Shaming vs coaching
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Anonymous
IF she is 11 these kinds of comments are the ones you elevate over the coach. Do it. You are already comfortable with her moving back to her team but if parents dont flag egregious/ anti-safe sport behavior, no one will, |
Anonymous
Tough coaching at 11 years old is not necessarily a bad thing. But what this coach said was not "tough coaching" it was just bullying and berating. Unfortunately, we are seeing more and more of that and it generally seems to be starting at U11. |
Anonymous
| bring this to the bethesda thread and learn how common and normalized these exact situations are not just a practice but in games too |
Anonymous
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Rec coach here- Totally agree with others that this coach’s behavior is totally inappropriate. Sounds like there are two viable options for your daughter: The other tier and the town team.
My personal story is that I started coaching my daughter’s rec team when she was 10. The team has always been comprised of a mix of skill and competitiveness, but we value everyone and continue to develop as individuals and a team. Some girls I coached have gone on to play in elite travel teams or have made it on their HS varsity team as freshmen. Others just prefer to play rec while also pursuing other interests. The point I am trying to make is that, given your daughter’s interest and dedication to the sport, I think she could continue to develop even if she is not playing for the most elite team that will accept her, especially if that elite team has a coach who denigrates his players. |
Anonymous
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Op here. My DH and I reached out after practice last Thursday and scheduled a call with the coach - we spoke with him today.
It’s hard to explain but our DD basically advanced 3 levels - her team last year was playing a league lower (moved up this year and they are getting crushed in their games) so her team (“premier”) is like two levels already. Then they have all their practices with the NPL team and scrimmages at practices are premier vs NPL so she’s basically defending against another level higher. They also mix players for games. (I’m not in DMV so feel okay sharing details.) The coach basically said he forgets that she’s the only player who is new / has made that big jump and that he’s “hard on her” because he sees her potential to continue to progress rapidly and - because she progressed so much in the past - expects a lot. He said that what he would *like* her to see is that her team is more consistent in their execution of skills and has pointed out things on other practice fields / her old team as a point of comparison but said “I can see how I’m making this point the wrong way and how I’m being too hard on her.” We said we understand - given competitive games - if she gets less playing time and also that she is very receptive to actionable feedback but needs some positivity. He had a lot of positive things to say about her and noted if he didn’t feel happy about her dedication and ability he wouldn’t be playing her in the starting line-up. We asked him why he had her sit out at practice after a mistake and told her she didn’t belong on the team. He said that it was “I get it, you’re not quite at this caliber yet and don’t understand the drill. Why don’t you sit out and watch a few rounds and join when you better understand it.” We are skeptical and DD says none of this was communicated - it was just “you don’t belong on this team, go sit down” but we didn’t push it. The discussion was a starting point and we’ll see if things improve. The coach said he really appreciates having our DD on the team - especially demonstrating work ethic - and that he’s going to try to be a bit more mindful going forward that she’s the only new player (one other player is kind of new but has been on the team in the past, moved down, and is back). He said he would talk to her at the next practice about the reasons she DOES belong and why he selected her for the team. We’ll see… |
Anonymous
| Op again - they also had a sub coach for the game this weekend. I wasn’t there but DD said all the girls seemed to be more relaxed / communicating better, and it’s their first game this season that they won. My DD said each time she wasn’t playing the coach gave her very specific feedback and that made her really happy. |
Anonymous
Sounds like you've made some progress. And frankly, let's hope your DD gets that Sub Coach again. |
Anonymous
+1 It’s so important that kids are uplifted and not demoralized at this age. It’s why so many girls quit by 12 years old. |
Anonymous
| This sounds like a coach my DS had. He would lie to your face about what he said to the kids. He was eventually removed by the club but it took 1.5 years. It was really bad. People like this 1. will not change 2. will lie to your face 3. will retaliate against your kid. You should raise it above his pay grade if it happens again (which it will - and/or your kid will be sitting more or not promoted) but expect some short term retaliation for your kid if he has any influence in the club. |