Shaming vs coaching

[Anonymous]

Our 11 yr old DD has a coach who does a decent job at practices coaching (although he’s a bit gruff) but at the first game of the season he was just rude. My DD is new to the team (moved up) and when she whiffed a tackle he pulled her from the game and apparently told her she didn’t belong on the team. It was her first game with this team, not the highest level in our club, and not a club in our area that sends kids on to get play DIV I college. She’s very dedicated to the team and sport. She handled it fine (“I listen when he’s constructive and ignore it when he isn’t”) but that kind of response doesn’t seem productive at all. My husband was noticing the kids all smile and support each other when they’re warming up early and all chatter and smiles stop when the coach arrives at practice. Yesterday a girl sprained her ankle and the parents are having her play today because the coach values that kind of “dedication”. Is this experience typical as you promote? I don’t want her to feel pressure to play through injuries or to stop loving the game. We’ll see how it goes, and she’s fine now, but if she stops liking it I think the options are to be moved back down a level (if she’s not demoted by the club) or quit the club and play town soccer. I find it telling that their are 7 girls a level down who played one season with this coach and requested to move down!

[Anonymous]

I would have a direct conversation with the coach (away from the kids) and maybe another coach as part of the conversation. Let him know he's seen. Be respectful but firm. Especially if this isn't a top tier club, Sounds like an all important hot head with dreams of grandeur.

If that doesn't work. Get his ass kicked in the parking lot. I kid. I kid. kinda.

[Anonymous]

My DC who plays on a top team has a coach that some parents think is too harsh in his delivery. Maybe the delivery would still be the same but DC coach would say something to the effect that you belong on this team so play like it. Still harsh but framed a bit differently.

That said, at the level your DC is playing, pull her out. A coach that talks like this doesn’t want your kid on the team. They would never say something like that to their top players.

[Anonymous]

He's more into winning than developing. Developing includes developing a love oft the game. Which will keep kids playing for their whole life. Asking a kid to play with a hurt ankle is a big no-no and a Safe Sport Bulling violation.

Report that here:
https://uscenterforsafesport.org/report-a-concern/

Everything you have mentioned is alarming. Also, report it to the club director and CC the tech director. Kid should not have to play under those conditions.

[Anonymous]

If he told her she shouldn't be part of the team after a mistake in her first game (or at anytime really), RUN, don't walk, RUN to another team/coach.

That's ridiculous, especially at that age. As a coach I'm disgusted by that type of behavior. Get her guest training with other teams in the club if possible and start researching your options. Talk to the club about your observations, but in my experience people like that rarely change.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I’m not in the DMV so will give details. There are 4 levels of teams - NPL, and then what I’ll call 1,2, and 3. She’s on “1” this year, but NPL and 1 practice together snd guest-play at each other’s games as needed. My DD has guest played in a tournament this season with “2” (i.e her old team) but that was her first game with her new team. Last year she was invited to extra practices with the NPL-1 group and went regularly so she knows the girls and the coach but hadn’t played a game with them before.

My DD played much better today but said the coach was still being a jerk to her and others. He apparently told the only other new girl that she also didn’t belong on the team. (Presumably he was involved in picking them for the team.)

My DD wants to figure this out for herself for now, but I did talk to a parent (who used to be the parent rep) who said that this coach has this reputation and tends to be responsive to meetings. I have suggested to my DD that either my DH and I or all 3 of us could request a meeting with the coach. I don’t want to talk to her coach without her permission to do so.

He tells the girls to demonstrate confidence but that’s hard to do if pulled after a mistake. The parent I spoke to said they told the coach that their DD likes the opportunity to recover / learn from mistakes which she can’t do if she’s pulled immediately and he listened.

My DD and DH (who watch the practices) say that there’s a bit of a sense of “here are my NPP girls and here’s everyone else” so it’s two bad that team feels like second fiddle.

The injured girl played for her NPL team and for the level 1 team today. Her mom said she really wanted to play. I was pretty appalled when the coach yelled at her for not having her “usual energy”. My DD seems happy enough to be playing and is able to shake things off so far. Thanks for the feedback - we’ll definitely watch it closely and I hope meet with the coach sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 11 yr old DD has a coach who does a decent job at practices coaching (although he’s a bit gruff) but at the first game of the season he was just rude. My DD is new to the team (moved up) and when she whiffed a tackle he pulled her from the game and apparently told her she didn’t belong on the team. It was her first game with this team, not the highest level in our club, and not a club in our area that sends kids on to get play DIV I college. She’s very dedicated to the team and sport. She handled it fine (“I listen when he’s constructive and ignore it when he isn’t”) but that kind of response doesn’t seem productive at all. My husband was noticing the kids all smile and support each other when they’re warming up early and all chatter and smiles stop when the coach arrives at practice. Yesterday a girl sprained her ankle and the parents are having her play today because the coach values that kind of “dedication”. Is this experience typical as you promote? I don’t want her to feel pressure to play through injuries or to stop loving the game. We’ll see how it goes, and she’s fine now, but if she stops liking it I think the options are to be moved back down a level (if she’s not demoted by the club) or quit the club and play town soccer. I find it telling that their are 7 girls a level down who played one season with this coach and requested to move down!

