Husband wants males friends but isn’t into sports

[Anonymous]

This is weird. Who wines because they never played sports? There are so many other topics to discuss besides sports. He might need a life coach/ therapist to help him get to root of this problem. You won’t be able to solve it.

[Anonymous]

I have no interest in sports but have made some good friends here. There are plenty of people of a more intellectual bent in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is weird. Who wines because they never played sports? There are so many other topics to discuss besides sports. He might need a life coach/ therapist to help him get to root of this problem. You won’t be able to solve it.

Woman here. Recently my work department's leadership has been infiltrated by a group of guys who are heavily invested in being college alumni sports fans.

Now all of our official workplace employee social events are centered around sports themes - wear your gear, fill out your brackets, cupcakes with team color frosting, etc.

I don't have "gear". But now I have to go buy some so I don't look like a "no fun" person.

Drinking and sports are default social activities for men. It is a lowest common denominator in many settings. PP above is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a troll? Your husband isn’t unique. Plenty of men don’t play or have an interest in sports

Not a troll. Agree, plenty don’t but do they fall into a depression and have such low self esteem it impacts the entire family? He blames his inability to connect on never having played sports. I think that’s ridiculous but even after therapy he can’t let go of wanting to bond with the guys in the neighborhood who all hang out playing basketball, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a troll? Your husband isn’t unique. Plenty of men don’t play or have an interest in sports

Not a troll. Agree, plenty don’t but do they fall into a depression and have such low self esteem it impacts the entire family? He blames his inability to connect on never having played sports. I think that’s ridiculous but even after therapy he can’t let go of wanting to bond with the guys in the neighborhood who all hang out playing basketball, etc.

I’m a guy like your husband who has gotten over not having close male friends. Like basically nobody for thirty years. I recognized that the problem isnt that I can’t connect over sports, it’s that I don’t have any hobbies or interests to share. Now I’m at peace with the situation. Maybe your guy is in the same situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Claims he doesn’t fit in with any of the dads we frequently interact with at our kids games. Since he never played sports, he seems to believe he will never have close male friends. This is causing all sorts of self esteem issues and I’m not sure how best to support him.

Real men don't watch much sports at all. They hunt, fish, exercise, do repairs, work on cars, build things, drink, etc. So he should try doing the manly things to make male friends.
Sitting around watching grown men play children's games while wearing tights and playing grab-butt chasing balls, that's not manly at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Claims he doesn’t fit in with any of the dads we frequently interact with at our kids games. Since he never played sports, he seems to believe he will never have close male friends. This is causing all sorts of self esteem issues and I’m not sure how best to support him.

Why is it your responsibility to support him in this.

[Anonymous]

If he's having self esteem issues, therapy would probably be a good move.

If he just needs encouragement to get out there and try something, encourage him to join a hobby club or service club. All my DH's friends are from wargaming or church, specifically church sub-groups that do food kitchen type stuff. Some of our church friends are in Elks or similar groups, or in a chorus or a band. FIL is in a men's hiking group. My boss is a birder. Somebody else fosters rescue dogs and spends significant time at those events. And so on.

[Anonymous]

I am a woman but I've been invited to many triva or D&D groups. They are full of men of all types (not just your D&D stereotype). No sports. You don't even need to play particularly well just be interested.

[Anonymous]

A lot of DHs are loners whether their DWs admit or not. I don't know why but a lot of men simply give up on keeping or making new friends once married. It is as if once they have a wife suddenly their life is totally different.

[Anonymous]

If he wants to be friends with the neighborhood dads who bond over sports, then he has to suck it up and start watching sports.

If he can't do that, then he needs to find other interests and become friends with other people.

I don't love sports, and never played any, but once I understand any particular sport, I can appreciate it for the qualities it involves.

If he can intellectually get into a sport, then buy a big TV and have a sports party and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of DHs are loners whether their DWs admit or not. I don't know why but a lot of men simply give up on keeping or making new friends once married. It is as if once they have a wife suddenly their life is totally different.

Men tend to need a sense of practical purpose in their activities, not pure socialization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is weird. Who wines because they never played sports? There are so many other topics to discuss besides sports. He might need a life coach/ therapist to help him get to root of this problem. You won’t be able to solve it.

Most men beer instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no interest in sports but have made some good friends here. There are plenty of people of a more intellectual bent in DC.

Huh?

What kind of contrast are you trying to draw?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is weird. Who wines because they never played sports? There are so many other topics to discuss besides sports. He might need a life coach/ therapist to help him get to root of this problem. You won’t be able to solve it.

Woman here. Recently my work department's leadership has been infiltrated by a group of guys who are heavily invested in being college alumni sports fans.

Now all of our official workplace employee social events are centered around sports themes - wear your gear, fill out your brackets, cupcakes with team color frosting, etc.

I don't have "gear". But now I have to go buy some so I don't look like a "no fun" person.

Drinking and sports are default social activities for men. It is a lowest common denominator in many settings. PP above is wrong.

Do you work at a preschool?