16 DS wants to try alcohol

[Anonymous]

It's not hard to find a lot of information about why teenagers drinking isn't great for them.

https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/underage-drinking

Excerpt below. The footnotes at the end of these statements are citations to studies if you look in the link above.

Increases the risk of alcohol problems later in life. Research shows that people who start drinking before the age of 15 are at a higher risk for developing alcohol use disorder (AUD) later in life. For example, adults ages 26 and older who began drinking before age 15 are 3.5 times more likely to report having AUD in the past year than those who waited until age 21 or later to begin drinking.12
Interferes with brain development. Research shows that people’s brains keep developing well into their 20s. Alcohol can alter this development, potentially affecting both brain structure and function. This may cause cognitive or learning problems as well as may increase vulnerability for AUD, especially when people start drinking at a young age and drink heavily.13,14

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS 16 is a junior. He has a lot of friends and thus, he frequently gets invited to parties. He says there is often alcohol at this parties, sometimes parents serving the drinks. He does not drink (athlete and high-performer at school). But, he mentioned last night he wants to try alcohol, and have a sip or two once in a while at the parties. How would you approach this? We have already discussed the harmful effects of alcohol on teens’ brain, but in his mind, “once a month” would not be bad, and he would not become addicted. Thanks.

Neither of these is a deterrent to him drinking and athletes are usually the biggest social/binge drinkers.

He's highly likely already tried it at the parties and I agree, he's testing the waters to see where you stand on the whole thing. This is great that he's open to even talking to you about it.

It's up to you how hard you want to come down on any level of drinking. I would focus on binge drinking and letting him know if you see any signs of it, there will be consequences. Make sure he NEVER drives his own car or accepts a ride home with anyone. You pick him up or he ubers. If he finds himself in a car, he should always have a seatbelt. He can call you any time and get a ride, no questions asked. I would tell him that underage drinking is illegal and there are various ways he can get himself in trouble by doing it. Walk him through those. And then there are the life and death scenarios. The situation recently in the local news would be a good story to walk through in detail.

Any time his friends are at your home, you should assume they are sneaking alcohol into your house. You are liable if there is underage drinking in your home. Now you know so don't pretend like you don't know.

[Anonymous]

1. He's probably already drinking at the parties.

2. He's ationalizing how much he can drink before it's a problem for him - if you have any sort of substance abuse problem in your family history thisshould be a big red flag for you.

3. While you can't totally control him you really should have a chat with him about what this could mean in terms of the athletic career, getting caught up at the wrong place wrong time etc.

Now for the European problems

1. There is a higher alcoholism/ binge drinking problem among the youth of W. Europe so no you let them drink as teens plan is not fool proof.

2. Your id getting drunk isn't responsible for drinking

3. Getting good grades doesn't mean they don't have an issue with alcohol.

4. Not all teens experiment with alcohol

[Anonymous]

We taught our son about wine, and he had it sometimes with dinner. Also, he was legally allowed to buy/drink wine or beer in our country his senior year of high school, so would often sit outside a cafe with his friends after school and have some beers with their study group. None of them ever came home sick or super drunk, but then drinking wasn't forbidden to them. It wasn't a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not hard to find a lot of information about why teenagers drinking isn't great for them.

https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/underage-drinking

Excerpt below. The footnotes at the end of these statements are citations to studies if you look in the link above.

Increases the risk of alcohol problems later in life. Research shows that people who start drinking before the age of 15 are at a higher risk for developing alcohol use disorder (AUD) later in life. For example, adults ages 26 and older who began drinking before age 15 are 3.5 times more likely to report having AUD in the past year than those who waited until age 21 or later to begin drinking.12
Interferes with brain development. Research shows that people’s brains keep developing well into their 20s. Alcohol can alter this development, potentially affecting both brain structure and function. This may cause cognitive or learning problems as well as may increase vulnerability for AUD, especially when people start drinking at a young age and drink heavily.13,14

That is indeed awfully early and younger than any European country's legal drinking age (and younger than OP's son is). Also, it is crucial to define "start drinking". It seems likely that there is a big difference between regular drinking at a young age, and an occasional glass of wine or beer at a special occasion.

[Anonymous]

This has some good info and specific info about VA laws if you are in VA.

http://ga-sps.org/public/resources/parental-guide-to-hosting-responsible-teen-parties1674105155.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. He's probably already drinking at the parties.

2. He's ationalizing how much he can drink before it's a problem for him - if you have any sort of substance abuse problem in your family history thisshould be a big red flag for you.

3. While you can't totally control him you really should have a chat with him about what this could mean in terms of the athletic career, getting caught up at the wrong place wrong time etc.

Now for the European problems

1. There is a higher alcoholism/ binge drinking problem among the youth of W. Europe so no you let them drink as teens plan is not fool proof.

2. Your id getting drunk isn't responsible for drinking

3. Getting good grades doesn't mean they don't have an issue with alcohol.

4. Not all teens experiment with alcohol

no duh. There is no guarantee of anything.

1. You could tell your kid absolutely not, and they could still do it behind your back and end up as an alcoholic
2. Your kid could go off to college and completely let loose and become an alcoholic, and/or end up hurting themselves, or worse dead.

I know of a kid whose parents are super strict, starting from an early age. They were in Ker with my DC. I witnessed how strict they were.

