Parents of high performers

[Anonymous]

Post on anonymous supportive environment like DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child that is an elite athlete. I don’t boast or talk about it because it’s not my accomplishment, it’s theirs. Parents that brag about their kids don’t seem to understand that and it shows. You can be proud of your child’s gifts and achievements without bragging about them to others. While people are aware of my child’s success, they don’t talk about it either … they’re humble and it doesn’t define them.

Question for you: how would you answer someone that asks about your kid? How’s Larlo’s swimming going? Now Larlo qualified for some championship, national, Olympics, or whatever. or maybe Larlo is going to swim for Stanford.

Any answer you give will be considered bragging.

How about if your friends don’t ask you at all about Larlo? Would you think they’re being good considerate friends?

"He's working really hard. 6am practices 4 days a week. He's still dropping times but it's hard to keep improving. He had a great meet last week. We're really proud of him. It's been 10years of this, and I had no idea how far he'd take it. But it's always 'what have you done for me lately!', you know? Everyone's already focused on preparing for the next meet."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child that is an elite athlete. I don’t boast or talk about it because it’s not my accomplishment, it’s theirs. Parents that brag about their kids don’t seem to understand that and it shows. You can be proud of your child’s gifts and achievements without bragging about them to others. While people are aware of my child’s success, they don’t talk about it either … they’re humble and it doesn’t define them.

Question for you: how would you answer someone that asks about your kid? How’s Larlo’s swimming going? Now Larlo qualified for some championship, national, Olympics, or whatever. or maybe Larlo is going to swim for Stanford.

Any answer you give will be considered bragging.

How about if your friends don’t ask you at all about Larlo? Would you think they’re being good considerate friends?

"He's working really hard. 6am practices 4 days a week. He's still dropping times but it's hard to keep improving. He had a great meet last week. We're really proud of him. It's been 10years of this, and I had no idea how far he'd take it. But it's always 'what have you done for me lately!', you know? Everyone's already focused on preparing for the next meet."

Or just, "It's going great. He loves to swim. Thanks for asking!"

[Anonymous]

My best friend's son is a very high level swimmer. When she describes his accomplishments, I don't feel like she is bragging because it is true. I can see the results of his meets, and it is amazing. I am super proud of him. I also realize that it takes a lot of work for her to parent him. She is involved in his training and driving all over the place at times that conflict with a normal work schedule, not to mention what the family pays for his training.

On the other hand, every second person I know has a "gifted" child. When I hear about their gifted children, I roll my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child that is an elite athlete. I don’t boast or talk about it because it’s not my accomplishment, it’s theirs. Parents that brag about their kids don’t seem to understand that and it shows. You can be proud of your child’s gifts and achievements without bragging about them to others. While people are aware of my child’s success, they don’t talk about it either … they’re humble and it doesn’t define them.

Question for you: how would you answer someone that asks about your kid? How’s Larlo’s swimming going? Now Larlo qualified for some championship, national, Olympics, or whatever. or maybe Larlo is going to swim for Stanford.

Any answer you give will be considered bragging.

How about if your friends don’t ask you at all about Larlo? Would you think they’re being good considerate friends?

"He's working really hard. 6am practices 4 days a week. He's still dropping times but it's hard to keep improving. He had a great meet last week. We're really proud of him. It's been 10years of this, and I had no idea how far he'd take it. But it's always 'what have you done for me lately!', you know? Everyone's already focused on preparing for the next meet."

If you gave me this long spiel I’d find you a total stuck up.

[Anonymous]

Lol no, there are 100 more interesting things to connect about with others.

[Anonymous]

Please lock this? It's so banal and cringey..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child that is an elite athlete. I don’t boast or talk about it because it’s not my accomplishment, it’s theirs. Parents that brag about their kids don’t seem to understand that and it shows. You can be proud of your child’s gifts and achievements without bragging about them to others. While people are aware of my child’s success, they don’t talk about it either … they’re humble and it doesn’t define them.

Question for you: how would you answer someone that asks about your kid? How’s Larlo’s swimming going? Now Larlo qualified for some championship, national, Olympics, or whatever. or maybe Larlo is going to swim for Stanford.

Any answer you give will be considered bragging.

How about if your friends don’t ask you at all about Larlo? Would you think they’re being good considerate friends?

"He's working really hard. 6am practices 4 days a week. He's still dropping times but it's hard to keep improving. He had a great meet last week. We're really proud of him. It's been 10years of this, and I had no idea how far he'd take it. But it's always 'what have you done for me lately!', you know? Everyone's already focused on preparing for the next meet."

If you gave me this long spiel I’d find you a total stuck up.

If you don't have any friends you talk to, then you don't have to worry about what to say to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My best friend's son is a very high level swimmer. When she describes his accomplishments, I don't feel like she is bragging because it is true. I can see the results of his meets, and it is amazing. I am super proud of him. I also realize that it takes a lot of work for her to parent him. She is involved in his training and driving all over the place at times that conflict with a normal work schedule, not to mention what the family pays for his training.

On the other hand, every second person I know has a "gifted" child. When I hear about their gifted children, I roll my eyes.

