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Parents of high performers
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Anonymous
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This is for any kind of high performance, but I’m mostly referring to academic and athletic high performance.
Do you feel lonely because it sounds like bragging if you share and boast about your child’s achievements? Most parents boast and brag, but because their kids’ achievements aren’t too extraordinary it just seems like normal conversation, but if you say ‘my Billy got a 1600 on the sat’ or my Suzy got first place in national figure skating, you sound like an obnoxious bragger. |
Anonymous
Go to bed. |
Anonymous
| Yes, don’t brag. |
Anonymous
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When I was on crew at TJ in the early 2000s, the women's head coach loved to repeat, "Do your talking on the water."
No need to talk about your children's accomplishments. Let them live their lives. That talks enough. |
Anonymous
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You clearly don't have a truly high performing child, or you have the EQ of a 12 year old.
Having a child with a major gift and performance is a big parenting job. And it isn't a bomb to drop at a water cooler about their CV. If your child wins nationals at figure skating, you will have mentioned your commitment to the sport and theirs for a long time. And when it comes you will not feel like that is the thing to talk about. If your child is a prodigy, you will be living a different life. I have a child who is a true prodigy (doing calculus at 7) but also has a major number of medical and mental health issues. I don't feel the need to talk about this with many of my friends and have had to seek out communities of parents who I can talk to about the unique challenges, and have had to work with people to learn the best ways to support an unusual child, on both sides. I also know people whose children are extraordinary in different ways, but their resumé is not a conversation topic. They are balancing travel, multiple people to work with outside of the usual, long days, keeping their kids supported and loved and living normal fun kids lives, and also parenting other children. They live, day to day, like the rest of us. Please, find something else to do. Get off this board. If your child truly falls into this category, you have lots of work to do, and if they don't, stop imagining what it would be like if they did. I couldn't start to explain how colossally unfair it is to any child to hope they are something else, let alone something no child ever is. It takes all kinds in the world, and mostly we all need to be good, competent, empathetic human beings. Grow up, and be a parent to your child who needs you. |
Anonymous
| I have a child that is an elite athlete. I don’t boast or talk about it because it’s not my accomplishment, it’s theirs. Parents that brag about their kids don’t seem to understand that and it shows. You can be proud of your child’s gifts and achievements without bragging about them to others. While people are aware of my child’s success, they don’t talk about it either … they’re humble and it doesn’t define them. |
Anonymous
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Op here: 8.37, you need help. You have a lot of anxiety pent up in you. Maybe because you are all alone dealing with something that your friends and family can’t understand. Seeking out parents with similar issues does not mean that they fill your cup in terms of friendships. Additionally, being around those parents can be tiresome and unsustainable.
It’s no joke raising a very smart child. It must be even harder raising a prodigy. You say your child’s gifts come with so many health and mental issues. If you could talk to your friends and not be considered a bragger, why are you seeking other parents in similar situations? Because you are lonely. I didn’t claim to have or to want or to dream of a prodigy. The fact that people immediately jump to put someone down when they’re saying something superlative about their child is very telling of what they think but don’t say in person. There is no value for anyone to brag on an anonymous board. It can benefit them to let it off their chest. Almost like a secret that you have to tell someone, but you can’t do it in real life. The reaction is very telling of how jealous people actually feel when others achieve. It’s sad, really! |
Anonymous
Question for you: how would you answer someone that asks about your kid? How’s Larlo’s swimming going? Now Larlo qualified for some championship, national, Olympics, or whatever. or maybe Larlo is going to swim for Stanford. Any answer you give will be considered bragging. How about if your friends don’t ask you at all about Larlo? Would you think they’re being good considerate friends? |
Anonymous
Fair questions. I think there is a difference between a friend or other person asking for information and my providing factual answers vs. my leading with unsolicited announcements about my kid’s latest accomplishment. |
Anonymous
DP. If someone asks, you mention the most recent swim meet results or something. Like - my niece is pretty good at her sport. When I ask my SIL about it, she mentions the most recent tournament and talks about the good and bad. It's not bragging - she asked! The fact that you think it would come off as bragging indicates either: 1) You have really big issues around this area or 2) Your friends aren't actually good friends at all. But I will say realistically that I don't expect friends to really want to know about this stuff that much. It's more of an extended family type conversation for us. That's a great place to find people who are happy for your kid, you know? |
Anonymous
What is the point of this thread? It's common sense not to brag, even kids know this. And if you are asked, then say the truth and stop worrying about what others may think. |
Anonymous
| I have a couple friends who have children who are truly gifted at a high level. For whatever reason, they don't come off as bragging because their kids are at such an elite level that it really is an accomplishment. It isn't like Larla who got on the travel soccer team or Larlo who got into a gifted program at school that lots of other kids get into. |
Anonymous
Great point. What about you meeting with friends and you’re beaming with joy and excitement because of something your kid accomplished. Your friends tell you: oh, you look so happy today! What’s up? Do you say: oh, nothing, just the sun is shining so bright today, or do you say: omg, I’m d so I happy because Geisel got accepted to the Virginia symphony orchestra! It’s not as cut and dry as you think. |
Anonymous
To my family members and close friends that care about me and my children: yes, I’d say “I’m so happy for DS. This thing happened and I’m really proud of him.” I know they would want to know because they care about me/my son and I’m not sharing the information as though they should be impressed. That last thing is key in my opinion. |
Anonymous
| Read the room. You learn enough about your friends and loved one's genuine interest in details. That is gained over time. |