Estranged mother may need assistance soon

[Anonymous]

Can’t really offer much advice because OP didn’t give pertinent details. No, don’t endanger your retirement. That’s about all that can be said at this point.

[Anonymous]

assisted living is not an option. she will need to live independently until she qualifies for a nursing home. it sucks but life choices have consequences.

[Anonymous]

See if you can find an independent living facility within her price range. Might be able to find something that meets her needs and budget.

[Anonymous]

I’m in a similar situation but further ahead on the timeline. My (manipulative, abusive, personality disordered) mother has been 3+ years in assisted living and has now gone through everything—long-term care insurance (which had a cap), home equity (minimal) and IRAs. We’re paying 5K a month to keep her in assisted living, but that’s not sustainable for long. She’s not quite ready for skilled nursing, but that’s what we’ll need to do at some point in the next year, somewhere that has Medicaid beds. I’m dreading moving her, but there’s really no other choice. It’s so hard—she doesn’t deserve any of it, but she’s also frail and scared and it’s hard to be a hard ass. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let it play out. It's gonna be Medicaid either way, and sooner than you think. You can't afford non-Medicaid for the rest of her life, so you might as well have her in something that takes Medicaid from the get-go so she doesn't have to move.

+1

Also, you should NOT jeopardize your retirement and your kid's college educations. Even if you were on great terms with your mother. But definately when you are basically estranged. She made choices (blowing thru her money on unneeded items) the consequences of that is a Medicaid facility.

We were on great terms with my parents, but we had to go this route. They were very thrifty, but working class, non-union jobs do not pay a ton of money and they had 5 kids. My dad passed first and a year later we moved our mom into memory care where there was a "Medicaid" bed. It's a lovely nonprofit CCRC, but she only entered at the memory care stage. Great staff, great facility - we and she were lucky.

We now have much more money, but at the time, supporting her (with a 8k/month fee) would've been putting our retirement and kids' college at serious risk.

[Anonymous]

Find her a “Medicaid” bed. You’re not responsible for her financial failures. She could also stay with you, but I do not believe it’s a viable option since she is a BPD.