How to ask to be part of a carpool?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| My dd is in an activity that meets twice per week. She has three friends as well that are in the activity with her and we all signed our daughters up together last year. We had the first drop off today and I noticed all three of her friends were dropped off together by one of the moms. I think dd felt left out. Should I ask the moms to be part of the carpool arrangement? Will I come across as taking advantage? Tbh I feel kind of left out as a mom too and I’m not good at social dynamics that come with parenting. |
Anonymous
Do you live close to these friends? I honestly don't know anyway to ask because it will be awkward. If they had wanted you they would have asked. That's how I would interpret it |
Anonymous
| Invent an emergency and ask if your daughter can get a ride, offer to drive a couple of times in return. You'll either slot into the carpool long term, or you'll know where you and your daughter stand with the other moms |
Anonymous
OP, don’t listen to this PP. Can you offer to drive the carpool sometime? Would that help you feel less like you’re takkng advantage? |
Anonymous
| How can you fit all of them in your car? 4 kids? Assuming they are younger than 10 because of the forum then there's no room for anyone else. |
Anonymous
| If you think this is logistically possible for everyone (everyone has a car that fits 4 kids), then play dumb and reach out to 1 about carpooling. She'll either invite you to join or say she's all set. |
Anonymous
| Is there even room for 4 girls? I can take three girls in my car — that’s it. |
Anonymous
| Do you live close by? Can you/they fit 4 girls in a car? Can you take turns driving or is your work schedule crazy? I have left people out of carpools for those reasons. It's never personal. I also have a younger child who takes up a seat. |
Anonymous
|
There’s no harm in asking to join while making it clear you will be a driver and not a mooch (not saying you are, but many moms look for “carpools” when they really are just mooching off of others and won’t ever be able to drive).
But assess where the other girls live and where you live. Also depending on the ages, I also cannot take 4 kids unless one can sit in the front seat. |
Anonymous
|
All of the above is good advice.
Carpooling means taking turns so if u ask make it clear you’re happy to drive too. There is a mom on our soccer team who lives on the other side of the town from me from where they practice. She had sent group emails asking if anyone can take her kid to soccer both days because of her work schedule. She points out she just needs her kid taken, she can pick her up. But there is no reciprocal offer to drop off someone else’s kid when she gets her own. I’m not offering because of the distance. But there are moms who live in the town itself who might offer if it was offered as a carpool situation. As it is I drive my kid and another kid one day a week and the other day the other kids mom takes my kid. But we both live on the side of town it makes sense |
Anonymous
| Ask one of them, "would you be interested in carpooling?" Ask it soon. She/they do not need to know that you have -already- seen that they carpool together. It's an innocent question. It's an ordinary question. She likely won't give an immediate answer. She'll reflect on it, need to talk w/the other mothers, and get back to you. If she doesn't get back to you or she says no right away -- then it's just no. |
Anonymous
| I have a small SUV and only carpool with three kids, mine included. It's just too small to cram four bodies in every seat plus backpacks (for sports, each kid has two backpacks). These are teen boys but this is how it's been for a while. |
Anonymous
| Don't ask if you're not invited. Sorry. |
Anonymous
Gatekeeping mom has arrived! |
Anonymous
| The car space issue seems key here. Assuming the girls aren’t old enough to sit in the front, many cars only have 3 seats in the back. |