People who spend decades living somewhere they don't love, how do you cope?

[Anonymous]

We are finally moving away. DH retires in January and we are out of here.

[Anonymous]

I hated the DMV when I moved here, but I've grown to appreciate it if not love it. I'd rather save the places I love for vacations and trips. Because I promise you, if I moved there, I'd find something about it to dislike.

[Anonymous]

This is why we have second and third vacation homes in places we love.

[Anonymous]

I hate where I live because of the neighbors. I drive into the garage and close the doors. My only interaction with them is to flip them off if I see them as I drive in and out of the neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is like this, and it is exhausting. He hates the house we have lived in for 20y. It was what we could afford 20y ago and has kept us from being house poor (low mortgage.) Are there things I would change? Yes. But it is a perfectly fine home.

I am someone whose mood, etc. really is affected by my environment (light, etc.) Please respect that if the person you are married to "hates" your home, you need to do something about it. If you can't afford to move, think about some other things you can do to make it more comfortable for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why we have second and third vacation homes in places we love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why we have second and third vacation homes in places we love.

I’m sorry, that must feel so inflexible.

That is why we have a Lazzara LSX 67 blue water yacht. We van go anywhere we want while living at home in luxury.

[Anonymous]

I would not decide that. I personally love moving. Been where we are now for close to 18 years and ready for a change. Idk why people say bloom where you are planted. I don't want to bloom just once. Change is exciting and keeps life fresh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH is like this, and it is exhausting. He hates the house we have lived in for 20y. It was what we could afford 20y ago and has kept us from being house poor (low mortgage.) Are there things I would change? Yes. But it is a perfectly fine home.

OP here. Luckily, I love my house, and I know I would not be able to afford a similar one on the West Coast. In fact, I wouldn't even be able to afford this one at current market prices and interest rates. But I know my spouse is similarly tired of me fantasizing about moving out west.

I think my major complaint is the weather. I dislike the cold.

[Anonymous]

My spouse was born and raised here in NOVA and could never imagine moving, ever. He is happy to just work the same job, live by his parents in mediocracy till the end of his days. I HATE living here. I am counting down till the day our youngest leaves the nest and then I am going to buy a tiny home and travel/live around the US. I've already given up half my life to live somewhere I don't want to be and I can't imagine never leaving to try something new.

[Anonymous]

After living in many places, I’ve come to the conclusion that the geographic location you are in is nowhere near as important as the people you associate with. So, less-than-great area with nice & interesting people is better than wonderful area with dull/unpleasant people.

[Anonymous]

Do you really absolutely have to stay? Can you think of a time even in the more distant future when you could leave? Perhaps even just as a trial run -- like you could commit that after your last kid graduates high school you'll rent out your house and go live on the West Coast for a year.

My DH and I did (and are still doing) something like this and it helps a lot -- it's easier to appreciate the stuff I like about this area when I don't feel like I'm stuck here forever. And as we get closer to the time when we committed to leave I find myself really digging in on the people and places here that I love and are really meaningful to me, and making memories before we leave.

It also really tests how much you REALLY want to leave. When we made this plan and shared it with a handful of family and close friends, I know a couple of them were skeptical we'd go through with it and figured we'd change our minds at the date neared. But we didn't and that was the biggest sign that it was the right decision. As much as I love the museums and certain hiking trails and traditions as well as all our great friends, the overall culture and cost of living as well as the weather are just not my cup of tea and it's time to move on. We've already started putting down roots in our new location (we've done several "trial runs" -- celebrating a few holidays there and doing extended vacation rentals to get to know neighborhoods) and it just feels right. But if our desire to leave had just been a passing phase, I think this process would have cured us of it for sure and then we'd be staying in DC with a newfound sense of appreciation.

So that's my advice: if you find yourself wishing often that you'd like to leave, start making some plans to leave even if they are 10 years in the future. As the date gets closer, your gut will tell you whether you're making the right choice or not. Plus it gives you lots of time to figure out where to go and to even try it out a bit. Maybe you'll fall in love with a new location as we did and every minute you spend there will make you more certain of the move, or maybe it will make you realize that you are better suited to where you currently live than you realized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse was born and raised here in NOVA and could never imagine moving, ever. He is happy to just work the same job, live by his parents in mediocracy till the end of his days. I HATE living here. I am counting down till the day our youngest leaves the nest and then I am going to buy a tiny home and travel/live around the US. I've already given up half my life to live somewhere I don't want to be and I can't imagine never leaving to try something new.

OP here. Are we married to the same guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After living in many places, I’ve come to the conclusion that the geographic location you are in is nowhere near as important as the people you associate with. So, less-than-great area with nice & interesting people is better than wonderful area with dull/unpleasant people.

This is true and it's why I'm finally moving out of DC. It's a terrific city with a lot to offer in the way of culture and the arts, hiking and outdoor activities, plus a good economy and lots of job opportunities. And also the people and the culture are just not for me.