelings and bad blood, and giving him the money back could go a long way toward preventing resentments. You'd appreciate it, were the roles reversed, so do the right thing.

If a guy dumped me because he said he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, I’d feel even more rejected if he returned a gift I thoughtfully selected for him. There’s no warm feelings or sense of appreciation after that.

[Anonymous]

If it was a family heirloom or something difficult for him to afford it would be one thing. But otherwise it is insulting to return.