How to ask to be part of a carpool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd is in an activity that meets twice per week. She has three friends as well that are in the activity with her and we all signed our daughters up together last year. We had the first drop off today and I noticed all three of her friends were dropped off together by one of the moms. I think dd felt left out. Should I ask the moms to be part of the carpool arrangement? Will I come across as taking advantage? Tbh I feel kind of left out as a mom too and I’m not good at social dynamics that come with parenting.

Do you live close to these friends? I honestly don't know anyway to ask because it will be awkward. If they had wanted you they would have asked. That's how I would interpret it

OP, don’t listen to this PP. Can you offer to drive the carpool sometime? Would that help you feel less like you’re takkng advantage?

I'm the pp. What if they day 'no thanks?" That would be embarrassing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd is in an activity that meets twice per week. She has three friends as well that are in the activity with her and we all signed our daughters up together last year. We had the first drop off today and I noticed all three of her friends were dropped off together by one of the moms. I think dd felt left out. Should I ask the moms to be part of the carpool arrangement? Will I come across as taking advantage? Tbh I feel kind of left out as a mom too and I’m not good at social dynamics that come with parenting.

Do you live close to these friends? I honestly don't know anyway to ask because it will be awkward. If they had wanted you they would have asked. That's how I would interpret it

OP, don’t listen to this PP. Can you offer to drive the carpool sometime? Would that help you feel less like you’re takkng advantage?

I'm the pp. What if they day 'no thanks?" That would be embarrassing

Only if you have pretty severe social anxiety. You ask. They say yes or no. And everyone moves on. No big deal.

But make sure you understand how a carpool works — everyone needs to share the driving equally and needs to have space for all the kids. And no one wants to drive too far out of the way to pick up or drop off any child.

[Anonymous]

Just ask if they would be interested in carpooling. Don't let on that you saw them. Maybe they didn't remember your DD was in the class too. Maybe it was a one-off and they were all coming from somewhere together right before the class. Maybe they all live on the same street. There could be a number of reasons why it happened. But you don't know for sure so it can't hurt to ask.

If they say no, or that there isn't room, just be breezy about it and say, "Ok, well, let me know if anything changes."

Another option: ask one of the girls to come over for a playdate/hang out right before the class (or right after, whatever works) and that way your DD gets to carpool with at least one friend for that week. Then you invite a different girl over a couple of weeks later to do the same. Repeat. It doesn't alleviate the burden on you to drive each time, but if the issue is feeling left out, this might be something to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd is in an activity that meets twice per week. She has three friends as well that are in the activity with her and we all signed our daughters up together last year. We had the first drop off today and I noticed all three of her friends were dropped off together by one of the moms. I think dd felt left out. Should I ask the moms to be part of the carpool arrangement? Will I come across as taking advantage? Tbh I feel kind of left out as a mom too and I’m not good at social dynamics that come with parenting.

Do you live close to these friends? I honestly don't know anyway to ask because it will be awkward. If they had wanted you they would have asked. That's how I would interpret it

OP, don’t listen to this PP. Can you offer to drive the carpool sometime? Would that help you feel less like you’re takkng advantage?

I'm the pp. What if they day 'no thanks?" That would be embarrassing

Why would that be embarrassing?? You're overthinking it.

[Anonymous]

If it’s a twice a week activity and there are 4 girls you could each drive one way. That being said, Ive been burned a few times and gotten pickier about who I will carpool with. Eg you need to live close enough that I’m saving time carpooling. Your kid needs to be ready to go when I arrive. And by ready I mean waiting by the door with shoes on, not needing to find shoes equipment and use the restroom. And we need a clear expectation for whether or not if your kid is not going, you still drive. The best functioning carpools are ones where you drive even if your kid isn’t going that day. Or if a planned non attendance you ask to trade with someone. Carpools where I get a text 20 minutes before time to go saying ‘oh larla isn’t going so I won’t be driving today’ mean that I won’t carpool with you in the future.

[Anonymous]

Ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The car space issue seems key here. Assuming the girls aren’t old enough to sit in the front, many cars only have 3 seats in the back.

+1 Try to suss out the car situation. Unless they all have mini-vans, it may not be possible.