my spouse is careless and it drives me crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see why you have to drag it out of him. You are so angry about his mistakes that he does not want to be open with you about them.

My thoughts exactly.

Said the two people who don't get it.

I get it. More than you think. But I also solved it and I know from experience that you can't fix the problem if DH is defensive about the issue. I don't see any answers from the rest of you.

[Anonymous]

What exactly happened? When is he not supposed to put the car into gear?

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if you would still be mad if your DH had come to you and said "I think there's a problem with the gear. I don't want to force it, but I suspect it's a bad problem. We need to take it in right away." I think you would still be angry because it happened on his "watch" and was therefore "his fault" for screwing up the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH was annoyed that our microwave beeped if you didn't take food out right away. So he ripped the sound card out of it. Which, in turn, short-circuited the microwave.

Since the microwave was broken, he thought he could use my food processor to chop up a solid brick of frozen ground beef. So that's broken now too.

I just burst out laughing at your post. I love the last sentence!

I did too. I know it's not funny to you, but wow.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think you should lose sight of the fact that these are just things and your husband is a person with feelings (pride being one of them).

Stuff happens all the time...to everybody. That's why there are ER funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering if you would still be mad if your DH had come to you and said "I think there's a problem with the gear. I don't want to force it, but I suspect it's a bad problem. We need to take it in right away." I think you would still be angry because it happened on his "watch" and was therefore "his fault" for screwing up the car.

I think you are right. When are you NOT supposed to be able to put the car in gear, other than maybe when the brake or clutch is depressed?

And I also agree that her anger creates a problem that the husband is defensive and tries to hide things when he might be able to ask for help once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH was annoyed that our microwave beeped if you didn't take food out right away. So he ripped the sound card out of it. Which, in turn, short-circuited the microwave.

Since the microwave was broken, he thought he could use my food processor to chop up a solid brick of frozen ground beef. So that's broken now too.

I'm sorry, but this is so bad it's funny...

[Anonymous]

Are you all for real? How is a spouse not supposed to get angry at a spouse who chronically costs the family big bucks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering if you would still be mad if your DH had come to you and said "I think there's a problem with the gear. I don't want to force it, but I suspect it's a bad problem. We need to take it in right away." I think you would still be angry because it happened on his "watch" and was therefore "his fault" for screwing up the car.

OP here - this post makes a good point. No - I wouldn't be angry. I LOVE how some folks here make these huge leaps. After the umpteenth time, *of course* you would be angry and frustrated. Unless you are perfect and never get angry - I guess there are more than a few of you out there, huh?

When DH caused a minor fender bender a few months after we got married, or the time he hit a parking post with a BRAND NEW CAR, I was patient. I AM patient now. Of course I am not perfect. When I screw up, the conversation usually starts with something like, "Honey, I screwed up. I did X...."

Shall I go on?

I know accidents happen. I also don't call these things "accidents" based on the information he has given me - which is more than I have given you.

So thanks to those who can sympathize. If anyone has successfully addressed this issue, I would love to hear some ideas. Or maybe some people are just predisposed to this kind of behavior and I just have to live with it...

[Anonymous]

It's a choice, it's always a choice.

[Anonymous]

The only options are to live with it, or to take on additional responsibilities yourself so that he can't screw it up. My husband was late on the bills so many times, always with excuses ("I forget to hit submit" "I DID send it... it must have gotten lost in the mail") that I had to take that over. In addition to the cooking (tired of eating meat on rice with random seasoning thrown in). And the kids' laundry (only I know how to operate the stain spray). And the doctor's appointments (they don't answer the phone when he calls).

[Anonymous]

This is why at my house, when these things happen, one of us says "see! this is why we can't have nice things' since it is a running joke it lightens the mood, because everyone does stupid stuff at one time or another.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, PP.
Reminds me of when Raymond (from the Everybody Loves Raymond show) intentionally does everything wrong just so his wife can think he's useless and has to do it all herself.

There are things DH truly has difficulty with, like picking up after himself and dusting. So once in a blue moon, I teach him all over again how to dust or tidy, and make him do it himself. Just as I always forget how to use formulas on Excel because I hate Excel, and every year he has to teach me again.
Keeping each other on track and not letting our slacker natures got to seed is very important.

[Anonymous]

Meant 11:07 PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh, PPs, I feel for you. I would go berserk if DH was like this.

My DH is the opposite, very obsessive compulsive: if a towel falls on the floor, it HAS to go in the wash right away. He cannot walk in our shoes-off house without his special house shoes, because he still thinks the floor is dirty. We are not allowed to approach the dining table when he cleans it at the end of the day, for fear of - what? getting soap on ourselves? dirt on the table? who knows. Crazy, I tell you.

Any way, OP. No advice just sympathy.

I feel sorry for this person the most