The Ker teacher even told me that they thought the kid would end up completely going wild once they went away to college.

There are no guarantees when it comes to raising kids. You just try your best to guide them well, and teach them to be responsible, and that includes drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We taught our son about wine, and he had it sometimes with dinner. Also, he was legally allowed to buy/drink wine or beer in our country his senior year of high school, so would often sit outside a cafe with his friends after school and have some beers with their study group. None of them ever came home sick or super drunk, but then drinking wasn't forbidden to them. It wasn't a big deal.

+1 DC's good friend goes to France every summer starting at 15, and stays with family friends.. They drank at 16 while there. I don't know if their parents let them drink at home, though, but they must assume that they drink while in France since it's legal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not hard to find a lot of information about why teenagers drinking isn't great for them.

https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/underage-drinking

Excerpt below. The footnotes at the end of these statements are citations to studies if you look in the link above.

Increases the risk of alcohol problems later in life. Research shows that people who start drinking before the age of 15 are at a higher risk for developing alcohol use disorder (AUD) later in life. For example, adults ages 26 and older who began drinking before age 15 are 3.5 times more likely to report having AUD in the past year than those who waited until age 21 or later to begin drinking.12
Interferes with brain development. Research shows that people’s brains keep developing well into their 20s. Alcohol can alter this development, potentially affecting both brain structure and function. This may cause cognitive or learning problems as well as may increase vulnerability for AUD, especially when people start drinking at a young age and drink heavily.13,14

That is indeed awfully early and younger than any European country's legal drinking age (and younger than OP's son is). Also, it is crucial to define "start drinking". It seems likely that there is a big difference between regular drinking at a young age, and an occasional glass of wine or beer at a special occasion.

I agree occasional drinking of a glass of wine or beer is less of an issue, aside from then you've opened the door and normalized them consuming alcohol in the first place as an underage drinker. The issue is how many of them are doing this vs binge drinking. Teens aren't exactly known for sipping a glass of wine at 7pm watching the sunset and then calling it a night.

[Anonymous]

I wish that instead of crowd sourcing whether or not you should give your 16 year olds sips of alcohol at home, you’d act like an actual parent and stop normalizing your 16 year old going to parties where other parents serve alcohol. JFC!

[Anonymous]

If you have the misfortune of having a kid who is drinking alcohol in high school (and a PP is correct...MOST of them are not doing this...of course if it's your kid's social circle drinking it will feel like this is all very normal and "everyone" is doing it), I would focus on safe behavior surrounding drinking, never allowing it in your own home, and the effects of binge drinking. Don't allow sleepovers and have a reasonable curfew and see them at the end of the evening. Pay attention.

[Anonymous]

I'm also European and plan to introduce alcohol at home. In Europe binge drinking as I've seen here is extremely rare. People "social" drink and one needs to know how to do that classy, instead of always getting black-out drank when having access to alcohol. The way kids here drink at colleges is completely insane.

[Anonymous]

My mom let me have a glass on holidays around this age. Honestly I rarely took her up on it bc let’s be real alcohol doesn’t taste great compared to some martinellis but the fact that it wasn’t some hard ban kind of made the whole alcohol thing less appealing.

Im a realistic parent. Your son doesn’t want to drink with you, he is fishing around to see how you’d react to him drinking at a party. IMO it’s important to be practical in these discussions but not too permissive. You want them to call you when they do get too drunk - bc that’s coming - you don’t want them to think you are okay with it to the point they start drinking with their friends openly without trying to hide it. We do the dance - they make sure they aren’t too drunk that they can’t pretend to be sober - but not so scared of you that they do stupid things like leave their phones at a friends or drink and drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a good idea for kids to sample alcohol at home under parental supervision, and NOT in a party setting, if it's accompanied by education on the short-term and long-term deleterious effects of alcohol. We're French and over there you can drink wine and beer if you're 16. In practice, kids are given sips at home no matter the age at family gatherings. Making alcohol a forbidden fruit concept tends to work against you in the long run.

We rarely drink, and my teens and young adults don't really like the taste of alcohol, but know what it is.

+1. Kids need to be taught how to drink appropriately and told that alcohol comes in many forms and is an acquired taste.

A little bit of champagne or wine at home with a meal can go a long way to helping them make decisions about whether or not to drink and how much.

One of the problems is that kids start with extra fruity drinks or hard seltzer or just drinking based on peer pressure even if they don’t enjoy it. So they have no concept of how much they can actually handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a good idea for kids to sample alcohol at home under parental supervision, and NOT in a party setting, if it's accompanied by education on the short-term and long-term deleterious effects of alcohol. We're French and over there you can drink wine and beer if you're 16. In practice, kids are given sips at home no matter the age at family gatherings. Making alcohol a forbidden fruit concept tends to work against you in the long run.

We rarely drink, and my teens and young adults don't really like the taste of alcohol, but know what it is.

+1. Kids need to be taught how to drink appropriately and told that alcohol comes in many forms and is an acquired taste.

A little bit of champagne or wine at home with a meal can go a long way to helping them make decisions about whether or not to drink and how much.

One of the problems is that kids start with extra fruity drinks or hard seltzer or just drinking based on peer pressure even if they don’t enjoy it. So they have no concept of how much they can actually handle.

This. We let our kids have sips of beer and wine here and there and they hated the taste of it. If you make it a forbidden thing, the more they're going to want it.