She's bragging about how rich they are to be able to compete in an expensive sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend's son is a very high level swimmer. When she describes his accomplishments, I don't feel like she is bragging because it is true. I can see the results of his meets, and it is amazing. I am super proud of him. I also realize that it takes a lot of work for her to parent him. She is involved in his training and driving all over the place at times that conflict with a normal work schedule, not to mention what the family pays for his training.

On the other hand, every second person I know has a "gifted" child. When I hear about their gifted children, I roll my eyes.

She's bragging about how rich they are to be able to compete in an expensive sport.

Op here: you made my point exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You clearly don't have a truly high performing child, or you have the EQ of a 12 year old.

Having a child with a major gift and performance is a big parenting job. And it isn't a bomb to drop at a water cooler about their CV. If your child wins nationals at figure skating, you will have mentioned your commitment to the sport and theirs for a long time. And when it comes you will not feel like that is the thing to talk about. If your child is a prodigy, you will be living a different life.

I have a child who is a true prodigy (doing calculus at 7) but also has a major number of medical and mental health issues. I don't feel the need to talk about this with many of my friends and have had to seek out communities of parents who I can talk to about the unique challenges, and have had to work with people to learn the best ways to support an unusual child, on both sides. I also know people whose children are extraordinary in different ways, but their resumé is not a conversation topic. They are balancing travel, multiple people to work with outside of the usual, long days, keeping their kids supported and loved and living normal fun kids lives, and also parenting other children. They live, day to day, like the rest of us.

Please, find something else to do. Get off this board. If your child truly falls into this category, you have lots of work to do, and if they don't, stop imagining what it would be like if they did. I couldn't start to explain how colossally unfair it is to any child to hope they are something else, let alone something no child ever is.
It takes all kinds in the world, and mostly we all need to be good, competent, empathetic human beings. Grow up, and be a parent to your child who needs you.

I get it. My kid isn't a math head, but she's studying general relativity. We're so lucky that so much advanced material is available for free online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is for any kind of high performance, but I’m mostly referring to academic and athletic high performance.

Do you feel lonely because it sounds like bragging if you share and boast about your child’s achievements?

Most parents boast and brag, but because their kids’ achievements aren’t too extraordinary it just seems like normal conversation, but if you say ‘my Billy got a 1600 on the sat’ or my Suzy got first place in national figure skating, you sound like an obnoxious bragger.

This is why you are supposed to move to Potomac instead of slumming it with the muggles. Here we complain about how stupid and lazy our kids are, not even getting 1600 SAT until 10th gade.

[Anonymous]

Most people are just making small talk. For regular friends and acquaintances, "How's Jake? Is he still swimming" should be met with something generic, along the lines of "He's doing well. He loves to swim, and is still at it" or something like that. No need to go into meets or swim times or whatever. It's like giving the answer to a question like "Hi! How are you?" No one expects you to blurt out all your health problems.

If it's close friends/family that know the child's commitment to a sport or instrument or whatever, it's okay to give more details. "Jake's doing well. He had several personal bests at his last meet, and took gold in a few events".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people are just making small talk. For regular friends and acquaintances, "How's Jake? Is he still swimming" should be met with something generic, along the lines of "He's doing well. He loves to swim, and is still at it" or something like that. No need to go into meets or swim times or whatever. It's like giving the answer to a question like "Hi! How are you?" No one expects you to blurt out all your health problems.

If it's close friends/family that know the child's commitment to a sport or instrument or whatever, it's okay to give more details. "Jake's doing well. He had several personal bests at his last meet, and took gold in a few events".

Exactly. Most people aren’t as interested in or as impressed by your kids as you are. They’re focused on their own. Save the details for the grandparents, etc. that have a genuine interest in your specific child.
My MIL used to show pictures of my kids to her dentist. It was sweet and I’m grateful she cares about my kids, but I’m confident her dentist did not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You clearly don't have a truly high performing child, or you have the EQ of a 12 year old.

Having a child with a major gift and performance is a big parenting job. And it isn't a bomb to drop at a water cooler about their CV. If your child wins nationals at figure skating, you will have mentioned your commitment to the sport and theirs for a long time. And when it comes you will not feel like that is the thing to talk about. If your child is a prodigy, you will be living a different life.

I have a child who is a true prodigy (doing calculus at 7) but also has a major number of medical and mental health issues. I don't feel the need to talk about this with many of my friends and have had to seek out communities of parents who I can talk to about the unique challenges, and have had to work with people to learn the best ways to support an unusual child, on both sides. I also know people whose children are extraordinary in different ways, but their resumé is not a conversation topic. They are balancing travel, multiple people to work with outside of the usual, long days, keeping their kids supported and loved and living normal fun kids lives, and also parenting other children. They live, day to day, like the rest of us.

Please, find something else to do. Get off this board. If your child truly falls into this category, you have lots of work to do, and if they don't, stop imagining what it would be like if they did. I couldn't start to explain how colossally unfair it is to any child to hope they are something else, let alone something no child ever is.
It takes all kinds in the world, and mostly we all need to be good, competent, empathetic human beings. Grow up, and be a parent to your child who needs you.

It is not very kind to say "You clearly don't have a truly high performing child, or you have the EQ of a 12 year old." But anway, to OP, I can see what you said. Join groups on social medias. Facebook has many groups for parents of gifted kids where you can safely ask/talk/brag about your kids's performance and parents who have similar kids will totally understand.