Leave for a club that offers good competition and MOSTLY, good coaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 11 yr old DD has a coach who does a decent job at practices coaching (although he’s a bit gruff) but at the first game of the season he was just rude. My DD is new to the team (moved up) and when she whiffed a tackle he pulled her from the game and apparently told her she didn’t belong on the team. It was her first game with this team, not the highest level in our club, and not a club in our area that sends kids on to get play DIV I college. She’s very dedicated to the team and sport. She handled it fine (“I listen when he’s constructive and ignore it when he isn’t”) but that kind of response doesn’t seem productive at all. My husband was noticing the kids all smile and support each other when they’re warming up early and all chatter and smiles stop when the coach arrives at practice. Yesterday a girl sprained her ankle and the parents are having her play today because the coach values that kind of “dedication”. Is this experience typical as you promote? I don’t want her to feel pressure to play through injuries or to stop loving the game. We’ll see how it goes, and she’s fine now, but if she stops liking it I think the options are to be moved back down a level (if she’s not demoted by the club) or quit the club and play town soccer. I find it telling that their are 7 girls a level down who played one season with this coach and requested to move down!

It doesn't sound like a great environment and since it isn't top level, it may just be best to move on and find something new. It's all about the long-term goals for your child playing in the sport. I would add a couple of things to chew on though:

1) He may have been having a really bad day when he said that to your kid...not excusing it but maybe he needs another chance
2) Some people value being gruff...doesn't bother me at all
3) Maybe the parents of the injured girl are wrong on what they think the coach values?
4) Finally, I would hate it if my kids coaches allowed chatting and smiling/laughing during practice so I personally would appreciate the coach making practices serious. It's what I'm paying for...not hang out time with your friends.

I obviously don't know the specifics of your situation, but those are some counter points after reading through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 11 yr old DD has a coach who does a decent job at practices coaching (although he’s a bit gruff) but at the first game of the season he was just rude. My DD is new to the team (moved up) and when she whiffed a tackle he pulled her from the game and apparently told her she didn’t belong on the team. It was her first game with this team, not the highest level in our club, and not a club in our area that sends kids on to get play DIV I college. She’s very dedicated to the team and sport. She handled it fine (“I listen when he’s constructive and ignore it when he isn’t”) but that kind of response doesn’t seem productive at all. My husband was noticing the kids all smile and support each other when they’re warming up early and all chatter and smiles stop when the coach arrives at practice. Yesterday a girl sprained her ankle and the parents are having her play today because the coach values that kind of “dedication”. Is this experience typical as you promote? I don’t want her to feel pressure to play through injuries or to stop loving the game. We’ll see how it goes, and she’s fine now, but if she stops liking it I think the options are to be moved back down a level (if she’s not demoted by the club) or quit the club and play town soccer. I find it telling that their are 7 girls a level down who played one season with this coach and requested to move down!

It doesn't sound like a great environment and since it isn't top level, it may just be best to move on and find something new. It's all about the long-term goals for your child playing in the sport. I would add a couple of things to chew on though:

1) He may have been having a really bad day when he said that to your kid...not excusing it but maybe he needs another chance
2) Some people value being gruff...doesn't bother me at all
3) Maybe the parents of the injured girl are wrong on what they think the coach values?
4) Finally, I would hate it if my kids coaches allowed chatting and smiling/laughing during practice so I personally would appreciate the coach making practices serious. It's what I'm paying for...not hang out time with your friends.

I obviously don't know the specifics of your situation, but those are some counter points after reading through.

.

You have no clue what you're talking about in 4. Both can be done at the same time and should be part of each practice. You want kids to love being there and not being forced by a parent.

