I have not felt like I "fit in" in a long time

[Anonymous]

You are bored because you aren’t struggling like everyone else is.
Get an office job or volunteer.

[Anonymous]

I don’t fit in either, similar issues to what you said. But I don’t mind it - who wants to be like everyone else?
I have a few close friends. They also don’t fit the mold, for various reasons - age, physical disabilities, children with special needs, unique jobs. They are all interesting, wonderful, kind friends who I really enjoy. We have a couple things in common, a couple things that are very different.
I also have neighborhood mom friends who tend to be similar to each other. I definitely don’t fit in, and I’m not unhappy about it - fitting in can mean you are expected to do/be a certain way. I feel like I’m given more leeway, if that makes sense.
I know I’ll never fit in. But I find like-minded outliers, if that makes sense, & feel a very strong connection/solidarity in those relationships.

[Anonymous]

How old are you and how old is your kid? I fit in age-wise with my first kid. Then I had two more kids much later and I'm older than those moms. I'm still friends with some of them but it's different from the mom friends who are my age.

Make friends apart from mom friends. I'm "friends" with some of my kids' friends' moms (my age and younger), but these are generally seasonal relationships. Once the kids stop hanging out then the friendships fade. Even the ones where we al hung out all the time and vacationed together faded once the kids got older. I enjoy them for what they are, but my lifelong friends are my friends I made in HS.

Do you feel like you used to fit in or did you never fit in? If never, then get checked out for autism or other issues. Then you could figure out the best track to find your people.

Also go for people who like you for who you are and you feel the same. The saddest thing I see is moms chasing popular kids and their moms. It almost never works out for their kids and makes their kids feel like crap. You and your kids deserve friends who like you and you like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this is just a life phase that will end or if I need to make a new change or what. Historically I have not minded being the odd one out -- being the lone older or younger person in the office, the only woman at a social event, etc. It's always nice to have people you have stuff in common with but I'm pretty good at finding connections with others too.

But lately I feel like I don't fit *anywhere*. I'm the "old mom" at my kid's school plus I have an only in a sea of 2-4 kid families and on top of that I work a flexible WFH job when all the other parents are 9-6 in office.

I'm our neighborhood we are one of only a few families in our immediate area and most people are either a lot younger or are retirees. We get on well with the neighbors but I feel like we stick out and have different priorities.

I recently took up a new hobby but everyone I meet in the hobby is at least a decade younger and no kids. I've tried to see if other parents in our orbit will join me but they say they don't have time (because they work longer hours and have more kids than I do).

Even among our close friends I feel out of step. A lot of my friends are into pop music and it's just not my thing-- they want to go to Taylor Swift or the NKOTB reunion concert and I just can't get excited about it (and it's not how I want to send money). Some of my friends are very career focused now and my DH and I are the opposite-- we are looks my at an early semi-retirement in a few years, not digging in to nab another promotion. Others are focused on kids and family and while that's our focus too it's just us and our DD-- we aren't hosting big family holidays or spending tons of time with extended family.

Is this unusual? It's not like I have no friends or hobbies. I just feel like the outlier all the time and miss at least sometimes feeling like I'm among "my people."

Not unusual. Even the current president feels the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never fit in either. Lots of acquaintances but no really close friends. Even my husband isn't 100% my style. I was recently told "you're friendly with everyone but you're not friends with anyone." Ouch!
The only person on earth who really gets me is my sister who lives in Asia as an expat.

Same, but I'm not sure I care anymore. It used to bother me when I was a kid/teen though. I'm just not a friend type I guess. I'm not sure why. I'm a nice person. Oh well, I have my husband, family and extended family. That's good enough.