Dating someone with a terminal illness

[Anonymous]

Support him, be there for him when he wants to talk. He's still probably digesting this. Keep him company. I'm so sorry this is happening but please do not abandon him now when he needs you the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut him loose. You were nuts to talk marriage after only six months!

You are a horrible "human."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just politely move on. He will understand.

What is wrong with you?

Why are you such a horrible, selfish human being?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating someone for 6 months. We recently started talking about marriage and the future. He had been having dizzy spells and headaches and went for testing. He was diagnosed with glioblastoma and told me so today in a very matter of fact nonchalant way. I’m not sure how to digest this and what I’m supposed to be doing. He doesn’t seem to want to talk about it and I want to try to do everything I can for him but I’m at a loss of what to do. I’m looking for advice.

I hate to be that person, but something about this doesn't add up.
The bottom line you can't help him or be there for him if he doesn't want it.
If he's not taking your calls or texts from you there's a reason for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating someone for 6 months. We recently started talking about marriage and the future. He had been having dizzy spells and headaches and went for testing. He was diagnosed with glioblastoma and told me so today in a very matter of fact nonchalant way. I’m not sure how to digest this and what I’m supposed to be doing. He doesn’t seem to want to talk about it and I want to try to do everything I can for him but I’m at a loss of what to do. I’m looking for advice.

If he was just diagnose, he will go through a series of emotions. Give him space. I don't know why people want to talk about things all the time, and want someone to ask for support.

People handle grief differently, and this is about him and not you. He's the one dying. Show that you are there without insisting, if you care for him.

[Anonymous]

How noble of you Op.

To selflessly date someone with a known terminal disease.

[Anonymous]

What does he have and how long does he have to live not like a vegetable?

[Anonymous]

Through the harvest season, I’d say.

[Anonymous]

No. With six months of dating, you aren't obliged to marry. You can support him as a good friend.

[Anonymous]

*unless you loves him and want to marry anyways but give him time to sort it out. Its a whole lot to unpack.

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP? do you want kids?

I faced a similar issue in my mid-20s, I dated someone who was undergoing testing for a terminal illness. In the case of my then boyfriend (and now husband) the disease would have killed him slowly over 20+ years and he would have been debilitated for most of that time and needed a lot of care. He ended up not having the disease, but if he had, I would not have stayed with him.

Your situation is different since (for better or for worse) your boyfriend is unlikely to slowly decide over a decade or more. Whether to stay with him depends on so many things -- how you feel about him, your age and whether you want kids, what kind of family support you both have.

Is there a therapist you can talk to to sort some of this through? Also, remember you can support him as a friend even if you don't end up staying together.

[Anonymous]

Only do it if he puts you in the will

[Anonymous]

My grandfather died from this about a year after his terminal diagnosis. My family's response was chaotic and unhealthy. I still haven't recovered and he died in the early 1990s. He couldn't remember any of our names. He couldn't walk. My family was awful because they couldn't accept the terminal diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

My uncle died 6 months to the day after he was diagnosed. He was really incapacitated for 2-3 of those months.

I would support him but if I wanted children / a future partner I’d probably be open to dating others too. What a sad and challenging circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut him loose. You were nuts to talk marriage after only six months!

-1

This is the most unhelpful response.

Ever. 🤦🏼

OP - it is still too early to think about this.
Give it some time and allow both of you adequate time for this sad news to sink in completely.

If the depth of your love for this man runs so deep that you were already talking marriage together then I think it would be unconscionable to leave him just when he finds out he may be dying.

However only YOU know how you feel intrinsically so let that guide you into making the best decision that you will feel comfortable with.

Wishing you both all the best during this sad time. ♥️