Family wedding in Europe (not a destination wedding)

[Anonymous]

+1 to leaving kid with the other parent if there is one.

[Anonymous]

Do whatever you want. Seriously. If it stresses you too much to go, say no. And if you do want to go, pulling out of ES isn’t a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do whatever you want. Seriously. If it stresses you too much to go, say no. And if you do want to go, pulling out of ES isn’t a big deal.

+1 just do what you feel like. I would 100% take my kids out of school for this because a trip like this would be a big deal for my family and an amazing memory with grandparents, cousins, whoever. But that may not be the case with you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you don’t want to go, and you think it wouldn’t be good for your kid to pull them out, so don’t go.

I’d go in a heartbeat, but we don’t travel much as a family and have never done a trip this big so it would be a good excuse. Do what you want! Don’t feel guilty if you can’t go - it’s a huge trip.

[Anonymous]

If my child wouldn’t adjust well I’d seriously question going. Also right after a break is a busy time in school so that would factor into my decision. How well my child is doing in school would matter - it’s a transition time from learning to read to reading to learn and if my child was struggling, that would be a factor. Finally whether I wanted to go and had the money would factor.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like YOU don't want to go. I would definitely go, but my kid adjusts to time changes easier than all of us, and we have family oversees so travel often.

[Anonymous]

Look, if this is close family, even a cousin, I'd go. Family is important. Europe is fun to go, the child need to learn to be adaptable. The only downside is you have to do some heavy lifting in childcare, it's not like your child is handicapped though.

Don't come back to the states and immediately send kid to school. Keep him/her at home for a few days to adjust to jet lag. Mid-elementary is not academically rigorous. They usually don't schedule important tests around school breaks, academically it should be fine to miss one week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A family member who lives in Europe has a wedding scheduled for a week after a school break. By this, I mean that the break happens, kid is supposed to be back in school for a week, and then the wedding is the following weekend.

My kid is in mid-elementary school and not the easiest going child out there. I’m getting a lot of family pressure to go to the wedding, but it just feels like it will be a disaster because I don’t want to take my kid out of school long enough for them to get used to the time change. I’m getting a lot of pressure from my parents to go, but they want to turn it into a family vacation despite the fact that I’m not really interested in taking my kid out of school for an entire week after their break.

WWYD? Take the kid out of school for multiple days after break or not go at all?

As a fellow person with family in the Old Country who can be a little, ahem, ignorant of the lack of vacation days in the US, let me tell you the tale of two weddings:

Larlatte scheduled a wedding at a time convenient for everyone and actually asked family members about dates. We went, it was great, amazing turn-out, Larlatte and spouse are still close, the cousins they produced are close to our kids, etc.

Larlo, on the other hand, scheduled their wedding without consulting anyone about the date, in a remote village, when we had a five month old baby, the weekend before april 15 when we're both accountants.* We declined the invite to that wedding and the end result has been Larlo talks s*& about us any chance they can get, saying we don't care about family. But when they came to the US on vacation, they didn't even bother to tell us, and when we offered to meet up with them (traveling up to NYC from DC) they declined saying they had too many activities planned like one of those "dangle your foot over the edge of the helicopter for the 'Gram" tours" and couldn't bother to meet for a coffee.

The moral of the story is, do what is best for your family, if they are normal, nice ppl, like Larlette, they wont' care and if they aren't normal( a real Larlo), well good to know that now.

*details changed to protect privacy, don't come at me accountants and tell me april 15 is a meaningless date in the world of professional tax-doing, the imp. thing was it was an extremely difficult time to get off work and< i mean, our baby was 5 months old!!

[Anonymous]

OP, reread your post. You answered your own question. You are already in the don't go camp, which is the most justifiable camp to be in under the circumstances you described.

Give your firm no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are an adult with a child. Don’t let your parents bully you into attending a far away wedding. Be firm and end the discussion.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our family in Europe didn’t come to our wedding, and none of them even had small children . Is the wedding in Italy, by chance? Next year is a year of Jubilee in the Catholic Church. You can use the excuse that plane tickets are more expensive than usual.

Or.... you could just tell them the truth instead of lying to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, if this is close family, even a cousin, I'd go. Family is important. Europe is fun to go, the child need to learn to be adaptable. The only downside is you have to do some heavy lifting in childcare, it's not like your child is handicapped though.

Don't come back to the states and immediately send kid to school. Keep him/her at home for a few days to adjust to jet lag. Mid-elementary is not academically rigorous. They usually don't schedule important tests around school breaks, academically it should be fine to miss one week.

If I'm understanding correctly, it sounds like OP would already have the kid out for a week to attend the wedding, so keeping them out a few days on top of that is not practical, IMO.

OP, I agree to do what YOU want to do. If it were me, I'd only pull my kid out of school like this for a close family member (sibling). For a cousin, I would probably go on my own and leave kids home with DH. We are actually living in Europe temporarily and will likely have the reverse situation next year as my cousin is getting married in the US. But it will be during the school year and we've already planned our annual trip back to coincide with a different event, so parent pressure or not, it will likely just be me flying back to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, if this is close family, even a cousin, I'd go. Family is important. Europe is fun to go, the child need to learn to be adaptable. The only downside is you have to do some heavy lifting in childcare, it's not like your child is handicapped though.

Don't come back to the states and immediately send kid to school. Keep him/her at home for a few days to adjust to jet lag. Mid-elementary is not academically rigorous. They usually don't schedule important tests around school breaks, academically it should be fine to miss one week.

If I'm understanding correctly, it sounds like OP would already have the kid out for a week to attend the wedding, so keeping them out a few days on top of that is not practical, IMO.

OP, I agree to do what YOU want to do. If it were me, I'd only pull my kid out of school like this for a close family member (sibling). For a cousin, I would probably go on my own and leave kids home with DH. We are actually living in Europe temporarily and will likely have the reverse situation next year as my cousin is getting married in the US. But it will be during the school year and we've already planned our annual trip back to coincide with a different event, so parent pressure or not, it will likely just be me flying back to attend.

This is a good point and one I don't think OP has considered. If the wedding is on a Friday or Saturday and you're flying home Sunday, DC is unlikely to be able to go to school as soon as you get back. My DCs don't have any issue adjusting to different time zones going somewhere, but it takes a few days once we get home, somebody gets sick, etc.

I never had an issue taking my kids out of school for a few days, but OP should only do this if she's okay with it being more like a week and a half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you go alone and leave child in school and at home with other parent?

This. Or don’t go. You can always say that you can’t take the time off if you work.

Europeans get lots more vacation from work than we do. Skip and remind them that Americans do not get as much time off. Or one parent stays home with DC and other parent goes.

[Anonymous]

We got married in Quebec (barely outside the U.S.) and not one cousin came and only a couple of aunts came. If your sibling isn't getting married, just don't go.