Advice: He bought me a birthday gift…and we broke up before my birthday

[Anonymous]

About few weeks ago I was talking about getting a massage from my favorite place after doing a marathon. He asked a few days later if he could gift it as an early birthday present, which I accepted thinking we’d stay together. I ended things.


He hadn’t asked for me to pay him back, but I feel like I should? It wasn’t cheap, and I feel weird for it. Any thoughts here?

[Anonymous]

No reason to pay him back or acknowledge it. Move on.

[Anonymous]

It was a gift, enjoy it and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No reason to pay him back or acknowledge it. Move on.

+1 it was a gift, regardless of the timing.

[Anonymous]

I think you should gift him back the amount on a visa gift card or gift card to some place he likes with a note that states that you so appreciated the gift if his paying for your massage for your birthday—but since the breakup, you’ve felt guilty about accepting it as an early bday present, and you wanted to repay the kindness.

[Anonymous]

I would give it back. Take the high road. Especially if you were the one to break up.

[Anonymous]

Did he do something awful? Or was this break up more emotion or comparability?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he do something awful? Or was this break up more emotion or comparability?

OP here. Nope, nothing bad on his end. I got out of a rough relationship earlier this year and wasnt ready to date someone seriously.

[Anonymous]

This happened once to me - I broke up with him. He was a jerk and I didn’t want anything hanging over my head. And we worked together (I know, I know…)

I offered to give it back - it was something easily returned to the store. I said “you should have this” and he wouldn’t take it back. I know that a gift is a gift and I could have kept it guilt free but I feel like offering was the right thing to do, and I didn’t want to keep anything from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should gift him back the amount on a visa gift card or gift card to some place he likes with a note that states that you so appreciated the gift if his paying for your massage for your birthday—but since the breakup, you’ve felt guilty about accepting it as an early bday present, and you wanted to repay the kindness.

Probably the most adult way to handle this unless he did something awful.

[Anonymous]

You should offer. He may not want it back. But definitely offer.

[Anonymous]

Good guy overall but you weren’t ready?

If you have the money, give it to him.

[Anonymous]

Do you think he cares about the money spent on the gift? Would reimbursing him feel like even further rejection, like salt in the wound for him?
If you think it would somehow make him feel better, and it would feel fine/good to you, sure go ahead and pay him back.
But my first instinct when I read your post was no it was a gift just leave it be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should gift him back the amount on a visa gift card or gift card to some place he likes with a note that states that you so appreciated the gift if his paying for your massage for your birthday—but since the breakup, you’ve felt guilty about accepting it as an early bday present, and you wanted to repay the kindness.

This is what I would do.

[Anonymous]

100% give him the money with a short explanation. Don’t ask if he wants it back, just send it. Zero question.