On number 1 bad day or not, it's not excusable. Coach is being paid to provide a professional environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 11 yr old DD has a coach who does a decent job at practices coaching (although he’s a bit gruff) but at the first game of the season he was just rude. My DD is new to the team (moved up) and when she whiffed a tackle he pulled her from the game and apparently told her she didn’t belong on the team. It was her first game with this team, not the highest level in our club, and not a club in our area that sends kids on to get play DIV I college. She’s very dedicated to the team and sport. She handled it fine (“I listen when he’s constructive and ignore it when he isn’t”) but that kind of response doesn’t seem productive at all. My husband was noticing the kids all smile and support each other when they’re warming up early and all chatter and smiles stop when the coach arrives at practice. Yesterday a girl sprained her ankle and the parents are having her play today because the coach values that kind of “dedication”. Is this experience typical as you promote? I don’t want her to feel pressure to play through injuries or to stop loving the game. We’ll see how it goes, and she’s fine now, but if she stops liking it I think the options are to be moved back down a level (if she’s not demoted by the club) or quit the club and play town soccer. I find it telling that their are 7 girls a level down who played one season with this coach and requested to move down!

It doesn't sound like a great environment and since it isn't top level, it may just be best to move on and find something new. It's all about the long-term goals for your child playing in the sport. I would add a couple of things to chew on though:

1) He may have been having a really bad day when he said that to your kid...not excusing it but maybe he needs another chance
2) Some people value being gruff...doesn't bother me at all
3) Maybe the parents of the injured girl are wrong on what they think the coach values?
4) Finally, I would hate it if my kids coaches allowed chatting and smiling/laughing during practice so I personally would appreciate the coach making practices serious. It's what I'm paying for...not hang out time with your friends.

I obviously don't know the specifics of your situation, but those are some counter points after reading through.

.

You have no clue what you're talking about in 4. Both can be done at the same time and should be part of each practice. You want kids to love being there and not being forced by a parent.

On number 1 bad day or not, it's not excusable. Coach is being paid to provide a professional environment.

Haha...I love this place because of the outrageous claims people make because they are anonymous. I have no idea what I'm talking about on what I want?

My sons are completely obsessed with soccer, and it is their love and passion. When they get to practice they are locked in because that is how we approach sports in our house. It's how they achieve their goals. This is what they want from their coach at the top level...hard and intense training because they want to get better. They get pissed whenever their practices are weak or "light-hearted". They are there to compete. I will leave the cluelessness to you and those who "just want the kids to have a positive experience". The YMCA offers that for thousands of dollars less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 11 yr old DD has a coach who does a decent job at practices coaching (although he’s a bit gruff) but at the first game of the season he was just rude. My DD is new to the team (moved up) and when she whiffed a tackle he pulled her from the game and apparently told her she didn’t belong on the team. It was her first game with this team, not the highest level in our club, and not a club in our area that sends kids on to get play DIV I college. She’s very dedicated to the team and sport. She handled it fine (“I listen when he’s constructive and ignore it when he isn’t”) but that kind of response doesn’t seem productive at all. My husband was noticing the kids all smile and support each other when they’re warming up early and all chatter and smiles stop when the coach arrives at practice. Yesterday a girl sprained her ankle and the parents are having her play today because the coach values that kind of “dedication”. Is this experience typical as you promote? I don’t want her to feel pressure to play through injuries or to stop loving the game. We’ll see how it goes, and she’s fine now, but if she stops liking it I think the options are to be moved back down a level (if she’s not demoted by the club) or quit the club and play town soccer. I find it telling that their are 7 girls a level down who played one season with this coach and requested to move down!

It doesn't sound like a great environment and since it isn't top level, it may just be best to move on and find something new. It's all about the long-term goals for your child playing in the sport. I would add a couple of things to chew on though:

1) He may have been having a really bad day when he said that to your kid...not excusing it but maybe he needs another chance
2) Some people value being gruff...doesn't bother me at all
3) Maybe the parents of the injured girl are wrong on what they think the coach values?
4) Finally, I would hate it if my kids coaches allowed chatting and smiling/laughing during practice so I personally would appreciate the coach making practices serious. It's what I'm paying for...not hang out time with your friends.

I obviously don't know the specifics of your situation, but those are some counter points after reading through.

.

You have no clue what you're talking about in 4. Both can be done at the same time and should be part of each practice. You want kids to love being there and not being forced by a parent.

On number 1 bad day or not, it's not excusable. Coach is being paid to provide a professional environment.

Haha...I love this place because of the outrageous claims people make because they are anonymous. I have no idea what I'm talking about on what I want?

My sons are completely obsessed with soccer, and it is their love and passion. When they get to practice they are locked in because that is how we approach sports in our house. It's how they achieve their goals. This is what they want from their coach at the top level...hard and intense training because they want to get better. They get pissed whenever their practices are weak or "light-hearted". They are there to compete. I will leave the cluelessness to you and those who "just want the kids to have a positive experience". The YMCA offers that for thousands of dollars less.

