Husband wants males friends but isn’t into sports

[Anonymous]

Claims he doesn’t fit in with any of the dads we frequently interact with at our kids games. Since he never played sports, he seems to believe he will never have close male friends. This is causing all sorts of self esteem issues and I’m not sure how best to support him.

[Anonymous]

First, don't feel like you have to wedge yourself in with parents of kid friends. Once I stopped doing that I was much happier.

Second, he can get guy friends over other interests- Brewing, cars, books, DnD, animals, self defense or karate, etc. He should follow his own interests.

[Anonymous]

Sports and kids are not the only way to make friends. Surely he has other interests--people I know have friends music, history, board games,. food, cars, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Claims he doesn’t fit in with any of the dads we frequently interact with at our kids games. Since he never played sports, he seems to believe he will never have close male friends. This is causing all sorts of self esteem issues and I’m not sure how best to support him.

What is his profession? Professional/civic club?

What about joining a charitable org? A lot of those 1950s clubs like the Elks are eager for members.

School district committee that takes parent reps?

Local alumni org?

Online friends - moderate a website or forum?

Scouts?

Robotics/First Lego League?

My husband loves music. He volunteers for the non-profit youth symphony that our kid plays in.

[Anonymous]

My husband also doesn’t play or follow sports, real estate, or investing. It makes small talk with other straight suburban dads tough.

Friendships have come though! The sports dads have other sides to them (one loves soccer but also video games, for example), so keep at it. For my DH, it was a self esteem thing from high school the the jocks wouldn’t be friends too the nerds. Turns out, at least adults, some will!

[Anonymous]

My DH isn’t a big sports person and has plenty of friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH isn’t a big sports person and has plenty of friends.

Same. He will watch a game here and there and could possibly carry a short conversation about a couple teams, but he's not forming any friendships based on sports.

[Anonymous]

My friend's husband (who is very athletic, and has friends from his team) has a weekly DnD game going on with like-minded friends. My teen and young adult son and daughter also made friends playing DnD.

Your husband needs to figure out what hobbies he wants and go join a group for it.

[Anonymous]

All good points. I’m not sure why he is so stuck on being friends with the neighborhood dads except there is a large group that does a lot together and he feels left out.

I like the volunteering idea and will encourage him to look to volunteering. Similar to a PP, I think this is leftover from HS rejection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Claims he doesn’t fit in with any of the dads we frequently interact with at our kids games. Since he never played sports, he seems to believe he will never have close male friends. This is causing all sorts of self esteem issues and I’m not sure how best to support him.

He needs to find male friends other ways.
You can only do so much. Sure try to find fun couples to hang out with but now that he’s married with kids he needs to step up and role model healthy relationships, socializing, friend stuff.

[Anonymous]

Is this a troll? Your husband isn’t unique. Plenty of men don’t play or have an interest in sports

[Anonymous]

I have the same issue as your husband. I even like sports but not nearly as much as the other dads who volunteer with my son's football team. I used to go to bar trivia with a great group of guys but ever since the pandemic began I've accepted that all my friendships would be online.

[Anonymous]

Wellt his isn't really your problem to fix or support.


He can make friends with guys who share his interests. I'm assuming he actually has interest and isn't just whining.


He can try to get to know the other guys in the group and maybe learn something new instead of whining about how he's so different

Really I don't think he actually wants a different set of friends or to wish he could for on with the neighbor guys I think he's manipulating you into not having to go to these gatherings because he doesn't fit in.

[Anonymous]

Guy here and I'll what might be a counterpoint. I get along with the other dads and make small talk when we are together for kids events but I wouldn't call them friends. I have some friends from when I was growing up that I see maybe once every 3-4 months. To be completely honest with all the work involved with raising our young children I don't have the time for making new friends. Maybe when the kids are older or out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH isn’t a big sports person and has plenty of friends.

+1

Drop the crutch that sports are the only way to make friends. That’s false.