"my children are my employees"

Summed it up for ya.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 11 yr old DD has a coach who does a decent job at practices coaching (although he’s a bit gruff) but at the first game of the season he was just rude. My DD is new to the team (moved up) and when she whiffed a tackle he pulled her from the game and apparently told her she didn’t belong on the team. It was her first game with this team, not the highest level in our club, and not a club in our area that sends kids on to get play DIV I college. She’s very dedicated to the team and sport. She handled it fine (“I listen when he’s constructive and ignore it when he isn’t”) but that kind of response doesn’t seem productive at all. My husband was noticing the kids all smile and support each other when they’re warming up early and all chatter and smiles stop when the coach arrives at practice. Yesterday a girl sprained her ankle and the parents are having her play today because the coach values that kind of “dedication”. Is this experience typical as you promote? I don’t want her to feel pressure to play through injuries or to stop loving the game. We’ll see how it goes, and she’s fine now, but if she stops liking it I think the options are to be moved back down a level (if she’s not demoted by the club) or quit the club and play town soccer. I find it telling that their are 7 girls a level down who played one season with this coach and requested to move down!

F this clown. Find another club and don't look back.

[Anonymous]

Op here -
At practice tonight when she made a mistake he told her “you don’t get the game”; “you don’t belong on this team” and told her to go sit-out / go home.

This is a child who will spend hours on her own each week (outside of the 4.5 hrs of practice she already attends) practicing a skill if she’s given tips for improvement. We’re going to email the coach and request a meeting for Monday. I don’t know how realistic it is to find another club in the area so I think our choices are to move down and / or quit the club and switch to town soccer. It’s so sad watching a grown-as* adult treat a dedicated, hard-working child this way.

[Anonymous]

Op again - on the bright side, I ran into some parents from the prior team / a level down. They said the team is really suffering from bit having my DD as a central back anymore and they could really use her. So she’d be welcomed back I think!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 11 yr old DD has a coach who does a decent job at practices coaching (although he’s a bit gruff) but at the first game of the season he was just rude. My DD is new to the team (moved up) and when she whiffed a tackle he pulled her from the game and apparently told her she didn’t belong on the team. It was her first game with this team, not the highest level in our club, and not a club in our area that sends kids on to get play DIV I college. She’s very dedicated to the team and sport. She handled it fine (“I listen when he’s constructive and ignore it when he isn’t”) but that kind of response doesn’t seem productive at all. My husband was noticing the kids all smile and support each other when they’re warming up early and all chatter and smiles stop when the coach arrives at practice. Yesterday a girl sprained her ankle and the parents are having her play today because the coach values that kind of “dedication”. Is this experience typical as you promote? I don’t want her to feel pressure to play through injuries or to stop loving the game. We’ll see how it goes, and she’s fine now, but if she stops liking it I think the options are to be moved back down a level (if she’s not demoted by the club) or quit the club and play town soccer. I find it telling that their are 7 girls a level down who played one season with this coach and requested to move down!

It doesn't sound like a great environment and since it isn't top level, it may just be best to move on and find something new. It's all about the long-term goals for your child playing in the sport. I would add a couple of things to chew on though:

1) He may have been having a really bad day when he said that to your kid...not excusing it but maybe he needs another chance
2) Some people value being gruff...doesn't bother me at all
3) Maybe the parents of the injured girl are wrong on what they think the coach values?
4) Finally, I would hate it if my kids coaches allowed chatting and smiling/laughing during practice so I personally would appreciate the coach making practices serious. It's what I'm paying for...not hang out time with your friends.

I obviously don't know the specifics of your situation, but those are some counter points after reading through.

.

You have no clue what you're talking about in 4. Both can be done at the same time and should be part of each practice. You want kids to love being there and not being forced by a parent.

On number 1 bad day or not, it's not excusable. Coach is being paid to provide a professional environment.

Haha...I love this place because of the outrageous claims people make because they are anonymous. I have no idea what I'm talking about on what I want?

My sons are completely obsessed with soccer, and it is their love and passion. When they get to practice they are locked in because that is how we approach sports in our house. It's how they achieve their goals. This is what they want from their coach at the top level...hard and intense training because they want to get better. They get pissed whenever their practices are weak or "light-hearted". They are there to compete. I will leave the cluelessness to you and those who "just want the kids to have a positive experience". The YMCA offers that for thousands of dollars less.

As a competitive soccer player (female) with a daughter that does not share the same mindset as me, I agree with you. Either you are born with it or you are not. It doesn’t matter if you practice extra hours a week on a skill. You are not a real soccer player if you do not want to crush your opponent when they take the ball off of you or go straight to the net without mercy to score. Parents that have never played the game at a high level will never understand. I accept that my daughter is not the same as me, and I do not push her to be like me. It is what it is.